My heart was a water balloon squeezed to the absolute limit. The frantic pumping of blood rushing through me was like fire. A fire that ripped through my veins and left me feeling raw on the inside. It felt like my skin was wriggling to be free of my bones. On the other hand, the thin membrane of sweat that clung to my slightly clammy forearms was icy, peircingly cold down to the marrow.  

I had never been so terrified. 

Yes, I knew this was just one inevitable future, but I didn’t expect this to happen so soon, or so suddenly. 

The mass of worry that had wound up in my head leading up to this, was now working its way out of my body in the form of nervous energy. 

Waiting. Waiting was never my strong suit. And now, with the anxiety just wearing my patience into ribbons, I had no idea how to handle the cascade of negative thoughts. Every few seconds I would glance at the door of my apartment and freeze, save for the thrumming of my heart. 

Was I going to die tonight? 

From the stress alone, quite possibly. But realistically? Also possible. 

But which one was to kill me first, if either at all? 

After dealing with bloodlust, pain, and cruelty, I didn’t know what would be my true fate. Months of survival and mental loneliness. Stress from school, from unwanted social obligations… 

And yet it was still down to a waiting game.  

When the buzzer for the door rang out above my ocean of ever flowing thoughts, I stared at the door. This was it. It was time. 

I steeled myself for the arrival of not just one, but two possible futures.