For as long as I can remember it just have been my dad and I. He’s a good, honest, hard-working man. As a father he’s strict but understanding, I really love him.
My mother died when she gave birth to me, or at least that was what father always told me when I asked. I don’t really remember most of my childhood up until I was 5 or 6- My first real memory was of my dad holding me while I was crying and telling me “everything will be alright” while he chocked back tears himself. When I asked about it, he told me how it was for him. It was difficult to move on from his wife’s death. He had to keep himself together, battle depression and sustain me. He told me when I was a baby we used to live in China, next to his parents. But once he got an offer for working on Rumania, he took it and started a new life there. He worked non-stop until he had a roof up on our heads and food on the table. I admire him for this.
When I grew older I started noticing somethings that weren’t right. For example I don’t have any Chinese traits, my father justify that by saying he wasn’t completely Chinese either, his father side of the family came from abroad. But I wasn’t satisfied with that. I started pushing and having more doughs, the questioning that was unanswered, drove to shouting and shouting to arguments.
My father was a very patient man, he never raised his voice in these arguments, but I could say it hurt him I was making so many questions.
I started understanding something, maybe he wasn’t my biological father but he was the man who put his life on the line to help me grow and come who I am today. I let it go, and never tried to ask him anything about it, because I loved him and he loved me and that is what matters.
But then at my university decided to make presentations, you had to investigate a news that where from any other country and present it to the class.
I decided to look at my home-country China, I started with the best web newspapers: the BBC, the New York times, The Guardian and Deutsche Welle. But nothing really interesting was going on. I decided to dig in and search for Chinese newspapers and ask my friend Hao Zhōngshí (A Chinese friend I had whose parents where friends with my dad) to translate it for me.
After looking at the different results I choose the Southern Weekly scrolling through the news I stop when I found a picture of myself or someone similar to me when I was 4 years old.
I didn’t want my friend to freak out, so I tried translating it myself. I don’t know a lot of Chinese, I know how to write, read and say some basic stuff like “Exit”, “Hello, my name is Roze” “I’m lost can you please help me” “I’m not fluent in Chinese, do you understand English?” But my basic Chinese wasn’t enough, I gave up and send him the link to it.
Naturally he wasn’t keen on translating it at first, but after insisting, he understood this was important for me and did it. He told me it was about a girl that had been kidnapped 18 years ago. She was the daughter from two Romanian citizens that went to leave there to have a better live, the case had been re-opened, because the mother told the police that she recently received information of the abductor after so many years. I saw between the pictures an obviously not Chinese women that resembled me Could that be my real mother? He told me that the woman declared having an affair with a man called Fǎ Suǒ a year prior the child was abducted. They planned of running away back to Rumania and starting over.
I asked him to stop, that was enough information. I didn’t know what to do, a billion questions popped into my mind. Who am I? Is my father really who he says he is? Why did he took me and brought me up as his own child? After an hour or so I came up with a plan: run away to my boyfriend´s and investigate more from there, then I’ll decide where to go. I started packing my things when I heard from the door: “I’m Home” It was too late, I kept doing my backpack. No, I wouldn’t stay.
-Hello there Roze, guess what are we…- He stopped and looked at me.- Why are you packing up? Are you going somewhere?
+As far as I can from you, Fǎ suǒ.
He stayed quite for a second and sight saying under his breath something among the lines of “Damn it” in Chinese.
-So you found out… Look, I need to explain this to you, can you please come with me to the kitchen? I need to co-
+NO! I won’t go anywhere with you.
-Roze, please, I need you to understand.
+What? That you’re a psyco that kidnaps children?
-If you let me explain, I’ll buy you a ticket so you can see your parents to China.
I considered it, I looked into his eyes they were just like when we fought about my precedence, I took a deep breath.
+Ok then…
We walked together to the kitchen, he left up on the table my favourite sweets: Vargabéles. He rest against the wall.
-It all started 20 years ago, I met your parents in the same factory I worked on. They were very unhappy and poor at the time. Both of your parents where alcoholics, I didn’t knew them much until your mom started developing feelings for me. I never really fell in love with your mother, I pitied her because she was so sad. Her life was miserable, they were broke and just had a baby and I met you, I really got attached to you, I loved you since I saw you. I was happy to have you by my side, but sad because I knew you were going to have a terrible life. Your mother and I planned running away here and starting over, but I didn’t felt it would be good for her unless she gets help. She didn’t get help even if I offered her. She was too hung on the idea that in Romania things will get better…
I knew she wasn’t ready, so when I finally got a job offer here, I decided to run away with you, and told you mother only to come when she got better.
I was left in shock, I never thought that my father couldn’t be my father or that my mom might be alive. I couldn’t say anything
+What happened to mom?
-Well… She never got in contact up until recently. She told me that now she understands what I meant by it. She wants you back, but the real question is whether you want to see her or not.
+Dad… I read on a newspaper she actually contacted the police, it might be dangerous. It could be a set up to take you away
-I know, I’m pretty smart you know?- He chuckled and then looked down to the floor.- Roze, you’re the most important person in my life… If you want to meet your mother, I’ll do whatever it takes if want meet her. Also, you’re very independent, if I end up in jail, you could survive.
+Father… No, I don’t want to lose you. That woman isn’t my mother… Even if she wasn’t ready she should have tried to find me. And to use me just so you can go to jail… No, I can’t take it…
I started tearing up, I can’t believe my own mother didn’t want me enough to look for me. My father hugged me, something unusual from his side.
-It’s okay, then she doesn’t need to know.
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