Prologue

It is well known demons are evil incarnated —the ultimate evil, according to some people. They say if you ever encounter a demon, you should follow two simple rules: do not believe anything they tell you, and don't make a deal with them, no matter what.

There are some humans that pay no mind to that though, and are willing to forfeit their souls to eternal damnation for a favor. 

Now the nature of the favor is where it gets interesting, because it can be anything. Most think that demons are all-powerful, that with a flick of the fingers they can do anything. And while that's partially true, what people don't understand —and it's probably best that way— is that the deal is what gives a demon access to the extent of their powers. The act of relinquishing your soul to a demon in exchange for something, gives the demon the ability to do anything. Want to revive a dead loved one? Absolutely. Want to make someone fall in love with you? Right away, good sir. Anything is possible when a demon receives a human soul.

Which is why demons want to make deals all the time, and resort to tricks and scams to lure humans and strip them of their souls. Because the rush of adrenaline, serotonin —and whatever else happens when you're satisfied— that comes with the acquisition of a human soul is like no other feeling in the world.

I should know. I'm a demon.

Now before you get all judgemental, I don't usually screw humans over. I say usually because, believe it or not, some humans try to screw you over first. I can't even begin to recount all the times I've been summoned —against my will, may I add— so humans could ask me for the most trivial things. “Make me get a promotion at work”, “Convince my girlfriend to move in with me”, “Make me win the lottery.” The lottery? Seriously? No one thinks big anymore.

I've been trapped by salt circles and demon sigils. I've been forced by black magic to offer way more than I should on a deal. I've even been blackmailed. Yes, blackmailed. “How do you blackmail a demon?” Well, I'm certainly not gonna disclose that one, nice try.

Point is, I try to be fair when I make a deal. I advise them on the best way to phrase their end of the bargain, I give counsel. Sometimes —and this is really gonna blow your mind— I even give them a pep talk and suggest the best course of action for their conundrum, not even sealing a deal, and the human walks away with their soul intact. 

I'm nice like that.

Other demons don't understand why I act this way, they only care about possessing more and more souls, chasing that high that only comes with the increase of your collection. 

I'm gonna tell you why I act this way: because I discovered something. Getting a soul out of a deal is great, no matter the method of getting it. It fills you with a sense of omnipotence like no other thing can. But a human who gives away their soul fearfully, angrily, desperately, is no different than a scared animal. There is no sense of anything good or enjoyable in their soul. When you seal the deal, they are terrified, and that feeling passes to you. Sure, between the knowledge that you have another human soul in your ranks, and the burst of unlimited power, a little discomfort coming from the poor human may seem like an unimportant thing. 

I think differently. I have come to notice that if you take a soul that is grateful, happy, in peace with themselves, you get a satisfaction in your core that leaves you breathless. It's like a punch in the gut, but a good one. It's hard to explain, okay? Just trust me. 

Demons —and especially ancient demons like me— have forgotten what feelings and emotions are like. We were human once, but such a long time ago that any sense of what being a human is like was lost in the first hundred years of being a demon. But when I help a human in exchange for their soul, and they get what they want and are satisfied with the outcome and the terms, welcoming them into my ranks is a fulfilling experience. A magical experience. 

Which is why I help humans, advise them, guide them to make the best choices that they can, and most of the time they are happy to make a deal with me to ensure that what they want comes true. Now, doesn't that make me sound like an angel? Of course not, angels are dicks. But that's a story for another time.

I take souls, sure. I take them to my little place in Hell, to eternal damnation, sure. But I don't trick them, or leave them with no choice but to accept the deal. And once their souls are with me, I don't mistreat them like many other demons do. I am not a sadist, I don't enjoy others’ suffering. 

Which may be a partial reason of my current problem.

To be honest with you, there's little I enjoy nowadays. The only thing that makes me feel alive recently is when I welcome a soul into my ranks. Which I don't do that often even. In the last four years I have taken five souls. Five. And the last one I took was six months ago.

“Why, Azrael?” I'll tell you why. 

Because the last fucking human soul I took left me in such a depressive episode that I wished I worked a 9-5 boring corporate job instead. Eating kale isn't as depressing as I am nowadays.

Now, by now you know I'm a good guy, I help, I do my best with the tools and skills I was given.

Which is what I did that time. I listened. I gave counsel. I offered the deal when I noticed there wasn't anything else to do for it. And as soon as this human’s soul was passed to me, I was hit with such dread and grief that left me speechless. I couldn't understand why, and as minutes passed, the feeling intensified. Now, I didn't immediately make the connection between the deal and the shitty mood I was experiencing days later. I thought maybe I was just stressed. But as I was checking in on my human souls, I noticed it. Among the calm and unworried souls in my collection, there was one that was... a bummer. Just an absolute bummer. 

Honestly I didn't know what to do, because as much as I could try to cheer him up, he was still in Hell. Nothing to be done about that. I was determined, and a little curious, to know what happened though, so I approached him.

And what he told me is what contributed to this funk I'm in.

Long story short, he had a boyfriend. They had been together for years, and one day his boyfriend started feeling really bad. They went to the doctor, and discovered he had cancer. Stage three. There was little they could do so that's why the human made a deal with me. To save his boyfriend. The terms of the deal were: I save their life, make them healthy again, in exchange for this human's soul which I would collect in two months. All of this I knew already, when I initially met with him for a potential deal.

Time passed and honestly I forgot all about it. Until it was time for me to collect, and I visited the human. He looked terrible. He accepted my hand and came down with me to Hell, and as soon as his soul was fully in my grasp, a deep sadness consumed me, and I didn't know why at the time. But when I asked, he told me the reason.

The reason? This human gave his soul to save his boyfriend, and the asshole had left him for someone else. Had been cheating on him almost the whole time they had been together. Which, for the record, was 10 years. 

Humans sometimes can be so cruel. And that's me, an actual demon, saying this. 

I tried to say something to somehow make the situation better but everything fell short. 

He was devastated, and he was passing all of that grief to me. And believe me, it was a lot of grief. And I had no idea how to deal with it. So I left, giving him a brief pat on the shoulder and getting as far away from him as possible. 

I convinced myself that I ran because the closer I was to him, the more grief I felt, and as an ancient being with little grasp of human emotions, I didn't know how to deal.

But at night, when I was alone trying to get some rest, I would remember that interaction, and it wasn't the discomfort of his feelings that I focused on the most. 

It was the way those amber eyes filled with tears of rage, sorrow, disappointment, and shame had looked at me, like they could see deep inside me. Like they had nowhere, no one, and were latching on to me for some kind of tether, of comfort. 

And that I was not ready for.

Hell no.