Today I am attending a funeral. I suppose to mourn and cry for my loved one who's now deceased in the closed casket: my ma's and aunt Tina's mother, my grandmother, Valeria Athalie.
Since I was five years old, I haven't seen this loved one, and my memories of her are a blur. Far I was told she watched over me while my Ma was at night school, and my Papa was working a late shift at his late-night gigs. Everything seemed fair until my Ma and Granny start arguing. About what? I don't know. All I remembered was asking about it to Aunt Tina, and she would shoo me away with " It was about adult's business that children like you should stay away from." I only remember when my Ma graduated night school, my Ma and Granny had their last fight because, after that day, my ma cuts ties with granny completely.
I didn't hear from her since, no home visits, no phone calls, no email or letters, nothing. Years went by and still nothing; It was only a few months ago when Ma got a call from an unknown number. I remember that she held a glass bowl of salad in her right arm and held her phone with the other. In comparison, my seven-year-old sister, Jocelyn, and I were setting up the table for dinner we were startled by the sound of glass hitting the ground and shattering. We hurried to the kitchen and see the glass bowl broken on the floor with caesar salad. As we got closer to the mess, we could hear a quiet whimpering sound. We carefully walked around the kitchen island and saw Ma on the floor with her hands over her mouth, trying silent whimpering as she was crying. Jocelyn called out to Ma, we were about to head over to her, but Ma shouted at us to get away from the shattered glass and get the broom and dustpan. I looked at Jocelyn and could tell she was solicitude for her well-being but afraid to leave her alone while she's distressed.
I told Jocelyn to watch over Ma while I go and get the broom; she nodded, then I left the kitchen, went to the closet, and grab the broom and dustpan. While I was doing that, my mind was racing between different worse case scenarios that could make Ma fall apart like that. Is the landlord raising the rent, and Ma can't afford it? Is ma getting laid off from her job? I hope both Papa and Dante are okay. Did they make it to Lafayette safely? Did they get into a car crash?? I made it to the kitchen and immediately swept away the shattered glass with a broom and dustpan. After I finished clean up, Jocelyn hurries to her side and hugs her tightly to comfort her. I followed suit as I kneel to the floor and wrap my arms around my ma and little sister. Everything was quiet except for ma whimpering and sobs for a while until Jocelyn broke the silence.
" M-Mama, What wrong?... A-Are you okay?" Jocelyn asked with a shaken tone.
It took ma a moment to muster the strength to speak from crying. Ma looked at both of us with red and puffy eyes.
" Jocelyn...Jasmine, it's your granny...Grandma Valeria. I got a call from her old friend informing me that... She dies tonight...S-She's gone." she said through her tears.
If you asked me how I felt at that moment after Ma told me about my granny's passing, my honest answer would and still is...numb. Don't get me wrong, I felt terrible for my ma, and I felt guilty for feeling this way. Especially since how much she did for my folks and me while I was little. Ma was unemployed, pregnant, and focused on getting her Master's degree in English to become an English Professor. Papa was struggling to get gigs for his band, and when he did, he would have to travel and have to be gone for days. While that was happening to my folks, Aunt Tina was also trying to balancing her schooling and raising her three-year-old daughter, Camila, by herself while her baby daddy is in jail for drug-dealing charges. Neither of them received enough money to take us to daycare or hire a babysitter while they are taking care of "adult business."
Everyone debated and came to term that taking us to Granny Valeria's was their only option at the time. Those days were a blur cuz like I said before, I was FIVE. I could remember clearly getting my ass beat by Granny Val cuz I played fighting too roughly with Camila and made her cry. Don't blame five-year-old me; blame those Brazilian Capoeira matches that Granny Val turns on and had us watch with her while she smoked her cigars. It could be what started my passion for fighting stem from her. Besides that; My memories of her are very fuzzy, and I don't have a clear memory of her face. Luckily they handed us funeral pamphlets when we walk in before the service started.
There's a colored photo of Granny Val in her younger years, probably in her mid-20s. She looks beautiful, and I can see that my Ma and Aunt Tina got their looks from her. From her firm brown skin to her stunning slightly narrow chocolate brown eyes. Her full lips form into a smooth and even flirtatious smile. She was wearing a white gown with colorful beads and head wrap. I can see where I get my moles from my ma's side.
