Insomnia is not a fun time. The one way I did try to cope with it was by staying up as long as possible until I was exhausted. Logically, that would mean I slept in a lot.   

If only that were true.

I was a night owl who was forced to wake up at the crack of dawn every stinking morning. No, it wasn’t because of classes, I always scheduled my day to start at 11AM.

Every year there would be a giant crow outside my window squawking and screaming its guts out at five in the morning. It didn't help if you closed the window, it didn't help if you put on music, not even earplugs could salvage what little sleep you could get back. Every damn morning. And I was convinced it was the same crow following me around because every year I lived in a different dorm building and every year there was a crow outside my window driving me and whoever the poor sap was that lived with me insane. Was it a vendetta? Was this thing a reincarnation of my goldfish my mother flushed down the toilet? Or was this the hermit crab my brother neglected for three months that I had to save? I had no clue, all I know is that one day my roommate and I tried to do something about it and regretted it for the rest of our natural lives.

One spring morning (although in Oneonta it's really Winter Part 2: Revenge of the Snow), we heard the familiar sound of the crow screaming outside our window. It sounded pretty close this time around, on the tree branch outside our window. So I hauled my ass out of bed and peeked through the closed blinds.

There it was. That son of a bitch. It was so close if I was a foot taller my armspan could have been long enough that thing would’ve been in striking distance. My roommate stirred and tore off her sleeping mask,

“It’s there isn't it?” she growled.

“Yup.” I groaned and rolled my eyes.

I tried banging against the window.

Nothing.

I opened the window and tried cursing it out.

Nada.

I scratched the back of my bedhead and wracked my brain for another solution. I glanced at the clock. It was five in the morning. We both had four more hours we could sleep in if we could take that thing out.

“I wish I had a bebe gun.” I rubbed my eyes.

“Coming from the girl who can’t hit the broadside of a barn!” my roommate snickered.

“Thank you for the vote of confidence.” I grumbled as a foggy idea began to emerge in my mind. “I don't have to hit it.” I said as the idea became clearer. I went to my plastic drawers rummaged through one and pulled out a small Nerf gun. The ones they tried marketing to girls because drowning them in pink and purple paint was definitely gonna draw them into the store. I bought one of the smaller guns anyway. But I’ve always hated the colors.

Anyway, she helped me open the screen a bit and I handed her the gun.

“After you.” I said slyly, “Since your aim is so impeccable.”

“I don't want to hurt it.”

“I’ve caught you on tape screaming incoherently about all of the horrors you’d like to inflict upon this fowl creature.”

“I hate you.” she pouted as she shoved it into my chest.

I grinned, stuck my hand out the window and took aim, “I love you too.”

Twas the moment of truth. There was no wind. I had a clear shot at the bastard that was still screaming its heart out. I half wondered if he thought he was serenading us. If this was his way of admiring two beautiful women. I shook my head and realized I was going weird places on four hours of sleep . I could hear the soundtrack to Indiana Jones playing in my head as I took aim. I stared at that behemoth of a crow dead in the eyes. It was waiting for me, daring me to take the shot.

I pulled the trigger. A small foam dart raced out and poked it. No reaction.

I stared at it some more before reloading and shooting it again. The crow was silent as the night. And then I saw it twitch.

“Shit! Close the screen!” I yelled as the crow suddenly lurched at us. As soon as we closed it, the crow tore through it and pecked at us. I cursed up a storm as we shut the windows on it. It kept screeching and scratching at the windows as we assessed the damage. Each of us had a few scratch marks, but nothing a bit of rubbing alcohol couldn't fix. After our misadventure neither of us could sleep, so I did the logical thing. I made coffee and played Uncharted 4. However, that wasn't the end of the crow.

The next morning, I was coming back to the dorm from my late afternoon class: screenwriting. I swear this was like something out of a movie. As I was coming towards the building I heard an unearthly sound. It sounded like birds yet it also sounded like the heralding of the end echoing across the campus. I looked at the side of the building. There filling all of the trees lining the building were crows. All massive, giant crows squawking at me. No one was going to sleep tonight, or ever.

Holy hell, that’s one terrifying omen if there ever was one, I thought to myself. Then, one of the crows caught sight of me. It glared at me and I could practically hear it saying in a Darth Vader like voice, “I have you now!”

That son of a bitch.

A whole murder of them, (very fitting name the more you think about it, although I highly suggest you don’t) descended down upon this poor schmuck. I screamed bloody...well... murder until I cleared the entrance to the building and slammed the doors on them.

“What the hell is this a Hitchcock movie?” I gasped. One of the RAs at the desk looked at me in horror,

“Are you okay? Do you know what’s going on? They’ve been out there since early this afternoon!”

“I shot their queen, king, however the their hierarchy works.” I shrugged and went up to my room. My roommate was staring outside our window,

“Have we disturbed the natural order?” She laughed awkwardly. I took out my Nerf bow and arrow from the closet.

“What are you doing?”

“Preparing the resistance.” I strung up my bow and gave their leader the evil eye. It stared back at me. All of a sudden, a gunshot ran out that scared me backwards, off my bed and on my stomach. I scrambled to the window to find one of the members of campus security had fired his gun towards the sky. The crows fled.

All but one.

“I will end you one day.” I growled pointing at it. It cawed maliciously in return.

Thus began my 5AM ritual of shooting the damn thing out of the sky with children’s toys and retrieving the arrows and bullets before it could steal them away.