You would think after almost a year I would be able to accept the fact that I will most likely never see Leonardo again. My therapist tells me it is not my fault he disappeared, but I cannot help and feel like it is. If it wasn’t for me and my big mouth maybe he would have never left my house that night.  I blink to clear my head of all my thoughts. These days I seem to be thinking more than talking. Mom keeps trying to get me to talk to her and confide in her. She is a psychologist so she thinks she can help, but the last thing I want to do is discuss Lorenzo with my mother. I’ve learned to just smile and nod when she asks me if therapy is helping. It’s not helping.

“Honey, what are you thinking about?” My mother asks with her signature therapist smile. Two can play at the fake game.

“Oh nothing mother, just thinking about my studies.” Another fake smile found its way onto my face as I grab my mother’s hand. I know she is trying to help me. I mean it’s her job to help people with their problems, but I don’t want to feel like she’s just doing her job. I want to be better for her I really do it’s just hard. I’ve always had to be the strong one ever since dad left, but Leo was always my rock. Without him, I feel lost.

“Well if you’re fine will you grab some groceries? Mark is coming over tonight for dinner, but I need to get the house clean before he comes over.” Mark is mother’s boyfriend. He is nice, but there is something off about him. He is too nice; I don’t trust the guy. Even though I don’t like him I still want to help mother out the most I can. Consider it an apology for being such a basket case.

“Yeah, sure I don’t mind getting the groceries.” Her face melts into relief when I answer, and she pulls me into a tight hug.

“You’re the best sweetheart.” I rest my chin on the top of her head. I love my mother a lot, she has done more for me than dad ever did. She releases me from the hug and hands me my keys and the grocery list. I stare at my keys for a second. A small opal extending from my keychain sends a pang through my heart.

“I saw this and thought of you. “Leo said with an affectionate smile. He brushed his hair from his eyes as he handed me a little keychain with an opal on it. “I know it was your dad’s birthstone and it means a lot to you. I hope you like it.” He was always too damn sweet. I smiled back brightly at him and took the little stone into my hand.

“Thanks, Leo. I’ll put my new keys on it.” My brain told me to just say it. To say what I’d been wanting to say for two years, but I didn’t.

My mother looks over at the stone in my hand and grimaces. She doesn’t have to say anything I know she is disappointed that I can’t just let go. Suddenly I feel like I am suffocating, I have to get out of this house. Quickly I rush out the front door and into my car. I sit in the seat staring out the window in a haze.  I’ve always been a little messed up, with my dad dying and all, but Leo disappearing only makes my issues worse. Sometimes I feel so empty inside I want to do something reckless; something crazy so I can feel something again. I numbly drive myself to the grocery store not paying much attention to the road. Sometimes I hope I can get into a wreck, so I won’t have to feel like this anymore. I sigh and rest my head against the steering wheel for a brief moment before opening my car door.

I see a familiar face staring at me from across the parking lot. He is tall, taller than I am which is hard to be. His hair is a dark black color, and his skin is olive. The most damning evidence to his identity is a small scar over the bridge of his nose. There is only one person I know with that scar and it is Leonardo Ricci. I scramble out of my car as quickly as I can and take off running towards him. My legs wobble and threaten to give out from under me, but I don’t care because it is him. “Leo! Oh my God! Is it really you?” I yell once I reach him. Tears start to pool up in my eyes and threaten to spill. I reach my hand out to touch him, but I can’t. His eyes widen and his mouth moves like he is screaming but I can’t hear him. He is slowly fading from my view until I only see an empty parking lot. My knees buckle out from under me as I fall to the parking lot ground. Heavy sobs wrack my body as I grieve for what could have been. I saw him right in front of my eyes. It was him... or was it?

A sudden realization that I really am losing my goddamn mind hit me. I mean what am I doing? I’m standing in the middle of a parking lot crying over my best friend. I need to pick myself up off the ground and continue like normal. As I pick myself up off the ground, I think about how hard it had become recently. In my heart, I feel like Leo is still alive, but my brain knows that isn’t the truth. It has been almost a year, there is no way Leo is coming home. I walk through the aisles of the grocery store in a haze. I see everything and I am aware of what I am doing, but it is like I am not truly in my own body. I am aware however when I feel a hand wrap around my bicep. “Hey, Elias. How are you doing?” I turn around to see a small girl with dark black curly hair behind me. It is Maya Diaz, Leo’s other best friend. We have met once or twice, but I only really know of her.

