So, everything started when I was... Way too young I really didn't know what was wrong with me in that moment but in the age of seven, eight and nine I used to be a kid that wanted to believe in the idea that having friends was the MOST IMPORTANT THING but actually I wasn't really likeable at all, I used to do crazy stuff to call for attention so the people could look at me and maybe talk with me, laugh or play with me, unfortunately that didn't worked and always end up alone when the recess bell started to make loud noises, so I becamed to be troublesome kid to see if at least that kind of kids would start accepting me, the problem is that I was too weak for them and started to bully me, my mom was always working and we're always stressed but when she heard that I was getting bullied she taught me how to fight, because after all the place where I live is Latam and the teachers obviously weren't going to do something about it, so after some training I was able to beat all the bullies and thought that finally I was going to be accepted like I don't know, some kind of animal? The thing is that the got scared about me because to one kid I almost broke his arm, to other I left purple in his eye and the other I basically stabbed him with a pen in the face and left him with a scar that made him uglier, at least I wasn't getting bullied 

The thing is that after all that stuff I got tired about trying to make friends, then I had a great idea, well what a I thought it was going to be a great idea, observing the people, I thought that if I observed the people enough I was going to understand how to basically make friends, because in my tiny head I thought "Maybe I'm not good enough, so if I watch enough I'm going to be like all of them, I have to analyse them find a way, I can't be alone" I couldn't be more wrong because  when I started to watch the people and analyse them I started to discover that maybe I was going to need to select how I wanted friends because I discovered that I don't like the same stuff than them and also I didn't had the same stuff, they had phones and all that stuff but don't get confused, it's not like I was poor or something, I'm just very destructive with phones even now I'm writing with a phone that can't turn on or off because the power button stopped working since a few days but I'm going to buy a new one so you, the one who is reading can imagine that I'm "okay" but the thing is that basically I didn't had a phone that lasted the enough time to even enjoy it, so I only used to watch television, I did had friends with the time but I didn't used to feel like I was really getting involved with them because I didn't understood them, then I started to change of school and from school and to other schools but I kept only observing, I didn't learned how to make friends I learned that I didn't understood them, so I started to create a "Bubble" around me because I thought that maybe I wasn't for this that I weren't somebody even, so I started to be a lonely person

The thing is that something fun happened and is that by the time I was feeling that way I got a step father that tried to kill me and my mom but that's jumping so I'll explain, the thing is that my mom actually didn't love him she was poisoned somehow for something that she gave to her and made us pass for a true hell, sometimes I even had allucinations and everything in two or one year, I started to see his evilness and hate him, so I destroyed his phones, his stuff and tried to kill him like four times, the first time with rat poison, the second I tried to push him to a road, third time the same thing and fourth he was sleeping in the floor and his head was in the place where the door closes so I grab it and with all my strength I hit him with the door but he didn't died and I told him that it was the wind that made him that, somehow he believed me (I guess), Why do I hate this guy so much? He made me study in vacations, he gave me food shit or sometimes he didn't even gave me food, stole money from the house and made me buy him beer although he once hitters me (My mom didn't like all that stuff but she didn't know until I told her) the thing is that I started to hate people because I though that maybe everyone was the same but many people when I was in such a fucked up situacion... Was nice to me, so I was confused I decided to try to study what was good and what weren't, my mom told me a lot of that stuff but her point is that everyone is useful but my father and stepfather? What with them? My mom left my father because he cheated on her when I had three month of existence and my stepfather was an absolute abusive dad like in movies and series, so my perception was really weird because with my kid eyes I tried to believe what my mom said but it was hard until she told what was my father doing with the money he was supposed to give me, a discotec, I was raging at that point and finally understood that maybe everyone is a shit so after my mom finally leaved with me my step father I decided to do my last attempt to make friends and it didn't worked, I only got one friend and it was from the internet (He still being my friend but I'm not interested to make more) I felt happy with that but I decided to stop trying to make friends and maybe spend more of my time in myself, in what I like, things as drawing, painting, playing, writing, listening music, sleeping, being on discord and only on discord but with the time I started to get bored with all that stuff and left all that away, I was feeling really bad and dismotivated because at my point my life was really perfect but then I discovered that never in my life I tried to really express myself, I never tried to say what I thought what I had on mind or try to make an opinion because at the age I discovered that I felt enraged because I didn't had an opportunity to realize who I was or even who are this people that lives in the same planet than me, all I was doing was just trying to agree with people that after the first day I met them and even get their numbers they weren't going to talk me because I tried to be a mimic or even someone like you can mold, I started to think more on myself, my mistakes and stuff I did to change and felt like the absolute representation of a clown

I started to raise my ego and work on my self-esteem and observe even more the people and make my own conclusions investigate, see if I was right and I weren't make even more conclusions with the information I got and try to generalizate it, started to study in secret some stuff about human mind and with all this information I started to use it for my own benefit and to answer older people than me but never actually trying to make friends, why? Now with all this wisdom I feel like everyone is a fool 

So hello everyone I wish to be called Dreyturr Dronterer or Drey and this is my own philosophy, thoughts and some memories, you have all the freedom to make your own opinion after all we have a brain, if you don't want to read any further than all what I said it's okay, after all this is like a book to talk about me like I were in a vlog but I hate a lot the topic about filming myself

So, be nice or don't be nice with me