"Go deeper," He whines as he wraps his arms around my neck pulling me flush against him so there is no space between us.
My fingers glide up the back of his neck and into his bushy velvety curls. I fist them gently and tug his head back to look at his pretty face. His eyes are fuzzy with tears. I watch as one breaks away from his long eyelashes and slowly slides down his face.
How can he be this beautiful?
I comply with no hesitation and push myself deeper inside him. He whimpers softly in a way that always drives me crazy.
Man, he makes every part of me ache as I watch him this way. His beautiful doe-like hazel eyes are glossy with lust. My observance pauses at the freckles that liter his face and cheeks. The toffee skin beneath flushed red with a light dew of sweat as our passions to out fuck intensify.
He whimpers my name desperately as he tosses his head back, his hips writhing to meet me.
Arie is my weakness. Everyone knows this, but the truth is he is also my strength. It's pitiful just how broken I am without him.
This teeny kid barely 5'1 holds everything I am in his hazel green eyes.
Most people wouldn't guess this but I don't think I could get out of bed if it weren't for Arie.
The people in our town just see me as this popular charming jock who comes from a prominent family.
MVP, secondary valedictorian, most likely to make it into the NFL.
But Arie knows me inside and out. He is my safe place where none of it matters. I can always show him how broken I am. He never runs instead he patiently glues the shattered parts of me back together no matter how many times I fall apart.
He loves me...so much...more than I deserve. I bury my nose against his collarbone to take in his scent.
"More." He begs.
"Does it feel good?" I whisper as my nose travels the length of his protruding clavicle.
"Yes. Give me more." He moans.
I take hold of the back of his head and kiss him as deep as I can.
I fuck him with everything inside me as I appreciate how perfectly his tiny soft body fits into mine.
How does he feel this good?
When I remember that this has to be the last time I feel tears tingeing against the corners of my eyes. Blurring my view of the most beautiful person I have ever known.
I urge myself to keep calm and give nothing away. I won't give in to how devastated I am inside. Not now when this moment feels too perfect.
No matter what I need to make him understand. I need him always to be with me, even if we can't be this way anymore.
I can hardly recall a time without Arie it's as if my memories start and end with him.
I saw him for the first time when I was five years old. I was playing outside in the driveway when I looked up at the sound of the front gate sliding open. I sat back on the gravel holding my toy car in my lap as I watched this noisy old family van pull in and park.
I had never seen such a shitty piece of broke down rusted metal and I remember wondering who would appear.
A man and a woman that I didn't know got out. The woman opened the door to the back seat and lifted a little girl out of a car seat.
The woman kissed the little girl before placing her down on her own feet. I could see from here that the little girl was crying. She tugged on her mother's dress as she stomped her feet.
Her mother bent down to comfort her. The little girl slipped both her middle fingers into her mouth as her mother spoke softly. I watched the lady kiss both chubby cheeks as the man ran his fingers through the little girl's wild mane of shoulder-length curls.
When she had finally calmed her mom stood to look down at her.
I heard faintly.
The little girl looked up at her mom with giant eyes and nodded her head. I noticed her fingers never slipped from her mouth.
I cringe a little. I think the thumb suckers at kindergarten are gross enough.
Her mother took her hand as the father led them towards the house.
It was at this moment that the front door opened and I watched as my mother rushed out to meet the couple. She ran straight for the woman and wrapped her arms around her tight.
The two ladies hugged for a long time. When they had finished my mom enthusiastically shook the man's hand. When my mom noticed the little girl hiding behind her mother's legs my mother crouched down to speak to her.
The curly-haired girl peaked around her mother. Then they both turned to look at me.
"Should we go say hello?" My father asked startling me.
I hadn't even heard him come out. He leaned down and takes hold of my hand before I could reply. Without waiting he leads me toward the crowd.
I vaguely listened as the adults spoke greetings to one another. I was more interested in the big hazel eyes that popped out from behind the woman's legs every few seconds to look at me.
