Jay tensed when he heard Kevin call his name, Kevin and his friend had been picking on him non-stop since his brother Julian died last month. Julian had always protected him and Kevin had started targeting him as soon as he got back to school after the funeral.
"What do you want Kevin?" he asked warily,
"Why are you still at school? Can't you just go end yourself like your pathetic brother?" Kevin laughed,
Jay hated how Kevin always laughed at his own comments as if he was the funniest thing in the world. So he ignored him and walked away, he wasn't the biggest kid in school and he knew it wasn't a good idea to go picking fights with people bigger than him. He was constantly reminded of his weakness because he passed the drama room with its mirrored windows every day. He stopped and stared at the window, he wondered if anyone was inside looking out at him. If they hadn't known better they'd probably assume someone's little brother had come with their mother to pick them up.
He was 15 but he still looked 11, his hazelnut hair was short just like him and his best feature in his opinion were his eyes, they were a kaleidoscope of different browns and even a few greens. His mother had always promised him that he had the most beautiful eyes in the whole world but she hadn't spoken a word to him since Julian.
The loss had turned his whole world upside down and though Jay knew why Julian had done it and could understand why he had done it, but despite understanding, he still was furious with Julian for just leaving him behind. Especially with the person Julian had escaped from, Julian knew that Jay hated their step-father Tom just as much for ruining their lives.
No, he corrected himself, it wasn't Tom's fault, it was Jay's fault for not stopping it. Tom had told him that the first time but Jay didn't know what to do at the time. He shuddered at the thought of going home, he did not want to upset his mother and he didn't want to be anywhere near Tom if he could help it, he shuddered again then stepped out of the school's gate.
Jay knew he'd be in a load of trouble when he got home for leaving school early but it barely touched his thoughts. He cursed his mother for living with that monster and not believing Julian when he had tried to tell her what was going on. Maybe it was all Jay's fault but he would never forgive his mother for not listening to Julian when he'd needed her most and he would never forgive himself for not doing more.
Jay realised that he was unconsciously walking towards his house and steered himself back towards the town. He didn't know where he was going, he had no destination in mind. He would probably end up sitting at Maccas on his phone until late at night or wandering the streets in the freezing cold like he did every other time.
He was ok with not having friends but not about being alone all the time. He wanted to be able to just play sports with the rest of the boys in class but he couldn't do it. He wasn't good enough and he wasn't allowed to develop feelings for any of them. That's what his mother had always told him, her favourite saying was "it's Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" but he had realised a few years back after she had met Tom that he wasn't taking notice of girls.
Jay shook his head to drive the thought away, thunder rumbled somewhere above him and the clouds steadily darkened. The temperature dropped rapidly and although Jay could feel it, it didn't bother him, he had become accustomed to wearing a jumper and tracksuits every day regardless of whether it was hot or cold outside. That had started when he decided there were things he wanted to hide and it was a decision that Tom had been very proud of. According to him, it was a sign that Jay was getting over his reluctance to do what he was told and be fine about it.
Jay could hear dogs barking and started to recognise the buildings around him, he was close to the dog park. He slid his phone into his pocket and ran forward, the sound of the dogs encouraging him to move faster. Finally, he reached the gate and hurried into the dog park and sat down on a bench, immediately he was swarmed by paws, noses and wagging tails and he let out a rare smile. He did his best to make sure all the dogs got enough pats and greeted the ones he knew well. He knew most of the dogs here because they were here nearly every day and this was once his favourite place. There was something about dogs that just made him feel happy, maybe it was their unconditional love or how they were always happy to see him and didn't judge him based on anything but the attention he gave them.
Finally, when the owners impatiently called their dogs back so they could leave, Jay reluctantly left the park and headed back along the road towards the highway where the Maccas was. His phone buzzed with a message from Tom asking why he'd left school early. He hesitated before responding and telling Tom to leave him alone. Tom didn't seem phased by it and messaged back saying that he would be waiting for him. Jay stuffed his phone into his pocket, how was he meant to do any of this without Julian. Why hadn't Julian told him, did he not care that Jay was left behind.
Jay let out a sob, all he wanted was his brother back. An engine roared as a truck turned onto the highway, he looked at it thoughtfully then shrugged and stepped out in front of it, the truck's brakes screeched loudly but it was too late.
~Fin
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