In Henry Hugo’s Academy for Misfits, there was one thing me and everyone else noticed.
It was the unbearable heat in our lunchroom.
“God, it’s hot!” My friend, Lawrence, said.
“I know~I feel like I’m melting.”
“You said it, Dean.”
Me and Lawrence sat next to each other at a long lunch table. We had a plate full of eggs, sausages, a single piece of toast, and a small glass of water.
Lawrence spooned a bit of his eggs before complaining once more.
“Mm, you’d think that with all the money Hugo makes that he’d at least spend a bit on a freakin’ fan.”
“Seriously!” I said. “I mean, he eats here too. And it’s June! There’s no way he isn’t feeling this heat.”
“Right?!” Lawrence said before taking a large bite of his toast. “And do you know what I think?”
“What?” I asked.
“I think Hugo wants us to feel this heat. He probably gets off on it! That sick freak.”
“…”
For a moment, I didn’t say a thing.
Then I scoffed.
“That’s stupid. Principal Hugo isn’t like that. He’s a decent guy.”
“No, he isn’t, Dean. Think about it!. The guy obviously has a thing for underage teens. Why else would he make a boarding school out here in the woods? It’s obviously because Hugo has some sort of sick fantasy involving kids stuck in his own private building! The guy is just like Epstein!”
“Pfft!”
I coughed a mouthful of water and started cackling.
“Ew,” Lawrence said, leaning away from me. “You almost got water on my food, Dean!”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
I tried to clean the mess I made on the table with a single, thin napkin. Though that didn’t do much.
“Morning boys.”
To my right was my good friend, Jenny. She was a girl that was around my height with long orange hair and freckles. She was also wearing her uniform—just like us—but her tie was a bit loose.
I guessed she was too exhausted to straighten it. That’s how I feel some days. And there was this one day where I was so fed up with wearing our uniform that I didn’t wear it at all. I wore some plain white shirt and long grey sweats. It was so freeing. That was until evening recess, where I had to stay in for detention while everyone else got to go outside.
But that’s besides the point. What really mattered was that Jenny was with this other girl named Maggie. She was a friend of Jenny’s, but I rarely talk to her.
The two looked like they were going to sit next to me. That was until they saw the little puddle I made on the seat and table.
And in an instant, I could see their tired faces turn to disgust.
“What happened?” Jenny asked.
I was going to explain myself, but Lawrence was quick with a reply.
“Dean spat water all over the table.”
“Yeah, and it’s all because of your stupid joke comparing Principal Hugo to Epstein.”
“It’s not a joke,” Lawrence said. “It’s a real conspiracy. Hugo’s gotta be into underage teens.”
Jenny rolled her eyes.
“I’m too tired to deal with you today, Lawrence.”
She sat a few feet away from me while I continued cleaning the table. And I’m not gonna lie, I was bummed that Jenny wasn’t next to us. She usually would eat with me and Lawrence and went along with our stupid jokes. But I guess she woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Or she felt the summer heat in the lunchroom and wanted out as soon as possible.
That’s how I felt. I’m sure Lawrence feels the same way as well. And I guess that goes for everyone here, even the staff.
I guess no one’s having a ‘good morning,’ I told myself.
The only person who seemed the happiest out of all of us was Maggie, who started talking to Jenny the moment she sat next to her.
So I glanced at everyone’s grumpy faces and came to one conclusion. Someone had to lift the mood up.
Because I didn’t want to eat near a bunch of grinches.
And if anyone was going to lighten the mood, it wasn’t going to be Lawrence. It was going to be me. Which sucked because Lawrence is a whole lot funnier than I am.
But I took a quick breath and got Jenny’s attention.
“Say, Jenny,” I asked.
“What?” she said, obviously annoyed.
“May I suggest a proposition?”
Jenny sighed, giving in to my weird antics.
“And what is this proposition?” She asked, mocking me.
I pointed down at my plate while looking at her.
“I’ll give you half my eggs for a single sausage,” I proposed.
Jenny sighed and at that moment, I felt like there was ice forming in the middle of my back, because if I’m being honest; I'm pretty sure I was making a fool of myself. I was flailing my arms around and acting like a cartoon character all in the heat of the moment.
My face was feeling red. I just wanted this interaction to be over with. But I guess Jenny wanted to drag it out.
“Hmm,” Jenny said, “I like your proposal, but let me consult with my manager before I make any rash decisions.”
“Of course, of course,” I said.
Jenny turned towards Maggie and whispered a few words to her.
“What’s up with the movement?” Lawrence asked, chuckling.
“I don’t know man...”
I could feel my face burn red.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! I screamed internally. Why did I do all of this?!
I tried to get my mind away from my tone of voice and focused on Maggie—who was Jenny’s ‘manager’ this morning.
I thought she was going to play along with the shtick we did, but no. She didn’t. Do you know what she did? She swung her head vigorously from side to side. A clear ‘NO!’
“Ohoho!” Lawrence laughed. “I guess you’re gonna have to eat your eggs, Dean.”
“Shut it, Lawrence.”
He was obviously trying to rub the rejection in my face as a joke, but I wasn’t in the laughing mood anymore, because…
Did Maggie want a sausage from Jenny’s plate? Or does she just hate me and want no transaction to ever happen between me and Jenny? I just couldn’t comprehend why she said no. It wasn’t even a verbal ‘no’ either. She put all of her energy into performing a violent head shake.
Though I guess her decision didn’t matter because Jenny turned to me with a deal of her own.
“How about all your eggs for all my sausages?”
“Deal!”
I accepted with no hesitation, and the two of us shook hands on it.
I was trying to scoop my eggs with a fork and bring it over to Jenny’s plate. It was awkward and far. Super inefficient.
“Just scoot closer to me, Dean.”
“Hm?”
“Scoot. Closer. To. Me.”
Jenny glared at me with angry tiger eyes. It felt like she was going to do much more than just yell at me if I didn’t hear her the second time.
So I sat up straight and gave her my most formal response.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Jenny laughed at my pathetic response. And from the corner of my eye, I could see Lawrence lean back and look towards Maggie.
“Say, Maggie, I have a proposition of my own–”
“Nut-uh, Lawrence. Back off.”
And just like that, Lawrence was shut down.
“Dang. What a bummer,” he said.
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