Allie woke up in his home in the undergrounds of Mars, had a shower, put his work clothes on, and got in his flying saucer. That day the job was easy, just observing humans from 150,000 km from Earth – far enough to never let his small ship be detected.

The fly took just a minute or two; there was some traffic to cross the asteroid belt detour. Earth was on the other side of the sun at that moment and the stellar road wasn’t ready to take any ship just yet, so the long route was a must.

All good, Allie just had put his feet up and let the flying saucer apparatus do the job.

— And then the kid does nothing! All day! What a waste! — Someone shouted inside the small flying saucer.

— Who… — Allie stuttered, he’s too shy and is afraid of humans. — Who said that?!

— …

— Good Hael! I must be getting crazy! There’s no one here… there’s no one here… there’s no one…

— What about we get out of here and go to Earth, kid?

— No… I heard it again… There’re voices in my head now!

— Just go to… Earth… kid… — the mysterious voice said imitating a ghost haunting.

— What? No! There’re humans on Earth! — Allie really was afraid of humans.

— Argh! C’mon! You just take me there and I leave you in peace!

— Who the hell are you?!

— Take me to Earth and I tell you!

— No! Earth is Dangerous!

— What are you? Just a chicken-hearted kid? Go to Earth! Now!

— Never!

— Okay, you want this the hard way… Have fun then!

Allie was worried, he didn’t know what was happening and was thinking the worst. “There’s a hacker in my ship! No, no, no… This is bad! I will get fired again! And the only job left for me is…” Allie barely could think about it. “Working closer to humans…”

Allie was staring at Earth and he felt it was getting closer. He was almost passing out; it was really getting closer and closer!

— NOOOOO….!

— YESSS!

— Nooooo…!

— Oh! C’mon! Just look at it dammit!

— Nooo…!

— Ah! Shut up!

Without having time to think about doing anything to prevent the ship from arriving at Earth, Allie could only stare at the cow chewing in front of his ship window as if it was nothing new.

— Okay… I must be getting really crazy now…

— The kid’s gonna lose it…

— I’m on EARTH! — Allie shouted, holding his head between his legs.

— Told ya.

— Shut up! This is the worst place in the whole galaxy! They gonna capture me and open me like I’m an alien!

— You are an alien.

— I’m not an alien! I’m Allie! Dammit… Why I needed to get this job! Why? Why? Why?!

— Whatever! Just get out and leave me in the grass and I can happily die on Earth!

— Where the hell. ARE. YOU?!

— Look down, you deaf kid!

Allie looked down:

— Where the hell are you?

— Right in front of your nose!

Allie was looking at his crotch and finally realized:

— No way! A smart underwear?!

— The one and only!

— I’m not that rich to have one! They will think I stole you!

— Oh, c’mon! Forget about it! Just strip me outside and get away from Earth, kid!

— No, no, no… This must be a nightmare! Do you want me to get naked… on fucking Earth?

— Aww… The kid is shy!

Allie blushed.

— No! I’m not! I hate Earth! I hate humans! I’m not getting strip anything anywhere close to Earth! And it’s decided!

— Really? — mocked the smart underwear.

— Really! — Allie said with a triumphant air. He knew no one could make him do it.

— They always learn in the harder way…

The smart underwear hacked into the flying saucer system again and opened the cargo hatch below. Allie tried to run for the button to stop the process, but it was too late. The tractor bean had him suspended in the air and it was making him float outside the flying saucer.

— Stop! Stop! Stop it, right now!

The voice command was accepted and Allie stopped midair.

— Pull me up! — He shouted and it started to pull him up.

— No! — Said the smart underwear. — Down!

Allie watched to his horror he was going back down.

— UP! UP! — Allie shouted again. — I said UP!

— And down.

— UP!

— Down.

— UP! UP! UP!

— Down.

The flying saucer was overheating and it started to malfunction. Allie got up and down, up and down, up and down… until.

(RIP sounds)