CHAPTER 1: Between the edge of your fears

Content Warning: This story contains references to violence, emotional abuse and intense yet consensual relationships. It includes scenes of emotional vulnerability between adults and is intended for a mature audience. The story does not aim to eroticize suffering, but rather to explore mutual love between the characters.

Reader discretion is advised.

It was midnight, and the echo of water falling into the sinks of a restroom on the seventh floor of an office building downtown barely masked the shaky sound of Samuel’s breathing. He was a 43-year-old engineer who had worked there for quite some time.

He had been widowed a few months earlier. His husband had died in a violent retaliation —caught up with dangerous people due to shady business dealings that had eventually come to light. Samuel had always defended him, of course. He hired expensive lawyers, spoke highly of him as if he were a fallen hero. But in time, the truth became impossible to ignore: his partner had been nothing more than a deceitful liar.

A man addicted to the high life —excess, sex, luxury— funded by gambling. At first, Samuel hadn’t realized the extent of the damage. It only sank in when he saw how deep his husband was in debt, spending money he didn’t have, borrowing far more than was reasonable.

Eventually, everything came to light. Little by little, and no matter how hard he tried to convince the courts otherwise, his husband was going to be sent to prison for crimes Samuel could no longer deny.

Defending a criminal went against everything he stood for —but, and this wasn’t to excuse anything, that man had been the love of his life. His first boyfriend.

Samuel had met him at twenty-two, a university student striving to make his parents proud and build a stable future, while also trying to be true to himself. He wanted to say, without fear, that he was gay, that he had fallen in love with the man who would become his husband —and who, at the time, was also his professor.

Living openly had blinded him to the truth of the relationship. There had always been signs: his husband was unfaithful, cold, unaffectionate. He treated Samuel like a plaything, a daily source of pleasure, and a never-ending bank account.

After being rejected by his parents for coming out, earning his degree with top honors, landing a well-paying job, and —his crowning achievement— marrying the man he had loved so deeply, Samuel refused to let anything ruin his image. He wouldn’t allow that scandal to tarnish the success he’d built for years.

He cared for his husband. Protected him. Defended him far beyond what was reasonable. But eventually, he had enough. He was tired of being the good, dutiful man. Had his husband survived instead of being murdered, Samuel might have made the painful choice to leave him —once he proved a fabricated innocence.

That future vanished the moment his husband died before his eyes. On their tenth wedding anniversary.

The consequences of his husband’s actions had been severe, and now, in the restroom of his office building, Samuel was facing them.

***

With his back against the cold tile wall, he kept his head down. Brown hair clung to his sweaty face. A thick beard, dark under-eye circles from sleepless nights, and a long list of accumulated anguish. His chest rose and fell in ragged bursts. His whole body hurt. He didn’t know whether to scream or throw up. The pain wasn’t grief over his husband's death —minutes earlier, he had suffered the worst beating of his life.

The men responsible, reacting to his husband’s unpaid debts, wanted Samuel to bear the burden. The debt continued to grow, day after day, with interest.

Every heartbeat pounded against his bruised ribs. His lip was split. Knuckles bloodied. One shoulder inflamed. A sharp pain throbbed low in his abdomen —a result of multiple beatings. His blue eyes were the only light in that dim space.

Samuel’s shirt hung half-open, revealing his battered chest and stomach. His shoes were gone. His ID and phone had been stolen. And the same men who had ended his husband’s life were planning to return the next day to continue their threats —until Samuel paid what was owed.

Moments later, someone entered the restroom. Samuel shrank into himself, trying to become invisible. But white sneakers stopped in front of him. Footsteps broke the silence. He tensed, eyes fixed on the floor. The shadow of a man drew closer, and a deep, commanding voice whispered his name.

“Samuel?”

It was Ivan, the 38-year-old security guard. He had only been working there for about five months, always on the night shift, but saw Samuel every evening as he left the office. They barely exchanged words —just polite nods or a quick ‘good night’ in the hallway. Nothing more.

He was tall, broad-shouldered, wearing a black T-shirt that clung to his chest. Subtle muscles showed beneath the fabric. A well-proportioned, beautiful body. A white beanie covered part of his dark hair, stray strands falling loose, and he wore thick-framed glasses.

He simply stood there, looking down at him. His deep brown eyes were filled with concern —though Samuel couldn’t see it, too afraid to look up. Ivan had been passing by when he noticed Samuel hadn’t said goodbye as usual. A gut feeling brought him to the restroom.

They were just coworkers —not close enough to call themselves ‘friends’. But there was something: a spark. A glance that suggested calm, trust, maybe even euphoria. Though it wasn’t clear what any of it truly meant.

Ivan was a serious man. Always watching, always aware. Samuel had never realized the subtle ways this man looked out for him.

