The thoughts wouldn't stop today. They wouldn't stop no matter how much I attempted to mentally block them or push them down. No matter how many times I sliced the razor against my skin while resting against my tub on the cold floor of my bathroom. So painful. So much torment. Stop it all.
I let out a deep cry from the pit of my stomach as the razor slipped from my hand and onto the floor with a clank. I bit on the inside of my cheek until I drew blood before forcing my legs to move again. Step after step, they lead me to my cupboard. My hands automatically reached for the rope that was hiding behind my clothes. Shutting the doors behind me, I made my way to my desk chair, grabbed and dragged it to the centre of the room just above my ceiling fan.
Rising onto the chair, my hands worked on their own to fasten the rope around the fan. I tugged it for the second time to endure that it was secure. My head should have been in the loop already, but it hovered just above. Thoughts of Mom and Raina suddenly washed over me. First at their smiling faces from bickering with each other while out window shopping. Then of their crying faces when they would come home to find my lifeless body. It was enough to send jolts of pain through my heart and only made this decision even harder.
Still. This is goodbye.
And without the hesitation that lingered mere moments ago, the rope was slowly placed around my neck, and the chair was kicked from underneath my feet. All that remained was the sound of struggling breath as the rope tightened.
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