Dull was that feeling she had grown accustomed too, the feeling that now seemed normal, that feeling that seemed to drown out any other emotion. It was something she had been feeling for the past 4 years in the torture, this cave, this prison. Though, unlike other prisons where you needed this elaborate plan to escape, years and years of planning, this one. It was a simple phone call, a phone call, and a description. A name that was now nationwide, Ala Kauis. You'd think if it was that easy to escape a prison-like this, this dull feeling that she was experiencing would've been redacted, replaced by joy. But it wasn't that simple. Ala was in love with this man, a love she didn't know where it festered from, she knew it was just the emotion she felt every time the other entered the room... Maybe it was forced? Maybe it was him trying to control her mind, make her.. his. All would be valid, but she didn't see it that way. She loved him, but she didn't understand why... she should hate him. Hate him for everything that he did to her, every bruise and scratch, every hospital bill she was forced to pay, every time he kicked and pushed her, every time he ignored her. But she didn't. Her mental would always tell her, 'It's just his way of loving', while her body screamed for her to fight back, to do something. To run, to leave, to fail, just do anything! But her mentality always won. Her mind would tell her she loved this man too much to ever break his heart like that, especially after every night, how his teal eyes gazed at her with this apologetic look in them, his voice cracked as he tried to explain his actions every night to her, his millions of apologies. 'He didn't mean it,' her mental would whisper, 'It's his own special way of showing his love', it echoed. Ala knew deep down somewhere this wasn't how lovers were supposed to be together. She knew and understood it well, but she just didn't understand why her brain didn't seem to catch on.
Ala sat at the edge of her bed, preparing herself for another day, another day of this hell. Her body was marked from those of her lover, along her dark skin, she had these massive bruises primarily on her thighs and legs, her torso and arms marked with what seemed to resemble teeth marks, hickeys, love markings her lover called them. Her body felt the pain course throughout her.. it was agonizing, every movement felt like a thousand pin needles trying to force themselves into one area. But her mind, how twisted it was, it made her truly believe, it was what lovers did. This is the marking of a lover, not a monster. Not someone who's killed people, not someone who has beaten on their wife for almost half a goddamn decade. No, not at all. This was someone who loved her, someone who would sacrifice anything for them. Again, her brain would replay that note, 'It's just his special way, everyone is different.' Ala rolled her shoulder's back, a small whimper leaving her mouth as she felt the joints suddenly having to move under the bruised and sore skin and flesh. The dark-skinned female got up from her area of the bed, slowly making her way towards the large walk-in closet she and her... partner owned. She walked into the area, slowly flipping through the current of clothes she had owned, after some time, a long time. She managed to pick out an outfit, something covering yet fitting. An Autumn orange sweater, with dark blue jeans, and some matching velvet heels for the sweater. It was nothing grand, it was something to cover up these wounds, these wounds he never liked.
Ala slowly tracked her walk into the large bathroom, she and Griffin owned, She stopped at the door to flick on the blinding white light, it caused her to squint staring ahead and looking around the room as she tried to adjust to the lighting. Directly in front of her of the large mirror that showed her the swollen purple and blue flesh around her eye, the split eyebrow, and the slowly forming scar along her collar bone. Ala gave a low shaky sigh before she stepped into the cold bathroom, closing and locking the door behind her. Despite the coldness, she felt on her feet- or the cool air that soothed her bruised fleshed, she felt warm. She felt comfort. This was the only place that man wouldn't step for in, no matter what might be the case. It was her safe spot, the one place she knew she could go to to escape the world around her, where she can just take in everything that's happened. The bruised women placed the clothing down on the marbled counter, her shoes being placed onto the far corner of the bathroom away from the shower and bath. The girl sat on the lid of the toilet as she leaned overturning the water on. She sat there watching the water drain itself.. It was similar to her in away. It was just this endless cycle, it ran, and ran before having to drain itself and repeat the process. She had to go throughout the day, every day, before the next morning she would need to wash the previous day away and start all over again.
