“How long does the suffering last? How much longer until some light is shone upon our darkness? Endlessly praying to a god that doesn’t exist. I can’t do it any longer. Another day like this is another day in hell. First my mother, then my father, my sister…. My little girl. She was only a child, four years old. Is this my punishment? Why take her, why not me? An innocent child, that’s all she was. Do you even know what her favorite snack was, what it felt like to see her smile for the first time, what her fucking hair felt like? Do you have any damn idea?
Her begs are the only thing I hear when I try to go to sleep. I close my eyes and her bleeding body is the only thing I can see. You and that stupid monster took her away from me! Why…? Why, God? Why not end her suffering quickly? So many other people around us, just casually crushed or smashed. But no… You took my baby girl right out of her own home like she was a god damn fucking snack! That thing chewed her up like bubblegum and you left me there to watch. Helpless, hopeless, and left with nothing to live for!
What did you expect… God? Was I supposed to see this as a fucking blessing in disguise? Because it’s not! This isn’t Karma, this isn’t a challenge, this isn’t a test! This is…! This is me… Praying to a God that isn’t listening.
I believe you’re there. I don’t think there’s a way for me not to.
But you’re not my god. What kind of God lets their loyal, willing subjects get ripped about by nothing? I gave you everything! I devoted everything to you. Did our actions and our prayers mean that little to you?
How am I supposed to call you my God now? All I have left is my soul and I choose who I devote that to.
And it’s not you. No, my soul goes to him. He’s the only possible hope I have left. “