Once upon a time, there was a girl that lived in a small house. She had two sisters, one younger, one older. Her brother was in college and was staying in the living room for a visit. Her mother and father worked during the day, but nevertheless they were always home for supper. The girl was solitary and dismissive. Her family stopped paying any mind to her years ago when she professed she would never love them. This is not to say she hated all of them, she merely did not enjoy any of them. Her younger sister in particular she did actually hate. The sister always stole her weathered stuffed animals and taunted her for her looks. She once said to her annoying younger sister, “I could snap your neck right now and I would still be better than you.” The little girl ran away crying, and the older girl felt content.
One day, the girl needed to go to the bathroom, as anyone would. She shut and locked the door behind her as she entered, then after the click of the lock she heard a strange rustling. She knew she could never relieve herself if anyone was to hide in the same room. A bit peeved, she stomped to the shower curtain that kept the interior of the bathtub hidden. This bathtub was rather large, taking up a third of the room, which signaled to her that anyone could be lurking behind the curtain. She drew it back in a flash, grimace already pasted on her face. Inside the thermoformed acrylic, porcelain enameled steel, fiberglass-reinforced polyester, porcelain enameled cast iron tub, was a large and lumpy looking beast. The creature was brownish green, with a long mouth that was filled with rows of small teeth that were blackened at the gums. It had a mighty tail and an even mightier belly. It faced it’s great head towards the girl and her grimace, the animal speaking in a hissing low voice. Before it could really get any words out, the girl interrupted.
“Get out,” she said angrily.
The beast looked confused. “I am here to cause you pain and woe,” it retorted.
“Why are you in my bathtub alligator?”
It’s confusion deepened. “I am a crocodile, here to cause your life misery.”
“Well,” said the girl, “May I relieve myself before you do so?”
The crocodile shut its mouth in thought, then replied in a moment, “I suppose.”
The girl did her business, then left the villain to its own devices there in the bathtub. Her day went by as normal. She heard nothing about the crocodile in the bathtub from her family that night at the dinner table, so she wrote it off as some sort of psychological plea for social interaction. She figured maybe she needed a friend sometime, though not soon.
The next day, the girl needed to go to the bathroom again, as anyone would. As she entered, the same rustling sounded. She pulled back the curtain once again, the crocodile smiling evilly at her. The girl stood with her hands defiantly on her hips, waiting for it to speak. When it didn’t, for lack of how to bring things up, she huffed.
“What is it?”
The animal spoke in a strong tone. “I have caused you sorrow on this day.”
“How so?”
“I ate your sister,” it answered triumphantly. “I took her soft young flesh in my teeth and snapped her bones. Her blood spewed on the tiles and I licked them clean. She is gone and will never come back.”
The girl smiled to herself a bit, then shrugged. “I hated her anyway.”
The crocodile tilted its head. “What?”
“I hated her, I’m glad you ate her. Now may I get back to my business?”
The beast stuttered, “I… I suppose.”
The next day, the girl went back to the bathroom a third time, as anyone would. She did not pause when she locked the door; she headed straight for the bathtub. In an instant, the creature spoke.
“Ah! This time you will surely weep!”
“Try me,” she said.
“I ate your other sister. Her skin ripped and split and she screamed ever so sweetly,” it cooed at her.
“I never really had any contact with her. She was as insignificant as a dusty fly.”
The crocodile huffed, annoyed.
“Now leave me be,” she ordered, and with that the animal left her alone.
On the fourth day, she called to the crocodile before she opened the curtain. “What have you done this time?”
“I ate your older brother!” it announced. “He was tough and I tore at him thoroughly till his muscles and veins popped.”
“I hoped he would go away soon,” she said. “I wanted the TV back. Now leave.”
The miffed crocodile roared in rage at the girl, but she shut the curtain on him.
On the fifth and final day, the girl did not bother to lock the door. She practically ripped the curtain from its rungs and waited for the creature to deliver its message.
It began to chuckle and cackle in a most gruesome way, which made the girl raise an eyebrow. “Spit it out,” she said.
“Your beloved caretakers and delicious parents have passed into my jaws, young girl. They both went down so smoothly with their aging bones cracking all the way down my throat.”
“Ah,” said the girl. “Good riddance. I always wanted to be alone here and now you have granted me my wish.”
In awe and anguish, the crocodile growled and hissed at her. “What must I do?” it screamed. “What must I do to cause you pain?”
The girl only shrugged.
In a moment, it had an idea. “Then,” it whispered, “I shall kill you.”
She shrugged again and said, “I’ve been meaning to die for awhile.”
It screamed again, louder and louder until the girl screamed back.
“Shut up!” she yelled. “Or I shall kill you!”
The creature paused, considering the circumstances. “Well, I suppose that is an option, though not one I would prefer.”
In the time it took the crocodile to say this, the girl had rustled in the drawers of the bathroom for something. She had found a large pair of scissors that she hid behind her back as she approached.
“Goodbye you silly alligator,” she said, stabbing the animal in the head straight through to the chin.
The crocodile was dead, and the girl left it in the bathtub as she relieved herself, then strode to the living room to watch TV.
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