The shrieks of men and women were drowned out by the noise of blazing fire overtaking them. Esra stood like a statue stunned watching as people ran and begged for help as fire engulfed them. The skin peeled and melted off of the workers as she scanned searching for her father. Her heart began to race and tears mixed with sweat streamed down her face, only one thought loomed: I can save him. She suddenly started sprinting and dodged patches of fire searching aimlessly until she saw him standing alone away from the stampede. She tried to call out to him but her mouth produced no noise. When she tried to run towards him she tripped and fell to her hands and knees, remaining motionless on the ground staring at her father, her warm tears blurred her vision till they streamed down her cheek. Her heart dropped realizing she couldn't move. Her father turned to look at her and only smiled as if nothing was wrong before an explosion consumed him leaving only his silhouette until it too vanished. The blast left a deafening ringing in her ear. Her body gave in and hunched over, her face to the ground, as she wailed.

Esra woke from her mother calling her to come eat dinner. Her body still wouldn’t move as she tried to sit up. That dream occurred often; she never made it. She’d been trampled, burned, shoved, and more. No matter what she did it always ended with an explosion. She sighed then glanced over at her window, the black-out curtains allowed no sunlight inside, if the sun was out, she had no clue if it were night or day, rainy or sunny, snowy or clear. She felt her body release her from the invisible force holding her down. Goosebumps scattered on her body from the icy air as she sat up. She crawled out of bed towards the window and slid the curtain so that a sliver of the street lights gleamed through. It was night, rainy, and a bit slushy on the ground. She thought of the many snow days shared with her father, and she thought of how those days will never be the same again. Esra was deep in her thoughts, always thinking of how it was before the incident and how much she missed the way things were. She thought about how she never appreciated the small stuff, how she wasn’t on the best terms with her father before he passed, and so much more. Her mind was overwhelmed with so many emotions that she shut down completely. Tears welled in her eyes as she thought of his laugh when they’d have snowball fights, or when he’d take a picture of every snowman she made each year. Her mother would stand on the front porch wrapped in blankets watching with a smile. Never could she have imagined what life is now. She used to promise her parents when she was older she’d come to their house and build a snowman every year even when she moved out. Now there’s no joy in it without him to laugh with. How can someone just be gone so easily?

"ESRA!"

Her mother called for her again. Feeling numb and heavy, Esra walked to her door. The world was so empty and cold without him around to fill it with his warm presence. After a moment to wipe her tears she walked out into the kitchen where her exhausted mother opened a pizza box to grab a slice. 

“I’m not really hungry right now mom. I’ll eat later.” Esra took only a few steps away from her door knowing she would quickly be retreating back to her room. 

“You haven’t eaten anything all day, at least grab a slice or two to take back to your room.” Her mom handed over a plate with two slices of pizza on it without even glancing at her. They both knew when she went back to her room she wasn’t going to come back out until tomorrow. Esra thanked her and walked towards her room.

 It was hard for her to see her mom in such a state. She had thinned out, her eyes were puffy and red, and a permanent frown creased her face which aged her. She turned back to look at her mom before closing her room door only to see her mom staring off into space. If only she could know what was going on inside her mother’s head, what if they were feeling the same thing, or maybe they felt completely different. Esra didn’t even know how she felt to begin with. Confused? Grieved? Depressed? It’s not a drowning or suffocating feeling, but a burning in her lungs like she’s never breathed air before and her body has gone into a type of shock. Her body is just struggling for help while no one around her seems to realize. What would you call that? Esra turned away into her room.

Silence fell as she set her plate of pizza next to the other dishes. She knew her mom had no energy to cook, so for dinner it was pizza, takeout, or nothing at all. Esra crawled back in bed to close her eyes and hoped to fall asleep as soon as possible. All she seemed to do was sleep recently, the sleep was short and unrestful. Her body was achy and sore yet she has done nothing but lay in bed and cry since her father died. Dreams seem to be her only escape from the reality of her situation. Car rides, park visits, dinners, family events, birthdays, christmas’s, everything she can remember she dreams about. This time she dreamt about the annual family camping trip her father loved to go on. Every year he kept the same excitement ever since she could remember, but his enthusiasm wasn’t shared with her mother. Esra loved every bit of it, the long road trip listening to dad’s music the whole way, the hike to their perfect spot, setting up camp, going fishing, or stomping through mud. Her father and her shared a deep love for nature while her mother was an indoor person who was a neat freak. Her mother always tagged along as a good sport, but Esra and her father both knew she didn’t enjoy a bit of it. As she day-dreamed of the past she drifted into sleep.

It was a sunny warm day at the forest we would all go to. There were trees taller than my imagination could handle, a lake that sparkled more beautiful than any diamond, and once the sun set the world became a painting. I used to dream of climbing all the way to the top of those trees and gaze at the picturesque scenery. This was his favorite spot for camping, and although mom hated it we all still bonded a lot during those trips. Dad and I were fishing and caught the biggest fish I’d ever seen, at least my life of 11 years at the time. I was so excited so I ran towards mom, sitting on a folding chair reading, with my big flopping prize. 

“Momma! Momma! Look what I caught! Look!”

Mom looked horrified as she saw the poor fish. “Esra no! Do not come near me with that!” She gave me a look of displeasure as she pointed at me and I immediately retreated . I was disappointed mom didn’t want to see the fish I had been so proud of catching. I was confused and almost embarrassed by how overwhelming my excitement was but wasn’t met with the same enthusiasm. I just wanted her to see it instead of getting upset with me.

“Hey kiddo… it’s okay. Momma just doesn’t like slimy creatures like this big ol’ guy, you didn’t do anything wrong.”  Dad crouched down and put his hand on my back, then rubbed it in circles. He always knew what I was feeling and how to comfort me back then. He smiled warmly like he always did, and like he’ll never do again.

“C’mon now throw it back into the water.” I looked at the barely surviving fish and threw it back in the water as he asked and gave him a small smile. He rubbed my head then stood straight back up. 

“How ‘bout we start on heading back to camp! A campfire, some hot-dogs, and smores sound really good right about now! Doesn’t that sound good Dove?” He yelled towards mom and she gave an enthusiastic thumbs up.‘Dove’ was the nickname my dad gave mom, I never got the chance to ask where it came from though. Clearly mom was ready to get away from the fish smelling lake and get back to staying inside the tent reading. As we all packed up and set towards walking back to camp I looked back at the lake  for one last glance before leaving. I saw someone… someone I don’t know against the wonderful scenery. He had black hair and black eyes like dark voids. He looked frightened but also completely empty like a shell of who he once was. I looked at him for a moment before looking towards where mom and dad went, but they were no longer there. Nothing was there. It was a black void. I turned to face the boy, who was still there but no longer in the once wonderful scenery. Water appeared beneath my feet that barely went above my ankles, but the source of that water was nowhere to be found. The water was a tad warm on my feet. I made eye contact with the strange boy, and as we stared at one another for longer I felt my body becoming warmer and warmer. Sweat began to fall down my forehead and my hands began to shake. Who was this boy? He smiled slightly with saddened eyes.

Esra tossed in her bed as her eyes opened suddenly then put her hand on her pounding head. Maybe all that not eating finally caught up to her. She eyed the two slices of cold pizza sitting on her dresser, then walked over to them and started munching on it. It wasn’t too bad, even though it was cold it was decent pizza if warmed up. She looked around her barely lit room then checked her phone, 1:46 AM. There were a good handful of calls and messages from friends and family, but not as many as when her father first passed. People move on with their lives eventually, but Esra seemed to be stuck. She placed her phone facing down on her dresser. Her headache faded as she finished up her food then leaned against her dresser and began to think about her dream. The boy she saw wasn’t supposed to be there, so it must’ve just been a kid she knew at the time and the memories mixing up. She dismissed the unsettled feeling she felt when thinking about the black-haired boy and moved her thoughts onto something else for the time being. 

She felt similar to that fish she’d caught… a fish out of water just struggling. She’d been torn away from her safe place to be vulnerable to the open, feeling as if she were dying, just disconnected from the world she once knew. It hurt to breathe and she always felt a sort of panic. Her life wasn’t meant to be like this like a fish isn’t meant to be on land. She felt her heart begin to race and decided it was best to just distract herself from the strange dream and inclosing thoughts. As her eyes glazed over her room for a distraction she glanced at her closet which had a shimmer of light coming from the peak of the curtains stretched across it. She made eye contact with a big black eye through the crack of her closet door, and paused. The eye retreated into the shadows. “Who the fu-'' she straightened up. She grabbed her father’s abandoned baseball bat that was leaning against the wall and started towards the closet door and whipped it open, but what she saw was nothing more than some boy crouched in a ball. She attempted to pick him up by his collar with her free hand but it went through him. “What the…?” Esra looked at her hand then back at the boy who was now staring straight at her. “I… uhm…” He couldn't say a word. The boy was pale, but not normal pale, like a pale glow. He looked maybe 15 or 16, he had a lost puppy look in his eyes, and one of his eyes was swollen and bruised. “I’ve gone nuts…” Esra mumbled and looked at the boy in shock as thoughts rushed crazily through her mind. Is he a ghost? Is she hallucinating? Has she lost it or is she just dehydrated? What was even happening? Isn’t he the boy in her dream?

The thoughts were endless.