The guard had noticed Samuel growing more tense, disappearing for long periods. Without him knowing, Ivan had quietly helped —bringing him coffee, organizing his paperwork, running small errands while claiming someone else had assigned him.

Samuel was kind, respectful, unaware that someone in the shadows was doing what he could to offer kindness in a world that had shown him none.

Ivan wasn’t working there by chance. In truth, he was a man pretending to be someone else. But telling Samuel the truth —at least for now— wasn’t an option.

Because the night guard was the son of one of the men who had killed Samuel’s husband. A man who had also been deceived —Ivan had a purely physical relationship with the deceased, never knowing he was married. Life’s cruel ironies. When he discovered the truth, his father, determined to defend ‘his son’s honor’, was the one who ordered the execution. No one messed with his future successor.

Ivan had money. He was a businessman and influencer with millions of followers. Admired for his physique, he liked to film himself for social media, never showing his face. He sparked admiration and desire in everyone who watched him. And it was through one of his videos that Samuel found him, started following him —and Ivan, seeing his profile, felt a strange jolt. He couldn’t ignore this new follower.

He messaged first. That’s how the online friendship began. They had more in common than they realized. But Samuel set boundaries —he was married, after all. Their chats were casual, harmless. They built a quiet trust. Ivan never showed his face. Never flirted.

Later, when Samuel shared —briefly— that his husband had died, Ivan panicked. Around the same time, his father had informed him of the murder of his ex. Something didn’t add up. At the funeral, Ivan started to piece things together. His online friend and Samuel… could be the same person.

The possibility changed everything. He didn’t know why —but seeing Samuel in real life, the husband of his late partner, made him feel like he was about to step into a path with no return. Neither of them knew the other’s past. It wasn’t fair. Something had to change.

Ivan wanted to know him. To understand him. And yes, he had simply fallen in love.

At first, he thought he was making things worse with his silence. He wanted to make amends by being good to someone who, though still a stranger, inspired him to stay. To protect.

“Samuel…, what happened to you?” Ivan asked, crouching down to his level. His voice was gravelly but soft.

Samuel shook his head, unable to meet his eyes. His body trembled. The guard extended a hand to his shoulder, tentative, waiting to see if it would be accepted.

He moved closer —so close Samuel could smell the clean sweat and soap on his skin. Samuel didn’t flinch, let the touch happen, but then hesitated. He didn’t want to look weak. But the pain in his ribs made him clench his teeth, eyes half-shut. He didn’t want anyone to see him like this —especially not Ivan, the kind man who greeted him now and then.

There was something unspoken between them. A beautiful, secret tension. Something that had lingered since the first night Samuel saw him in the security office —in uniform. He looked so attractive: clothes tight on that balanced body, intimidating eyes hidden behind glasses, that hair…

“Why? What is happening to me?” he wondered.

“Samuel…” Ivan said again, quieter this time. “W-who did this to you?”

The guard suspected his father’s men were after Samuel —maybe even planning to kill him. If that was true, he’d do whatever it took to protect him.

Samuel finally looked up. His red eyes blinked away the tears he knew how to hold back. His injured lip, stained with blood, made him look desperate. He opened his mouth to speak… but no words came. Just a brief, shameful whimper. For the first time in his life, he was allowing himself to be vulnerable in front of someone.

Ivan moved closer. Noticed Samuel’s open shirt and asked permission to cover him. The engineer hadn’t realized. He gave a sheepish smile, trying to play it off. But the more Ivan helped him, the more comfort he felt. The guard’s strong arms around him to check his wounds made something stir in Samuel —so he leaned gently into his chest.

“May I?” he asked, unable to resist the comfort Ivan offered.

At first, Ivan hesitated —blushing— but all resistance collapsed like a house of cards. He rested his chin atop Samuel’s head, breathing in the warmth of his skin.

“Thank you,” Samuel whispered, trying not to cry, but grateful.

The touch disarmed him. He sobbed silently while Ivan caressed the back of his neck with warm fingers. Then wrapped him in his arms, hands gliding over his back —firm but gentle.

“You don’t have to carry this alone,” Ivan murmured, lowering his head so his lips brushed Samuel’s ear. “If you need help, I’m here for you.”

Then he cupped Samuel’s face in his hands, making him look at him. His thumb traced the rough beard, and Samuel parted his lips with a trembling breath.

Their faces drew closer, neither pulling away. Ivan’s hands lingered gently on his cheeks, afraid to hurt him with what he was about to do.

And then the night guard kissed him.

It was raw. Deep. Full of desperation and longing. Samuel gasped, eyes wide in surprise —maybe even fear— but then closed them, his body giving in. Ivan held him close, fingers buried in his hair, kissing him as if he could steal away his pain through touch.

In that instant, nothing existed but the taste of tears, the warmth, and the rhythm of their hearts.

* You can find the next part of this story at the link in the description.