Once she felt as if the water had run long enough, she climbed into the shower, closing the current behind her. She gave these inward whines as the hot water clashed against her tender skin, she stood still for a moment waiting for her skin to numb at the feeling of the scalding water on her skin. It was a painful experience some would say but to her, it was nothing. It was as bad as the kicks in the head, the contact of his fist against her cheek or arm, or anything for that matter. If anything, it felt like a pinch or the light grasp of Delia, it was something she could easily ignore. Ala she stood under the drain, just staring as the dirt and blood slithered it's way down towards the drain. What was the point? She questioned, no this wasn't her mental speaking for once... this was just her. Why would she even bother to wash off the blood if it were just going to come back? What was the point of soothing these bruises that would slowly make a reappearance? What was the point? That question, it banged against her head like Griffin's fist against her skin. What was the point... there was nothing for her. It was the same 7 rooms, the same 3 faces, the same gruff voice, the same screams and whines of a child. Tears began to form, a thin gloss covering her eyes, her sight became blurry and naturally, the other blinked. The warm tears trailed down her cheek, dropping down to travel with the rest of the water. She felt her chest tighten, her freckled cheeks became a harsh red, her throat ached as she tried to keep in this sob. She felt her knees grow weaker as her body began to shake. It felt like pressure deep within her that just wanted to be released, that just wanted to be free. Ala shook her head as she swallowed a hot lump down her throat, she backed into a wall of the shower, slowly sliding down it, no.. she couldn't show weakness. No, she couldn't, it wouldn't do anything for her. It would only make her look like a bunny in her lover's sight.
She sniffled and shook under the showerhead, her hand covered her mouth as a way to muffle her shallow cries. The harder she tried to keep her cries low from any unwanted ears. She didn't like this, how her mind, body, and soul seemed to all be at war with one another. Her body wanted to run from this life she had grown accustomed too. Her mind kept telling her it was all love, it wasn't his fault he was this way. Her soul, it just wanted to be happy. Ala stared ahead as her chest raised and fell, she breathed heavily and hot, her body trembling, her hands felt her across her chest, neck, and face. Why was she so hot?? Why was everything so tight?? This was her safe haven, why didn't she feel the same way she felt anywhere else. She didn't understand. She clutched her first pressing it on either side of her head, she was tired of these thoughts constantly telling her these lies.. or painful truths? She couldn't decipher them. She banged the underside of her fist against her head, as she trembled. Why did she have to deal with this? No one should have to deal with this torture of their body telling them these painful truths, wanting to do these all these different things. As her fist collided against her skull, it was almost.. calming. She did it once more, the screams of those... words her mind screamed they seemed to calm, they got quieter with every hit. Is this how he felt when he punched her? A sudden wave of relief? Ala couldn't even seem to hear the screams of her body or soul, telling her begging her to stop that this wasn't the answer.
Ala suddenly stopped, letting the pain of the blows against her skull settle in. What was she doing? Ala looked at her first handshaking the moment her amber eyes laid onto her reddened brown skin. This isn't... this isn't right, no, no no! She wouldn't do what he already does to her. No. She slowly forced her hand down on the side of her, taking some of the weight off her left hand as she stared at the white marbled tile that was the shower floor. It felt like if she didn't calm down, she might die. Her heart could be heard pounding against her chest, her eyes closed as she tried to calm down. Suddenly, there was a different feeling. It felt like cold needles, it caused Ala to flinch, her eyes shooting open as she scampered away from the area. The other looked around before her eyes landed on the showerhead... she had been in here so long, there wasn't any hot water left. She needed to get out. Ala gave one slow inhale before she used her fingers to try and grasp hold of the tile wall, forcing herself to be pulled by her strength. Her legs were still weak, now aching from having stayed in one position for so long, but she had to push through. It didn't take long for her to reach over and turn off the showerhead.
Ala slowly climbed out of the slower, and onto the carpet. She stood there, taking in a deep inhale. She shook her head, using her wrist to wipe away any tears that continued to try and escape from her lid. She walked over towards the marble counter, grabbing her towel and gently patting herself dry as her skin was still tender. The young female got dressed, brushed her teeth, and did her hair. Once she was done with her daily routine, she stood there in the mirror, the swollen flesh around her eye had gone down some, but there was still bruising. She stared at herself,
" It's not his fault, Ala. You're fine. " She whispered a croak. Her mind had yet again won this battle. Ala closed her eyes for a moment before opening them, she forced a smile across her face, but it didn't last long before she felt the tears trying to make a reappearance. Ala sighed, turning a heel and walking towards the door. She opened it, only to be welcome by the feeling again.. that unsafe feeling. There was one last inhale before she stepped out the haven, clothing the door behind her.
It's not his fault. It never was, it never will be.