In the world’s most lavish and expensive-looking (that's very important to know) diamond-decorated chapel, a man and a woman stand beneath an array of amethyst-adorned lights…

…they were meant to be separated by generations of royal rule of law but have found themselves drawn together by destiny…

…drawn together…by love…I’m so clever~❤️

“...can I open my eyes now?” the woman asks.

“...yes…” the man answers.

“EHHHHHHHHH!?!?!?!?!?” The pretty (but NOWHERE near as pretty as me) pointy-eared girl, formally known as the Princess of SaurDIAMONDS, has tears in her shining eyes that match the glittering gem upon her forehead. 

The smoooooth man had slipped an onyx engagement ring with the emblem of a poker club on her finger.

“What are you thinking? Have you lost your mind!?” The Princess’s long lizard-like tail wiggles. “You know what father would do if he-” 

This hot man, formally known as the Prince of JungleCLUBS, puts a finger to her lips as he rustles his furry monkey tail. “Your father may execute me, but he can never execute my eternal love and devotion for you~❤️”

“Oh-ho-ho-hooooooooo~❤️” The Princess blushes, shaking her head with giddy delight. “You’re such a poet~❤️”

The two lovers hold hands in this moment of magnificent matrimony. 

The Princess of SaurDIAMONDS is overcome with and blinded by romance, literally, as she can’t even see the Prince’s face anymore. She only sees twinkling roses, thinking about how she’ll be spending the rest of her life with a hot man in a nice big house by the beach, having lots of babies, being called beautiful all the time in front of everybody, going shopping everywhere, eating breakfast every morning at the priciest coffee shops, and making all the other princesses and queens soooooooooooooooooo jealous cuz this is HER man now. All for herself. Yeah, yeah~!

“Now let’s skip straight to the honeymoon, MY monkey MAN~❤️” The Princess of SaurDIAMONDS grasps the Prince, swings him low, and puckers up. “Your new royal duties are only just getting started~❤️” She snorts like a pig.

“GET THINE FACE AWAY FROM HER!” A voice breaks into the scene with the opening doors to the chapel.

The Prince of JungleCLUBS actually hadn’t moved at all. Right now, only the Princess was making moves, ironically enough…

“UNHAND HER!” More voices enter the chapel.

The Princess is the one with her hands on him, but the voice approaching the chapel doesn’t care to make that distinction.

 “No daughter of mine…NEIGH…NO ROYAL MEMBER OF THE SAURDIAMONDS KINGDOM SHALL BE TAINTED BY THE JUNGLECLUBS! REMOVE THAT RING AT ONCE!” The King of SaurDIAMONDS cracks his lizard’s tail with a boom on the ground and draws a curved blade. “...and shall you resist…” 

An entire army of other lizard men draws out similar curved blades in sync.

“YEAH!” *buuuuuuuuuurp* Someone crass crashes the party. “MY boyfriend is only flirting with you because he’s bored and looooooves being chased by ME!” It’s the (also) furry-tailed Queen of JungleCLUBS. She downs a large glass mug of beer that she must have swiped from the bar. She’s a one bitch army and didn’t bother bringing anyone else with her. “And a monkey man belongs in his natural habitat with his monkey woman~❤️” *BURP* “Making monkey babies~❤️”

Obviously, I don’t wanna waste precious ink drawing such an improper lady, so no art for her, HMPH!

“You must be confused.” The Princess of SaurDIAMONDS holds the Prince’s arm close to her chest. “He told me he dumped your penniless ass for being too poor…”

“EHHHH!?!?!?” The Queen of JungleCLUBS cries heavy streams. “I know that me working two jobs and giving up my weekends still isn’t enough to support you, but I’m trying my best, baby! WAAAAAAAAH!”

“Oh baby, it’s not like that!” The Prince runs over and grabs the Queen’s hands. “It was…umm…err…my gambling debts got deeper and deeper, and I didn’t want to burden you with working so hard anymore…yeah…”

“Oh~?” The Queen blushes. “You care about me so much~❤️”

“HEY, PUNK! WHAT ABOUT MY DAUGHTER!” The King of SaurDIAMONDS rattles his blade.

“...ah…” Sparkly droplets grace the cheeks of the Princess of SaurDIAMONDS. “...go chop her head off, Daddy~❤️ This filthy beggar scum is ruining my moment.”

The King sweats. “Now, now, pumpkin. We didn’t want to seriously harm anybody. Just shake ’em up a little.” He nods.

The lizard army nods and sweats with the King. 

“I can do it myself, Daddy~❤️” The Princess yanks the blade from his hand. “I’ll make it quick and feed her disease-ridden carcass to the rats~❤️”

“Whoooooaaaaaa, now, now…” The Prince runs over to grab the Princess’s hands. “Bloodshed doesn’t suit such a beautiful, delicate, gentle creature like yourself.”

“Oh~?” The Princess blushes. “How about just her tail, then~?” She hands him the blade. “Do it and prove your loyalty~❤️”

The Prince is shocked, and his face goes pale.

The Queen of JungleCLUB’s tail flings up and puffs like a firecracker. She stomps on over. “HE SHOULD BE PROVING HIS LOYALTY TO ME!” She cracks her knuckles. “I bet your tail comes right off…” She spits on the floor.

The Prince gets wobbly in the knees and slowly backs away from the growling girls.

“Desperate to replace your cheap one?” The Princess yawns. “...commoner…” Her tail glistens as she checks her nails.

*GRRRRRR* “YOU PRISSY LITTLE…” The Queen lunges and tackles the Princess with primal power.

“Ewwwwwwww, keep your greasy paws off of me!” The Princess rolls the Queen into a vicious chokehold. “When was the last time you EVER had a manicure? Or even afford one? Oh-ho-ho-hoooooooooooooooooo!” 

The Queen breaks out of the chokehold, and the brawl between her and the Princess quickly escalates into a dust cloud until they can no longer be seen, only felt as the melee quakes across the chapel’s floors and walls.

“BITCH!”

“BITCH!” 

“BITCH!”

“BITCH!”

The Prince, the King of SaurDIAMONDS, and the SaurDIAMONDS army are all content holding each other and cowering in fear off to the side, safely…

“It’ssssssss horrible!” A soldier hisses. “Why musssssst they fight like this?”

“...this is how it’s supposed to be…” The Prince of JungleCLUBS stands proudly. “..because…” He turns to face the group dramatically. “...love IS war…” His face sparkles.

*snore*

The King of SaurDIAMONDS and the army clap lightly and cheer at how expertly poetic that was. The Prince bows.

*SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE*

“Em hem…”

*SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE*

“Dee…”

*SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE*

“DEE!”

*SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE*