The sound of breath, it sounds heavy, sounds hard, it sounds like that person really trying hard to stay alive. Just like me, trying to live though I’m not living.
Slowly my eyes are getting used to the darkness, realized the heavy breath was mine, my body feels so heavy, but the cold and hard stone floor makes me trying to get up. I know this place. This small stone room, with the iron bars always let me know I’m still trapped in the same prison, the same room, on the very same spot.
My right ankle is chained to the wall, making sure I won’t do anything stupid like running away, but I have no plan to escape from this place because I know well where I am, I’m inside my own mind, yes, this is for sure my dream, the nightmare that haunted me every time I fall asleep.
Though it didn’t feel hurt, but I know my body is wounded, leaning on the wall I prepare my heart well for the next scene. In no time, the sounds of heavy footsteps are approaching me.
My tears started to flow, it hard to breath, though all the effort to prepare my heart every single time, I’d still cried and sobbed, my body flinched at the sound of the iron bar. A big shadow walked in, I still couldn’t see his face, but I could hear his laughter, it echoed like a lion’s roar. My hands automatically slapped my ears tightly, but his laughter still stabbed me from every corner.
“Look who is here.” He whispered on my ear.
And something rolls on the floor, I screamed out loud, screaming and crying, my mind went blank, and I fainted...
I woke up in my room, panting hard and still sobbing, my body trembled in fear, I hate this, I hate the fact that I never had a good rest, its been years, but my nightmare haunts me like it just happened yesterday.
I was kidnapped once, when I was 12 years old, I didn’t even remember anything about that kidnapping case but I was found in Japan with wounds all over my body, I was given a new identity, because I refuse to open my mouth and keep telling them I couldn’t remember a thing, part of it is true, during the 2 years I was held by the kidnapper, I couldn’t recall a single thing but instead, I was terrified of everything, small rooms, locks, and I even fear of adults, the doctor said its too traumatic for me so I erase the memories myself, repressing the traumatic experience, but at least I was not rape, it was not for sexual desire that I was kidnapped. I spend years at the hospital before they send me to an orphanage, but my nightmare was never gone, it haunts me for life, though it was almost 15 years since then, my subconscious still fully aware of it and can’t seem to get over it.
“Huff…..” I sighed in relieved as I felt much better, physically and mentally, I hate sleep, been doing my best to avoid sleep, if people are working their best to get some more sleep, I have been doing my best to not sleep. Staying awake for more than 3 days is not something new to me, I always doze off for a few minutes but that’s it, no sleep. As long as I could still stay awake I will not sleep.
My apartment is small, never have many stuff so I don’t need big space. I only need a bed, and a big desk. As long as I have my screens, I can work. White is the theme, bed, desk, the kitchen, dining table, chairs, and even my PC and screens are in white. I love white, been in love with white since I can remember. For me white is the color of light, the warmest color of all.
I sighed, so many mails to check, most of them I have zero interest in so I skipped a lot of them, I only take one job at a time, no exception, I will hibernate for a few months before I take another job. While I scroll down, a title caught my eye, it said,
Destroyed SCAR, Reward $2 billion.
SCAR? That’s the company that I’m interested to get into right now. The reward is lower than what I want, its not worth the effort for a company as famous as SCAR...