I saw a snake outside of the school. It’s nothing out of the ordinary considering it was summer but the snake was white. It could’ve been albino but it had bright blue eyes and its scales had a sort of halogen to them; if the sun hit them just right, they would shine a sparkly blue. I took note of it. I hoped it would return someday so that I could get a better look because no matter how much research I did, I couldn’t find any snake like it. The only similar ones were from Photoshop.

A couple days went by and I hadn’t seen it. I got so desperate that I actually got caught rummaging in the bushes during lunch by a teacher. It was embarrassing, having twigs sticking out of my hair and thistles in my sleeves. It was worth it though because I found a scale. A white scale with a blue glint to it. It smelled like flowers unfortunately. I hate flowers. To be honest, this snake was the first thing that intrigued me in a long time.

Jaded. Pessimistic. Cruel. That’s what people typically call me. I don’t really take an interesting approach to life. The term I prefer is existentialist. I’m not emotionless, I just choose to not take an interest in what path I take in life. It doesn’t matter what you do, everyone dies and there’s no such redemption that will save you. Religious suicide is not my thing and neither is worrying about the future. It wont do me any good because no matter what, it will always catch up to you. Realist works as well. Realism is easier to explain than my thousand year old philosophical ideology.

People also like to conspire about what could’ve happened to my humanity, or lack thereof. Nothing happened. I have a lovely family who accept and love me wholeheartedly. People like to make rumors for the things that they don’t understand. The rumors made me quite popular for the next two years. Now that I’m a senior, people are more hesitant to confront me about the rumors. I think it might be because of Carter.

Carter is my best friend. I met him freshman year and although we haven’t known each other for a long time, it’s almost like we’ve known each other since the beginning of time. Perfect yin and yang; he’s very athletic and popular because he’s pretty whilst I’m nerdy and popular because I have no soul. Lucky for me, he wasn’t popular in freshman year. If he was, I would be very lonely.

“Skank.” I turned around and, speak of the devil, “Hello, Carter.” He slapped my back far harder than necessary. I rubbed my shoulder. “What’d you think about the test in AP physics today?” He sat on the stairs next to me, manspreading his legs as he laid down on the concrete. A couple of girls walked by, pretending to not gawk at him. “Showing yourself off for all the females in heat?” He laughed as he waved to our classmates, “Are you jealous?”

“Why should I be?” Carter shrugged as he sat up and looked at me, “Thought you might want to keep me all to yourself.” The bell rang and students began to file out of the school doors. “You should come over.” I could barely hear him over all the footsteps. I considered his offer as he looked at me out of the corner of his eye. I was about to answer him until someone blocked our view of the sun.

“Hey, Carter.”

Nora Isult. She’s alright as far as females go. She doesn’t throw herself at Carter but you can tell that she’s interested in him at least. She’s been hanging around us a lot. Trying to make our pair a group of three. I’m not fond of the idea and I don’t think Carter really cares. He just likes playing with her. I don’t want to condone it but I don’t want her to stick around either.

“Hello, Nora. What can we do for you?” I smiled at Carter’s use of pronouns, hinting at the fact that we were a package deal. “I was wondering what you guys were gonna do this weekend.” Carter smiled as he looked at me, “Well Milo is probably going to be looking for his illusive reptile and I’m sure he’ll string me along just in case he gets bitten.” I elbowed his ribs and put me in a headlock, “My glasses, my glasses!”

I pushed him away and adjusted my frames, “I just got these, you idiot.” Carter put his arm around my shoulder, “And they make you look very cute.” He pinched my cheek harshly. I didn’t fight back considering I would lose. I rubbed my face when he let go. “I’m afraid we’re busy. I just invited him over and well, I’m not allowed to have girls over so,” Carter shrugged but you could tell he wasn’t upset about it at all.

Nora sighed, “Alright. Text me if you guys wanna hang out. The new ice cream place finally opened and I don’t wanna go by myself.” She followed the assembly of students that was beginning to fade out. Carter sat closer to me, putting his arm over my shoulders, “Come home with me.” I sighed, “Do I have a choice? You’re my ride home.” Carter laughed as he stood, “Nope, you’re mine for the night.”

