Here I am on all fours disguised with myself. As a beta you think one should be prideful, strong will, the one people look up to. But I am neither, just a smash to the one person that's meant to be somewhat of a brother.

He damaged me to the point I am weak around him. My dad wouldn't be proud. I'm a disgrace. Ending myself wouldn't be so bad, right?

"You are not weak nor a disgrace. Everything will be over soon. Our mate will erase these memories" Dom my wolf whispered to distract me from our current situation. 

"Our mate will rejected us as soon as they find out how tainted we are" I knew I shouldn't have said that but it was true. Nobody wants a beta mate that's damaged, omega maybe but betas was out of the question.

"You have to believe we will be okay. I promise."

I didn't deserve Dom, he was to good to be attached to a weak human like me. I only hope in his next life the moon goddess bless him with a better human with a better life.

"She already blessed me with a better human and I'm grateful for you Jake" he said as a single tear slowly ran down my left eye. I can't have him see me cry. I wiped it away as fast as it fell.

I grew use to the pain, so when I heard that final grunt I knew it would be over soon. Now I just have to focus on marking it out the window of the fifth floor of the pack house in less pain. At least I drove my car tonight so I didn't have to walk.

"Ahhh!" he moan. "I knew you was good at something" he spat making me feel used. "Make sure you're quite going down last time you almost got caught, and don't be late for the marking I don't have time explaining things to my father. Now I gotta wash your nasty scent off me." And with that last statement he left me there, half naked with his cum running down my legs. "Yes Sir" it barely came out above a whisper.

How pathetic. I felt disgusted once again only this time at myself.

Once I parked outside my house, I thank the moon goddess that my room was in the basement, where I could walk to the side door without anyone smelling him on me. His smell makes me sick. Before mom died she helped me decorate the basement into my personal man cave/ room. It took almost a year for her to agree to let me and my twin Jim have separate rooms. We was growing and needed space but let her tell it we was her thing one and thing two. 

Man I miss that women. "I miss her too" I could feel Dom sadness when he spoke of her. 

Once inside I headed straight to my bathroom. It was somewhat of a ritual now. Fill the tub with hot blazing water, add bleach, then scrub the filth off until my skin bleed. Then top it off with a cold shower. It bring peace to my body at least.

As I lay down, I think about something to keep my mind my torture. I think about my mate. Would they accept me? Would I be strong enough to protect them? Or would I be to damaged for their likening? I hope the moon goddess bless me with a female because I don't think I can't handle any male touching me. He did that.

"Whatever gender they are, they will love us. Watch and see. Now sleep we have a lot of planning to do tomorrow". With a loud sigh I told Dom goodnight. And hope that what he said was true. Hope that this torture will end soon. My birthday was three weeks away. 

I can make it till then. Will I'll try.