Through the stars, ships, asteroids, the fires started by the lost International Pyromaniacs Association, the giant cat of North Orion and everything in between, is the planet Arcturia. And on that planet, the Arcturian Shadows of Country CVII. Masters of staying hidden and surveillance at an interplanetary scale. From that planet is me.

Maybe I should find that special. I don’t. The humans here would. But anything would entertain them. I should tell them right now. Stop this stupid act and kill all sense of reality with the fact aliens exist. Creeping, watching ones from a godless cloning machine.  But they wouldn’t believe me. They would look at me with concern. Or most likely annoyance. But then I would fly. And then- What am I even doing?

I hear daydreaming is bad for mental health. But it can’t be that bad. I mean, what else is there to do for fun? TV is feeling like a chore at this point. Well, it should sort of feel like a chore as it’s actually my job. Getting paid for by the taxpayers back home. All my childhood, spent training and then packed away when I was 13 to a large planet millions of miles away. I should be so grateful. 

But I actually am. Very grateful. I’ve been able to go on a journey. It’s an experience I am fortunate to have. An Arcturian Observer. And that’s what I should be doing. Observing. 

And look there’s Grey Shirt Man From Across the Street. Wears a grey t-shirt most times. Most likely, he will wear a t-shirt tomorrow and the day after that. Once, a white shirt with a burgundy tie was worn. Instead of coming out of the train station, he came out the back of a cab. He took a deep sigh then went into his house. Before that day, he had never worn a watch. From that day, he would wear one on the left arm around 10 percent of the time. Instead of coming out of the train station nearby, he came from a cab that day. That was a particularly interesting day. Today, he is wearing a navy t-shirt.

Now here’s Man with Leather Jacket. He is wearing the usual leather jacket. Around two months ago, he stopped coming from the left and now comes from the road on the right. I suspect a new job. He used to walk with Maria who he would complain to a lot about the job he had. He was stuck. But has now escaped. Of course, everything and everywhere on Earth is the same. His new job will yield the same results. A boss who doesn’t remember to email the details and a co-worker who talks too much. 

I think I would be a great complainer if I ever got the chance to talk to a human.

In 100 steps is my flat. 50. 10. 4. There. Roughly. Give or take 0.5. There’s Liam and mum, Sandra. And Grandma. Yes, that is grandma. It’s been some time. I don’t know if she has met Liam before. There’s an overly-polite awkwardness. Her heartbeat sounds much slower. Should she be told? That’s probably age so should be alright. Liam wears a tie these days. And a solemn look. That’s to be expected with a job.

For me, my job-the other job is fine. I saw some names on the documents. New ones. The numbers seem weird. But I’ve thought that since the nineties. I should make a new work badge. If I’m bothered to. Alarms tend not to notice me. I wish automatic doors would stop being so difficult. But being unnoticeable is literally in my genes so what can you do?

Too much walking and talking. Been to all these places. Quiz show? Maybe. A documentary that just seems to be about other documentaries. Movie? Should I? It still counts as observation of human culture. Doesn’t it?                           Sure.

Earth’s pretty fun. They have adverts with a talking dog. And a talking monkey. That’s pretty nice.

Can’t sleep. 

Why? Am I having an existential crisis? I love being an Observer. Maybe it’s the other job. Archiving and storage is fun, right?  It is. Just not glamorous sounding. 

Let’s solve this. Get down to the basics. Who am I? Umlaut. Named by council member 12. He was fond of everything Earth-related. He picked up words here and there from the Inter-galactic Television. One kid was named ‘Cheers’. Everybody knew him. I wonder where he’s observing. I’m getting distracted. I am Umlaut. Or I’m Matt Seth. The human. Wink. Why did I just think the word ‘wink’? Am I okay?

Anyway, where am I from? Country CVII of Planet Arcturia. Matt Seth is from London. Or Rio de Janeiro. And there was Benguela. It depends on where I observe. I have a lot of id’s. Remember, get new work id tomorrow.

Next. What is my purpose? To observe. Same mission for around 70 years and will be the same for around another 320 years. I was made for adapting and blending in. 

Simple. Crisis averted. I am fairly certain of who I am. Everything will be as it is.