So there I was, sleeping peacefully on my sidewalk square when a rather large nuclear explosion went off in the distance. It had awoken me from my beauty sleep and I was so annoyed that I started scolding the explosion. I was pretty harsh and threw out a number inappropriate words. It went crying home to its mother.  I felt a bit guilty afterward.  I thought that maybe i was too hard on the explosion.  so i send a letter of apology.  it went like this " Dear Nuclear Explosion, I am sorry that I yelled at you.  I only wanted you to understand that it is not polite to make a ruckus when people are sleeping, also killing thousands of people is another a negative. try not to do that either.  Sincerely, Garbage Bin"

Anyway it was CHRISTMAS morning so family's were partaking in CHRISTMAS breakfast and CHRISTMAS morning routine. this consisted of CHRISTMAS showers, CHRISTMAS brushing of the teeth, and CHRISTMAS not changing out of pajamas. 

I rolled around the neighborhood and peered into the windows of a few homes. The first house I looked at was my my next door neighbor's. It had no CHRISTMAS decorations. When I went up to the window to take a peek at what they were doing I saw that their  curtains were closed. The curtains weren't closed all the way though, there was a small area in which i could peek through. I saw five hooded figures that varied in height standing around a pentagram that was illuminated by candles. There was a lamb bound at its legs squirming in the middle of the pentagram. I could here faint chanting through the window. One of the taller hooded figures stepped towards the lamb and pulled out a weird looking knife or dagger. "Must be some new hip CHRISTMAS ritual." I thought.  I finally decided to leave because the neighborhood carolers were approaching the house.

Second house was also pretty strange. The family looked normal enough but then they got weird. Every single member of the family got socks. just socks. there were tons of presents under the tree but they were all socks. The weirdest part was the family was overjoyed, and that is not an exaggeration. When they opened the presents and saw socks they screamed like someone would scream if their parents bought them an expensive new car. Now there was one present that was different from all the rest. the difference was that it was just a stack of paper. The person who got this gift totally flipped. I could hear him clearly through the wall. He was screaming about it not being socks, he then went on to describe in unnecessary detail how good it feels to get socks and how he would kill the person who gave him this stack of paper. I rolled away from that house and took with me the burden of knowing that I live in the same neighborhood as a family that gets all of their joy from receiving socks.

Third house was filled with cats and dogs. I guess their owners just left them in the house. They weren't fighting but i could tell, there was an intense tension between them. I'm guessing that they made a truce but we all know that truces and treaties don't always work. The territory of the animals seemed to divide the house. the cats had one side while the dogs had the other. It seemed that if neither animals got into each others territory then all would be well, but both the dogs and cats were getting dangerously close to the border. both sides were pacing back and forth, the cats hissed and the dogs snarled. Both sides suddenly stopped and looked each other straight in the eye. Then, everything went to hell. it was so bloody and graphic that I spit up some garbage from my chute. The entire inside of the house was bathed in crimson and i didn't want to stick around to find out who'd won.

I slowly rolled back to by concrete square, trying to keep my mind off of all the horrible stuff I saw. then, I remembered something. At the end of the day I finally get my Christmas present; bags and bags of sweet, sweet discarded wrapping paper. I went to sleep with Christmas brand limited edition joyTM in my nonexistent heart.