After the third or fourth time, I couldn't help myself and I giggled.
That was the first time I thought anyone was cute.
She looked like a little bunny peeking out of a hole to make sure nothing scary was around.
My mother gently ruffled my hair to get my attention.
"Would you like to meet mommy's friend?" She asked me and I shrugged less than enthused to meet grown-ups.
My mom introduced me to Claude and Evie Winters. Evie is my mom's best friend from her hometown. And the kid's name is Arie you could've knocked me over with a feather when I realized he wasn't a girl at all.
"I can't do this anymore." He says after we have showered and dressed.
I look at him for a minute taking care to keep my expression neutral as he waits for me to react to his statement.
For only a second I'm tempted to ask him what he means. But I already know. Deep down I knew this would happen and I won't be a weak bitch and beg.
"Yeah." I say simply as I bend over to tie my shoelace.
I can't say I didn't expect this. He starts college after the summer. Full ride on an athletic scholarship playing football. While I'll be starting my senior year. We will be separated anyway. He wants to start fresh. Who am I to stand in the way of him being the big man on campus?
The thought brings bitter bile up my throat but I swallow it down along with my tears.
"You'll always be my best friend. I'll always love you and I don't want to lose you. Just because we won't be going to the same school doesn't mean we can't be close how we always have."
"No thank you." I put it simply as I stand up and reach for my bag. I toss it over my shoulder and head for the door forcing myself not to meet his gaze.
The moment my fingers touch the door knob I hear him moving quickly. He spins me around and pushes me flat against the door.
I can feel him staring at me as I look past his shoulder towards the window.
"Say something." He demands.
"I did. I accept and I have no words left for you."
"Arie don't be this way. You know how important you are to me I just can't see a way forward as things are. I love you but...I'm not gay."
I'm so angry inside. Mostly at myself. I mean who was I kidding? It was fine in high school, people praised him for always being so kind to the fag kid.
But how does he explain me to his college friends?
I had imagined this happening so many times why does my heart still feel shocked?
But my pride won't let me show him that, my heartbreak is private.
I force a smile as I look up at him.
"I accept Tee. We aren't kids anymore and you can't use me as a safety blanket forever. Thank you for setting me free."
He stares at me for a few minutes.
"I'm not. You made me a promise and I'll always hold you to it. Let's just be friends how we were before."
"No. Clean break." I tell him without blinking.
"You don't mean that."
I feel my forced smile twitch at the corner of my mouth in strain while everything inside begs me to weep into his chest.
"I'm leaving now." Is all my croaky throat will allow.
I turn between his arms and reach for the doorknob. The moment I pull the door he places his hand against it pushing it shut.
"I know you're upset with me but you also promised me. It's not fair but I can't let you go."
The rage surges quickly throughout my body. But even that I push down too prideful to admit that any of this affects me in the least.
"You no longer have a choice. I'm not your property or your toy to use as you please." The words escape through clenched teeth as tears threaten to burst out in a fit of rage and anguish. I gulp down the knot in my throat and ignore the tightness in my chest. I can cry at home. Not now while he can see.
"You're angry but our plan isn't changing. We have the summer before I start college and you start senior year. Graduate, then you join me. I picked an apartment near campus we can live together like best friends. Like brothers."
I glare inwardly as once again bile rises in my throat.
How fucking laughable. Do brothers fuck each other like you fuck me Tee? The words echo inside my head.
It's getting too hard not to scream my fucking head off. I take a moment before speaking.
"Yeah. I want to go now."
"I'll be busy moving this weekend but I'll come by after and we can go to the mall."
His hand drops away from the door and I take the opportunity to swiftly take my leave.
I take the ten feet it takes to get to my house very slowly all my effort focused on not weeping. I allow myself a moment to look back at his window.
Without looking I knew he was watching me. Tee always watches me like his precious toy collecting dust on the mantle.
I push my heartbreak away and smile at him.
At the last moment, I decide to blow him a kiss before turning my back. Goodbye Tee.
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