“I know what you’re trying to do, and I’m not interested.” I respond coldly. I have no interest in discussing Leo with her. Call me rude but I don’t like making small talk with people. I’ve never had any interest in making friends. I’ve never had any trouble as for whatever reason people are drawn to me. Most people realize quickly I’m cold and distant and normally only stay for money and popularity. My reputation is that I’m a cold-hearted asshole, and to be frank that’s the total truth. Maya rolls her eyes at my rude comment and crosses her arms.

“Listen here asshat, I know for whatever reason you have something against being a nice human being, but I need to ask you something.” She cocks a hip out and raises her eyebrow at me. I have to give it to her, the girl has one hell of an attitude. “Okay fine what is it?” I have no real interest in whatever it is she is going to ask, but I decide it is worth it to hear the girl out. “Do you know what happened to Leo’s phone?” She doesn’t beat around the bush but gets straight to the point.

“I don’t have it. Actually, I’m not even sure what happened to it. Why?” It is a strange question to ask, but it gets me thinking about what happened to his phone.

“I want to know what happened that night. It’s been keeping me up for almost a year, and I.. I just can’t help but feel like he’s still out there. You know? Someone doesn’t just disappear like that without a trace.” Her face twists into confusion, and her eyes drift away from my face. My heart skips a beat as I realize she said she feels like he is still out there. I want to find him more than anything and knowing that someone else feels the same as me is oddly comforting. “Maybe I’m overstepping… but what happened the night he disappeared? From what I’ve heard you were the last person he saw before he disappeared.” My heart sinks at her words as I start to recall the night.

We were sitting on the couch in my room like we normally did when he spent the night. He would play his video games on my tv and I would read a book. It didn’t require talking we just sat and enjoyed the other’s presence. That night he was over because his mom’s boyfriend and he had a fight again. They were always fighting about something there was nothing new to that.

“El pay attention to me.” Leo pouted as he paused his game and poked me in the arm. I looked over at him and brushed the dark brown hair out of my eyes. His dark hazel eyes had an ornery look in them as he set down the game controller and leaned towards me. I crossed my arms and set down my book before running a hand through my hair.

“Fine. How’s Kourtney?” I felt a pang in my heart as I asked about her, but I knew asking about her would make me a better friend. He let out a soft chuckle and shook his head.

“Well.. I think she and Maya might be a thing. I had my suspicions at first, y’know the way anytime Maya entered a room Kourt looked at her like she was the only person in the room. She’s never looked at me like that before, but to be fair I’ve never looked at her like that either. I think we’re just both trying to get something out of this relationship. She wanted to use me as a beard of sorts I guess, and I wanted to use her as a distraction. I think I’m going to break up with her Monday, well not formally. We can date in public, but in private she’s free to be with Maya.” He said all of this with a happy smile and bright eyes. I’ll never understand how he kind he was. In that moment all I could focus on was him I felt my heart swell and I glanced down towards-

I am shaken back to the present by Maya pulling my arm. “Hellooo? Anyone home?” Her face shows concern and it seems genuine enough. Still, I just can’t bring myself to trust her.

“Right.. uh sorry about that. You just brought up some not very fond memories.”

“Do you remember what happened that night.. What was the last thing he ever said to you?.. Just wondering.” My heart drops to my feet when she asks that question. I remember exactly what he said to me right before he walked out my front door and I never saw him again.

“I don’t remember what he said I’m sorry.” I avoid looking into her eyes knowing that if I do she will see right through me.

“Bullshit. I know you’re lying to me. Look Elias I know we haven’t always gotten along, but Leo was my best friend too. I know you’ve known him longer, and I know that you will always be closer to him. I just… I need to know what he said. I need to know what my best friend’s last words were.” Her eyes start glassing over, and I can tell she is moments away from breaking down in the middle of the grocery store. Quietly under her breath, she adds, “Not that I actually think he’s dead but…”

“I’m leaving, I’m sorry I just need to clear my head for a moment,” I say suddenly. She gives me a confused look but regardless nods slowly.