The focus was supposed to be on the pastor preaching his verse; my focus was elsewhere. There are many unfamiliar faces, and I shouldn't be surprised. From what my ma told me that my grandmother had "business" friends that helped her run her "business" and loyal clients that she "claims" she views as family.
What kind of business did you ask? Clothing?
No.
Skin products?
No.
Weaves?
No.
Drugs??...Maybe? I don't know. It's something that ma isn't willing to tell. Ion knows how loyal the folks are cuz before the funeral service starts, as my family walks in the church, the attention and gossiping I could hear was about us, more specifically about my Ma...
"Here comes the oldest child, Nilin..."
"She finally shows up...after all these years.."
"I heard she didn't let her see her grandchildren for years.."
"She died alone at the hospital with no family around...what a shame."
" Do you think she's here cuz she wants to collect what's in the will?"
" If it was, I'm not surprised."
" Yeah, I heard she went through a rough divorce three-year-ago. She has been struggling ever since."
" How come she just find a new man?"
" Maaan, whose wanna fuck with a woman with three kids??"
" Well, look at her...She still looks good for her age; maybe she'll find a man eventually."
"Or maybe even get a sugar daddy."
" What a shame...so classless."
Get a sugar daddy?
Classless??
You know what, fuck y'all. My ma doesn't need a man to handle her business and take care of Jocelyn and me. My bro, Dante, is doing fine in my Papa's custody. The child support money is always paid on time and makes sure the payments benefit us. How dare you say she's classless. The only classless people are you motherfuckers gossiping like she can't hear. Y'all just lucky that we're in the house of the lord cuz I would've-
"Jasmine, mi hija(my child), are you okay?" hearing my ma's subtle Spanish accent cut off my mental rant, and I looked at her. I must've looked too agitated by the concerned look on my Ma's face.
"It's okay, ma...I don't know how to feel now that Granny Val is gone.." I respond quietly. I didn't want ma to worry about me since this isn't about me; this is about Ma finding peace.
" I see." Ma gives my hand a reassuring squeeze." I understand how you feel. Don't worry; she's in a better place now." She turns her attention to the pastor. I try to do the same, but it only lasted for 15 minutes because someone caught my eye.
A woman is sitting in the front row, a bench away from us. This woman looks older than Ma, but she barely has any wrinkles ( of course, because black don't crack). Her white dreadlocks are up in a ponytail, and it was long enough to be touching the seat cushion of the bench. She was wearing a black dress that hugs her body and curves nicely. Even though she's wearing long sleeves, they're see-through, and I see that she's hiding a well-toned figure in the black dress.
I can't help but admire that because I believe that you can have a body like Serena Williams and still call yourself a queen like her. I wasn't prepared when she noticed me staring and smile at me. I looked away out of instinct. I was embarrassed to be caught staring. I know it was rude to stare, and I know better, but I wasn't expecting to get noticed and receive a smile like that. But what can I do? Should I apologize? How?? How could I-
"Jasmine, what's the matter with you?"
I snapped out of my thoughts by Ma's annoyed tone of voice.
" Why are you daydreaming while you should be paying attention, child?"
" I'm sorry, Ma, but-" I point at the woman who smiled at me. "Do you know that woman?"
Now the woman wasn't looking at me and was focusing on the pastor. My ma's look over at the woman for a second and then look at me, more annoyed than interested.
" Her name is Olivia. She used to work under your granny while she was alive. Now hush and pay attention, mi hija."
Ma looks ahead and signals me to do the same. I did what I am told because I'm not in the mood to get a smack on the head for disobeying her.
Olivia, huh? I thought to myself. Then I start using sign language to spell her name without realizing it.
O.
L.
I...
V.
I...
A...Olivia...What a graceful name.
Suddenly I felt someone flick me on the side of my head. That, someone, was my Ma, and she was glaring at me like she needs to repeat herself, but she doesn't have to say a word because her glare speaks volume. And I'll be damned to get embarrassed in front of everyone. So I look back at the pastor as he is finishing up his preaching.
Hallelujah
Comments (2)
See all