I am very nervous, Seth and I are going to his family's lodge for the weekend, and it will just be the two of us. I think we will finally do it. I hope we will finally do it today, We have waited for a long time, and just like any couple, our relationship is new, and the fire is still burning.
I start chewing my nails, a bad habit I still haven't managed to get rid of despite my age
'' Hey, Pan .... Pan! ... Pan!...PAN!!!'' Emma snaps me out of my thoughts,
'' What are you thinking about?'' She asks, handing me my drink and food,
'' Thank you,'' I mumble, taking the food and drink, still partially engrossed in my own mind.
''So?'' she asks again, with a concerned look on her face.
I chew my lip again, causing her forehead to crease with worry.
'' I am so worried about this weekend; what if I know I am physically ready, but this is new territory for me, I have so many mental concerns, and honestly, I am the bottom; what if there is an accident."
I give in and explain, my face burning with embarrassment; it's not a conversation you have with your friends casually.
Emma spits out her drink amused and probably surprised at my statement, and starts laughing. I give her a deadly glare
'' It's really not funny, Emma'' I grumpily say.
'' It will be fine Pan, Just remember sex isn't everything in a relationship, and you can both learn from each other, You just need to tell each other what you like and dislike and what makes you click, I didn't mean to laugh, it's just that. I have known you for 20 years and this is the first time you have been worried about anything to this extent.''
I node, completely understanding where she is coming from. She and I were born days apart to crazy parents who are best friends. Having known each other from the day we were both born, we had no choice but to be friends; luckily, she is someone I can rely on, and she is someone I care about significantly to worry about and check up on.
We share many secrets and worries, and that is only because we managed to form a bond, which is contrary to our other siblings who took the opposite opinion of each other and practically nearly killed each other whenever in the same space. I shudder at the thought of my older brother and her older brother's last Chinese New Year fiasco.
'' Maybe I should go to a gay club and ask them,'' I muse out loud.
''NO!! ' Emma shouts, gaining the attention of some people in the cafeteria. She apologizes to the girl she is now standing still with. shocked face. We bow our apologies.
"Stop worrying and talk to Seth", she hisses at me.
I sneer at her, and I decide to change the topic.
The rest of the day feels like I'm walking on fire.
By the time Emma drives me home, my nerves are already all over the place. once she leaves I start packing for the weekend. I'm so nervous, I make so many absentminded mistakes, at one point packing my textbooks but finally, I finish packing the bag with all the things needed and in order.
I text Seth letting him know I am done, I throw my weight on the couch in my room and finally dose off, probably from all the nerves, I am awakened by Chanyeol Tomorrow, a song he confessed me to which is now his ringing tone. "I'm outside," he says and hangs up without saying anything further.
What a prick, I laugh taking my bag and going downstairs. Seth is one of those people who you meet the first time and makes you feel awkward because he never says anything more than 10 words. When I first met him, he was constantly bullied because of that, but one summer he came back with a growth spurt that made him appear mysterious nothing had changed, he was still an awkward middle schooler.
I grab my bag and rush outside to his car, and to the passenger door. Once I open the door'. I'm met by two beautiful eyes looking straight at me, and my first thought is'' he is so handsome'',
All my worries just evaporate, and I feel my face burning and my heart beating with excitement and stand there like an idiot. all I want at this point is to hug him tightly and cuddle.
'' Get in and shut the door, you are creating a raft'' his curt voice draws me back to reality, I complain about him not being romantic and I throw my back in the back seat and sit at the front with him.
"Can I kiss you?" he says as soon as I close the door.
I want to laugh right now at how much guilt is flashing on his face. I nod, I can't wait for our weekend. At last, I will spend some time with Seth.
Soft lips meet mine and my mind goes completely blank
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