“Okay.. uh yeah sure. I’m sorry for pushing you.” She twists her fingers together clearly uncomfortable. I chuckle awkwardly a little and rub the back of my neck.

“That’s the last thing Leo said to me. Right before he slammed the door to my bedroom and was not seen again.” I avoid looking at her feeling my guard slip a bit. She seems like a good person and a good person to be around but.. I still can’t bring myself to like her.

“Oh. Oh, shit what happened between you guys?” It is at that moment I realize Maya is not going to stop asking questions. I am tired and I just want to go home so I suggest a not so great option.

I sigh and rub my temples before responding, “I would rather not discuss this matter standing in the middle of a grocery store, so can we continue this conversation at my home.”

“Uh... Yeah sure. As long as you don’t murder me or some shit like that.” She lets out a soft laugh and shakes her head slightly.

Twenty minutes or so later we are sitting in my FJ heading to my house. We fall into a conversation revolving around the past. It is comforting reflecting on the past with someone about Leo. Someone who understands what kind of pain I am going through. We pull up in front of my house in all of its painstakingly boring glory. It is a large white modern home, nothing fancy about it. It looks like a home that every rich person would live in except maybe a little smaller. I turn to Maya with a deadpan expression and huff. “Well, this is my home. If my mother or the man with her try to ask you questions just ignore them, please.”

She gives me a sympathetic look and frowns. “I guess they don’t know.. huh?” A shiver runs down my spine as the thought briefly crosses my mind that she knows. I ignore her and open the door to my car stepping out. I gather the groceries in my arms and nod towards the front door to signal Maya to open it for me. She rolls her eyes at me, but it opens it anyways.

“I’m back with the groceries Mother.” I say in my normal cold voice. I walk into the kitchen to see her sitting at the island with Mark next to her. I give them both a cold nod as I set the bags on the counter and turn to go to my room. A voice speaking up from behind me stops me from leaving.

“Who was that girl with you?” My mother asks with a smile as she elbowed Mark “secretly”.

“Just a friend. I wouldn’t get any ideas about it Mother.” My mother rolls her eyes at my slight attitude and Mark raises an eyebrow at me.

“Do not speak to your mother in that manner young man.” He says in a stern voice. I feel anger flare up inside of me at his words. He’s only been dating Mother for a year, but he’s already trying to be my dad.

“With all due respect Mark, you are not my father so kindly stop acting like it.” I snap and spin on my heel to escape the kitchen. I walk briskly out of the kitchen and rush my way up into my room.

Maya is sitting on the edge of my bed patiently waiting when I walk into my bedroom. My bedroom is quite large with room for a queen-sized bed and a pullout couch. I sit next to her on my bed and put my head into my hands. My head runs through every plausible reason I can possibly have for inviting Maya back to my house, but I am struggling to find one.

Suddenly Maya’s voice startles me out of my thoughts. “Did he leave your house with his phone?” I look over towards her to see her thumb in her mouth as she anxiously chews on her nail.

“I don’t really remember to be honest. It was all kind of a blur, one moment we were- actually, never mind. Long story short we had a small argument and he stormed out of my room. Honestly, he probably didn’t have time to grab his phone... if it were to be anywhere it would probably be under my couch. I guess… I could go look for you?” I don’t know why I am offering to help look for that phone, I don’t know what is possessing me to do it. I just feel like I have to help her find answers for some reason. I slowly get up and kneel in front of the couch, running my hands through the couch trying to find his phone. It slowly dawns on me that his phone is probably under the couch if anything. I drop down to my hands and knees and stretch my arm out underneath the couch groping the air for his phone. Finally, I grab a smooth, cold device and yell out, “Hey Maya I finally found it.” I pull my arm out from under the couch and go to sit up, but something hits me in the head. “Ow shit Maya what the hell was that for…” My voice trails as I see Maya behind the couch staring at the couch with wide eyes. I look to where Maya was looking, and my heart stops. Right in front of me is Leo. In all his Italian Spanish glory, with his dark black tousled curly hair, and his dark hazel eyes. He is sitting with his arms crossed and his legs crossed giving me his signature look. Oddly enough though he wasn’t totally solid, he was slightly see-through.