“From here on, we walk our own paths for I could never walk the path of a coward.”
“For years, those words of yours would haunt me every time I closed my eyes. Though my life as a stable boy was comfortable and peaceful, my heart was never at ease.”
The stinging pain in Li Wai’s voice was evident. As I remembered the way in which we parted, it brought on a similar ache in my chest. It had not been easy for me to cut myself off from him and many a time, I caught myself thinking of him subconsciously during my first year in the Imperial Palace as a chamber maid. But as I quickly ascended in rank, those thoughts dwindled until they were a mere fleeting question as to whether he was still alive or dead. I had no time or energy to spare on such useless ponderings when a miscalculated decision could easily destroy my status or worse, my life.
But hearing Li Wai speak of how my words made such a profound impact on him stunned me. Wanting to hear more, I remained silent, implicitly urging him to continue.
He gave me a quick glance before his gaze returned to the empty cup that he held in his hands. “I had no idea what had happened to you until one day, I heard that the Emperor had banished you to the Cold Palace after you murdered the Empress’s child. I was shaken, to say the least.”
“My reason for not wanting to enter the Imperial Palace was because I didn’t want you to be in harm’s way.” His grip on the wooden cup tightened. “But I realized that was your decision to make, not mine. If I could not persuade you away from your path, then the least I could do was to protect you.”
My chest tightened in response and I suppressed the urge to clutch it. I maintained my upright posture, my unwavering expression. But within, my barriers were crumbling, the regret and despair I locked away now leaking out. My ears still rang with my desperate plea to him so many years ago to follow me, my eyes still had imprinted in them his hesitant look that told me everything I needed to know. The sinking feeling of not having his support made me abandon him before he could utter the words that would cast me away.
“I was wrong to have let you go alone. That has been my only regret in this life,” Li Wai continued. “It is the greatest honor of my life to be able to guard you once again.”
I could barely breathe, my lips parting just a little as if to catch the last whisper of air. My heart felt strangely at peace, like a huge weight had been lifted from my soul. It was a warming sensation that was very reminiscent, yet something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
Until a burning pain in my arm distracted me from my thoughts. It wasn’t as much a searing ache as it was a nagging sting that sat just above my left wrist. I had not been injured in that area, let alone feel any sort of pain for the past few hours. And what bothered me the most was that it seemed to originate from within my body.
Li Wai’s voice broke through my thoughts as he resumed. “In a way, this is just like old times. Except of course, we’ve matured so much since then.”
As I pieced together what was happening, my eyes widened in realization and I instantly recovered my aloof demeanor. Staring down at him, I snapped, “You seem to forget who you’re talking to, Captain Li Wai. Your head could roll for such disrespect.”
Li Wai immediately dipped his head so low that it almost touched the tray on his lap. “Your humble subject begs for your forgiveness, my words were not well thought out and a result of my weakened physique.”
I rose from my chair and gave a wave of my hand, dismissing him. “Seeing that you meant no harm, I shall pretend that you never mentioned it. Once you’re fully rested, we’ll leave this place.”
“Thank you, Empress.”
I nodded curtly and left the small room, shutting the wooden door behind me. As I leaned against its frame, I pulled up my sleeve, exposing the soulmate tattoo on my arm. Its black ink was tinted with red, the veins that snaked below it already green. A shiver ran down my spine as my worst fears were confirmed.
There was no turning back now.
Not after the first disintegration.
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