Chapter 1
When Will I Learn?
I stare at my desk, tears welling up in my eyes. Everthing is ruined. My notebooks are destroyed, my papers are torn, my phone is shattered on the floor, my sketchbooks. No! No! No! Why the sketchbooks? I know they all hate me but they've never gone this far. My desk has all sorts of messages carved into it. Loner, fucker, friendless, know-it-all, stuck-up bitch.
I've heard it all before. It isn't true. They just bully me since my brother Max does. My twin brother hates me for absolutely no reason and uses his popularity to make everybody else hate me too. It's been like this for years so you'd think I'd expect this thing by now, and usualy I do but normally they only talk shit to my face or behind my back, none of my classmates have destroyed any of my stuff. I thought today was going to be a good day, when they do nothing but ignore me. When will I learn? There are no good days. Just bad days, and worse days. Just 40 more minutes. I clear off my desk and take out a sheet of lined paper, trying not to cry again as I hear the snickers behind me. No one here shows me any sympathy, I am just the girl who's name they don't know. The girl they hate.
I manage to last the rest of class without bursting into tears and the second the bell rings, I'm gone.
It's not like I thought there would be ballons and streamers hanging around the house for my sweet sixteen when my entire family hates me, but I assumed they might do something. Anything at all would be fine. I sigh and head up to my room. This is dumb. They're never going to remeber. I lay on my bed for an hour or so when I hear a knock on my door.
"Gabrielle?"
Jordan. Jordan is my brothers best friend. He came to live with us when his family abandoned him due to financial problems. I thought that he might show some pity since we were in the same boat, though I wasn't abandoned like him, just ignored, neglected, unwanted, but I guess he got put on a yacht by my parents, meanwhile I was left on a tiny boat with moldy wood and leaks. They showed him more love then they ever did me. What does he want?
"Come in."
"Hey, so we're going out, but we'll be back soon. We're just headed to the mall to pick up some presents for you. Don't worry, we'd never forget your sixteenth birthday."
Jordan, sweet Jordan. Perhaps he wasn't always the best but he shaped up when it mattered most.
"Okay, I wasn't worried anyway."
A lie but I wanted him to believe it, or maybe I just wanted to believe it. He smiles at me and leaves me feeling elated. Maybe they did remember my birthday this time.
It's been six hours. Twelve am. I'm such an idiot. I've always had a soft spot for Jordan's dimples and he'd looked incredibly sincere, so like a naïve idiot, I fell for his trick. What is wrong with me? I didn't want to cry over something so trivial but here I was, sobbing, wondering if Jordan meant a word he said.
Maybe they lost track of time? Yeah right. I cry until I can't anymore, which is a while. I hear the door open and by then, it's one in the morning and they're laughing without a care in the world, their accidental daughter forgotten once again.
"Hey, where's Gabrielle?"
Jordan. For a sick momment, I want to run downstairs and smile at him, wait for him to tell me it was a mistake , tell him I forgive him but I get rid of that thought pretty quickly after I hear the follow up comment.
"Who cares Jordan? She probably ran away. Good ridance, God she was such a pain."
Max.
"You're right. Probably out crying somewhere because I told her we would be back for her birthday. What a gullible fool."
It took everything in me not to start sobbing again. I didn't need them to hear me. They didn't need to hear me. Never did. Why am I alive? I see something in my head. A tempting thought. I wouldn't. Right?
"Oh Gabrielle! Come downstairs, we brought a cake back for you!"
Giggles. Maybe I would do it. Maybe I should.
Three AM. That's what time they went to bed. That what time I get out of bed. I put on my favorite shirt and jeans. Might as well. I get to the foyer as quietly as possible and get my runners on before exting the house. It's the middle of June and the temperature is warming up quickly, though the nights are still cool. The moon is full and the stars are shinning. How ironic. Even nature is celebrating. I walk. I replay what happened at school. My classmates snickers, their mocking laughter, my things, all ripped up, i'm bawling again. I quicken my pace. I just want to get this over with. The sound of traffic let's me know I'm where I want to be since I can barely see through the tears clouding my vision. Even though it's three thirty two, traffic is still flowing. Good. I'm on the pedestrian foot bridge that overlooks the highway, car lights blazing buy below me. I climb onto the railing, almost loosing my balance. I take a deep breath as the sound of cars are the only thing I can hear. This feels okay. This feels right. This feels like I have a purpose. The wind is blowing at my back, even nature wants me gone. I don't want to do this anymore.
I jump.
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