Carter’s mother was nice. She was kind of strict but not when it came to me. She always reminded me that I could stay over whenever and however long I wanted. Carter tossed his backpack against the wall while I placed mine neatly on the ground, “How was your day?” He sat on his bed and patted the space next to him, “Good enough.” I sat down and watched as his hand slid from my jaw to my ear. I closed my eyes and let him kiss me.

I don’t know why I keep letting him do this. Kissing outside and sometimes inside of school. We’re not dating but I wouldn’t say we’re friends with benefits either. Carter would like that but I’m not fond of either of those ideas. Carter is my friend and I’d like to keep it that way. Evidently, he was my first kiss though. I was gay at the time and he was questioning his sexuality. By the end of it, we both turned out to be bisexual. I made him gayer and he made me straighter. I laugh about that sometimes.

He kisses well, I think. The only reason I tend to complain is when he pounces on me unexpectedly. He always does the same things when we kiss. First, he touches my jaw and makes contact. Then his hand slowly makes its way up to my ear. My ears are weirdly sensitive. I pull away sometimes when he does that but today I didn’t. Next, he pushes me against the mattress so that he can get a better angle. That’s what he told me when I asked him. Finally, we do that for however long he wants. Nothing beyond kissing and maybe some touching.

He only does what I want. If I tell him to stop, most of the time he will. Sometimes, if he’s had a stressful day, he’ll push me for more. We compromise. I’ll let him touch me under my shirt if he’s had a rough day. This helps him I guess. I don’t understand it but it doesn’t hurt me so I play along. I did tell him after a while that I didn’t feel anything for him when we kissed and he said that that’s alright because then things could get complicated. I agreed.

It’s been three months now.

“You need a girlfriend.” I wiped the saliva off of my chin with my sleeve. “Why don’t you be my girlfriend?” I could feel his hand inch up my school uniform, “You said your day was fine. No touching.” He sighed, “Why won’t you let me do anything?” I sat up and so did he, “Because we’re not dating. I don’t mind the kissing but I do mind you touching me inappropriately.” I removed his hand from my waist. “Date me then.”

“You’re the one who didn’t want to date. Besides, I don’t have those type of feelings towards you.” He looked sad. I didn’t mean to hurt him. “I know. I really do need a girlfriend.” He laughed but I could tell he was dejected. “Should we stop doing this?” Carter looked offended, “Why would we do that?” I shrugged, “If you’re starting to have feelings towards me then maybe kissing is a thing we shouldn’t be doing anymore.”

“No. I like this. I like what we’re doing.”

“Because you like me.”

He leaned forward, “Maybe I should kiss you to make you stop talking.” I placed my fingers over his lips, “Don’t. You’ll chap my lips if you keep kissing me.” Carter hummed quietly. A sneaky hum. “What if I didn’t kiss your lips?” He pushed my shirt up and kissed my stomach. I yelped and hit him on the head, “This is not funny!” He quickly pushed my shirt back down as his mother opened the door.

“Your father is napping. Quiet down please.” Carter nodded and looked back at me once his door closed. “You better be quiet or else we’ll get in trouble.” He shoved his head under my shirt. I told myself to move away from him but I didn’t. I didn’t want him to kiss me but I didn’t want him to stop either. So conflicting.

“Want me to help you find your snake tomorrow?” I picked up my bag and put my glasses back on, “If you don’t throw your lips at my body again, I wouldn’t complain if you joined me.” I looked back at him. He was grinning. Grinning and looking at me. “Those glasses do look much better on you than your square frames.” He stood and approached me, lightly caressing my cheek, “Those made you look studious but these ones make you look cute.”

“You already said that today.” I pushed the frames up high on my face. “Did I? Well, then you can hear it again because it’s true. You look so cute that I just want to lock you up and keep you to myself.” I scoffed, “You sound like a psychopath.” Carter grinned as he pulled me in by my waist, “Thank you.” I covered his mouth with my hand because I knew he would try to kiss me. “Just one more?” He spoke through my fingers. I shook my head.

He hummed and licked my hand. I recoiled and he kissed me. I exhaled through my nose as I rolled my eyes. Apparently “one more” means 10 more minutes to Carter.