The night was silent, except the sound of the buzzing crickets. High above there, in the dark sky, the full moon was peeping through the floating clouds, as if she also was hesitating of something just like me. Inhaling a deep breath, I looked straight into his eyes and finally confessed to him; I love you.

            In a shattering voice I asked him, "Do you love me?"

            My gaze was still fixed on those mesmerizing grey eyes. A reply which my ears earned to hear for so long, never came. I held a hope inside me. His lips were sealed, but maybe his eyes were telling me that. I truly wanted to believe those light grey eyes which were flickering in the moonlight.

            Maybe because of blindness in love it was just my illustration. I desired the embrace of his hands, and the warmth of his body. I wanted to feel being protected and cared. Nothing else mattered to me, not even my own life. I was a fool in love. I was love-struck.

            I was a naive child then. 

            I learned how painful love can be at fourteen years. For him those words were forbidden yet for me those three words meant the world. Since I met his eyes, everything changed. My lips were craving for his burning kisses; there was a burning sensation in my body whenever he touched me. Gradually I came to know I'm different.

           Sometimes I still wonder how it all started. My mind just roams back to the gentle smile of a boy which was beyond beautiful. Then, my thoughts got derailed and my trust once again was being shattered. I was already broken but he destroyed me. I felt love for the first time, and I was so happy for the very first time. But I guess happiness never lasts for long. I was odd and a silent boy that was always bullied and laughed at.

             But for him it was just a joke. I felt for him, but he just pointed finger toward me. I once heard someone talking He felt so easy, but I walked away without uttering a single word. Shouldn't have put put my guard down in front of him and then I would never had to regret a single thing, at least at that time. That for a moment I have been, even if everything was on my mind.

             In the end, I was just a bad joke that shouldn't have been born.

              Pathetic, useless, abnormal.

             There were words etched deep in my heart, as I looked into the eyes of all. When everything shattered and my world crumbled into fragments, the bloody dusk, smearing my body, and the semi-darkness became, a stigma for my sin ...