“If you could live anywhere – Anywhere – where would you live?
“Hmm… The inside of a star. Beautiful, warm, and far, far, away from here. What about you?”
“I don’t know whatever star is closest to yours I guess.”
-
Tooru Oikawa’s favorite food is milk bread. His personal motto is, ‘If you're gonna hit it, hit it till it breaks.” His best friend is Hajime Iwaizumi, and this is how it all started.
Tooru doesn’t remember a life without Hajime. They were born in the same hospital, on the same day, merely hours apart. (Tooru was older, and he loved to remind Hajime about it). Even before that their mothers were friends. So they moved into the same city, and their children played together.
They were enrolled in the same elementary school, and ended up in the same class. On the first day, Hajime wouldn’t let go of his mothers leg until Tooru pulled him off, calling him a weenie. They were inseparable. As they got older they would bicker, but it was playful and they both knew it.
In the fifth grade they joined the volleyball team.
“Just think about it, Iwa-Chan! Imagine if we could play in the olympics like the national team!” Tooru would say.
And Hajime wouldn’t admit that he thought it was pretty cool too, so instead he smirked, “Fine, I’ll try out for volleyball, but only to make sure you don’t serve the ball at someone's head.”
They went to Kitagawa First Junior High School the next year, and volleyball had already become their passion. And they were good at it, and still close as ever, though they had their arguments. Tooru usually pushed himself a little too far, and Hajime was constantly worried.
In their second year of Junior High, Tooru injured his knee and couldn’t play in the spring tournament, and it hit him hard. He would still attend every practice, and every game, and strategize and play from the sidelines. He would watch every little thing. But afterwards, he would go home and lay on his rock.
Tooru always came to the same place in his episodes of self hatred. There was a large rock, just at the edge of his property line just big enough for two people to lay on. He would go there and lie on his back staring at the stars. Wishing that he could see everything up there. Wishing he could travel from star to star, galaxy to galaxy, find new intelligent life, or old intelligent life. No one would guess, Tooru Oikawa, the epitome of arrogance, was just as insecure as everyone else was. No one except Hajime.
Tooru would go to his rock to be alone, but Hajime didn’t count. Hajime was so close a part of him that even when Tooru wanted to be alone, he wanted to be with Hajime. So, one night after a particularly difficult game, and a near loss, when Hajime went and laid on the rock next to tooru, he didn’t move. He just continued to stare at the stars, ignoring the tears streaming down his face, as he thought of the infinity before him.
They laid in silence for what felt like hours, before Hajime spoke. “If you could live anywhere –Anywhere– where would you live?”
Tooru didn’t respond for a moment, he just stared up at the sky, before finally, finally, humming his response, “The inside of a star. Beautiful, warm, and far, far away from here. What about you?”
Hajime wasn’t looking at the sky as he laid next to his best friend. He was looking at tooru. He was taking in every detail. His porcelain skin, his tousled hair, the glisten of the tears wetting his cheeks. He looked at his eyes, focused so far away, and though he was sad now, tooru’s eyes still held life. He was still there. Hajime’s eyes shifted to tooru’s lips, thin, and pink, and swollen to hell from tooru’s nervous biting.
He didn’t know how long it had been until he responded. “Whatever star is closest to yours, i guess.”
And that was when toorus eyes finally broke from the sky. That’s when those beautiful brown eyes finally focused on what was right in front of him. And they don’t leave the sight for a long time.
-
Tooru heals from his injury, both mentally and physically and by the time he gets to high school, he’s one of the best setters in the prefecture, and Hajime is his right hand. (or, left wing, i guess). They work hard, towards their goal of nationals, towards college, hell, towards passing high school. But though they both realized the same thing that night on the rock, neither has said a word. Neither tooru nor Hajime spoke about how things changed.
Hajime never said anything about how he learned so much about himself that night. Hajime never said anything about the feelings he harbors. Hajime never said anything about the anger he feels towards tooru’s rapidly growing fanclub.
And in return Tooru never says anything about the secret resentment he holds towards himself for thinking about inflicting himself on Hajime. Tooru never says anything about how his heart breaks every time he sees Hajime staring at the girls that fawn over him. Tooru says nothing about how much he loves Hajime. And Hajime never says anything either.
Until their senior year
-
They’re laying on their rock the night they get home from their last game in high school. And just like that night in middle school, tooru’s eyes focus on the stars, while Hajime’s focus on tooru.
Only this time they both have tears streaming down their faces. Only this time Hajime says something. “Do you remember the first time we laid here after a game?”
Tooru sucks in a breath. “Of course.” How could he forget the night everything changed?
Hajime studies tooru’s face for a moment, examining the slight widening of his eyes, and the red on his cheeks. Watching tooru catch his bottom lip between his teeth in that same worrying habit as always. “I could never forget it. I remember it as the day I fell in love with you, even if I didn't know it then.”
Tooru’s eyes darted to Hajime’s and stayed there. His mouth opened and closed searching for the right words. Hajime spoke before he could find them.
“I remember walking over here the second I got out of the shower after that game, because I knew that you were going to beat yourself up over it, even if you weren’t playing. Hell, you probably beat yourself up for not being able to play. I came right to this rock, because i knew this is where you’d be and I knew you wouldn’t be okay, but when i saw you i couldn’t help but stand there in shock. When i got there you were sobbing hysterically, and i knew you wouldn’t want me to be around for that. So I waited until you calmed down, watching the stars. No doubt thinking about the possibility of intelligent life out there to take your mind off the game. Then i laid down next to you and while you watched the stars i was watching you.
“I couldn’t help but think about how beautiful you were, even when you were hurting so badly inside. That’s when i finally spoke. Do you remember what I asked?”
Tooru was looking at Hajime in amazement. “You asked where I would live if I could pick anywhere I wanted. Do you remember what i said?”
Hajime smiled sadly, “You said you’d live in a star. Beautiful, warm, and far, far away from here. At that moment exactly, I realized that I'd follow you anywhere, Tooru. Even to the stars.”
Tooru only had one thought left in his mind.
“I love you too.”
And so that was what he said before pressing his lips to Hajimes. And they stayed like that for a long while, kissing softly under the stars, right where it all began.
And in that small moment where their lips parted to breathe, Tooru whispered, “I always have.”
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