I was sipping at a hot cup of tea when the commercial flashed across my TV screen; a bespectacled woman in a pristine lab coat, coming to you to endorse the newest thing in her best customer-service voice:
'With Andromedon Technologies, LLC, your dreams can be a reality! We have the power to help you create your perfect companion, whether your longing be for a child or a lover. We specialize exclusively in the Andromedon, your perfect male companion. Simply bring your wish list to our matching center to get started, and leave the rest to us! Andromedon Technologies, your solution to happily ever after.'
I held my mug just in front of my mouth, and stared in disbelief. The articles on the internet were not April fool's jokes. This company was for real, and had just come to market. It was all over the news. It took them over a year to 'perfect their process.' Instantly, I imagined the cruel and inhumane practices you might expect to encounter with a company selling lab created humans. Only time would tell if their pristine reputation would be tarnished.My phone buzzed. It was my alarm, telling me it was time to head for Angela's house. She threw a dinner party every now and then for herself and her neighbors, including myself. Angela was forty-five year old widow. Her husband, Henry, died suddenly last year of a heart attack. Ever since, she found solace in the company of her neighbors.
I was single myself, and with no other plans to speak of, it was difficult to decline any of her invitations with a clean conscience. The first time she invited us over taught me to show up empty handed. I insisted on bringing a store-bought bundt cake, so I wouldn't seem rude, only to find that Angela had baked two pies and a dump cake; and was somewhat offended that I felt obligated to bring dessert. In addition, she had made a three course meal, for just us four: Angela, Kirsten, Em, and myself.
Em's full name was Emery, but I could never bring myself to call her by that. Kirsten was a 'neighbor,' being that she lived two streets away, but still in our subdivision. I lived right across the street from Em, and caught her as I bolted my door to walk to Angela's. We strode to her porch arm in arm and rang the door bell.
We were greeted with a wide smile. Angela wasn't her usual mopey self today, something was different.
"Angela, good to see you! You look well," said Em, ever cheerful. Kirsten waved at us meekly from behind her wine glass.
I took my normal chair in between Em and Kirsten. Angela placed our salads down on the elegant rose gold chargers, humming all the while. Em poked at a cherry tomato. I chased a few chunks of lettuce around my plate. Kirsten nibbled at a cucumber, looking at Angela sideways. The curiosity was palpable. Angela had been a wreck since her husband died, and her happiness was suspicious. Had she met someone else, maybe?
Angela sat in her chair, and after a few bites, finally broke the silence, "I have some good news, ladies."
"Let's hear it, then," said Kirsten.
"I know you've seen the commercials for Andromedon Technologies. They're hard to miss, and they're talking about it on every news station."
"Oh, I know," said Em, munching a carrot, "If I didn't already have a boyfriend, I would have called them the moment I saw the commercial."
"It's been really difficult for me since Henry passed away. My life has been unbearably lonely. So, darlings, I called them right after the commercial aired!"
Kirsten smiled, "Congratulations, Angela! What's he like?"
For a moment we all exchanged salacious glares, and sipped at our rosé like gossiping housewives.
"Young, and beautiful. I wanted him as close to Henry looked when we first met, with some minor improvements." She laughed and sipped at her glass.
I faked a smile, "Angela, you say that like you didn't find Henry handsome at all!"
"He wasn't ugly, but he certainly wasn't the men I fantasized about as a teenager. It was his heart I loved most. Ironic, considering he died of a heart attack!" she laughed at her own macabre joke, as we all stared wide-eyed at her in shock. She recovered, "Sorry, that was in poor taste."
Angela rose to plate and serve the main course. It was adorable that she still loved her husband so much. To think she could replace him was unfathomable. With someone scandalously younger than her; as I remember, she and Henry met in college, when they were in their twenties. The situation made me uneasy. She was more or less buying a lab created man half her age. I sucked down the remainder of my wine, hoping the knot in my stomach would go away. Em promptly refilled my glass as we started in on the beef wellington Angela prepared.
"The commercial mentioned that Andromedons can be adopted like children. Is that why you're getting one? Because Henry always longed for a son?" asked Kirsten, obtuse as ever.
"No, darling. I intend to make him my second husband."
I had to stop myself from doing a spit take like in the movies. I expected her answer, but I didn't expect it to be so direct. I polished off another glass and quickly poured my own refill. I wished Kirsten hadn't asked. Em broke the tense silence that ensued. "It'll be wonderful for you to have someone in your life again!"
I could tell from the look on Em's face that she, too, was uneasy. Yet, we wanted to wait and see how this would pan out. They toasted to Angela's 'stroke of genius' and gobbled the food with gusto.
It was nice that others could fake happiness, because I couldn't be anything other than shocked and speechless. I was trying to swallow my words and the lump in my throat with glass after glass of wine. It only made my head swirl and face get hot. I was trying to drink myself into another dimension where this wasn't happening.
Angela addressed me suddenly, "You've been single awhile now, darling. Maybe you should think on calling them yourself. It's so easy! A phone call and a trip down to their Matching Lab. You tell them what you want, and they make some sort of formula for him. It's not terribly expensive. Then you go get them in about three weeks! It really couldn't be more easy."
"I don't know, Angela, I will think it over." I spat. One more remark about my four year single streak, and I was bound to say something tactless. I drained the dregs of my glass and Kirsten moved to the buffet to open another bottle, all the while glancing at me pityingly.
"Really, it only takes three weeks?" marveled Em.
"Yes. It's something in their 'proprietary process.' I asked the same question! It's incredibly convenient."
Waiting for Kirsten to wrestle open the bottle and refill my glass took an eternity. I'd already had so much wine that I was out of touch with the moment, and I swear I could hear the carpet grow. Angela was prattling about her excitement over Henry 2.0, while Em listened with as much interest as she could muster. Kirsten was staring at the chocolate pie on the buffet table. I was getting sleepy, and my half eaten beef wellington went cold.
My drunken stupor spoiled my ability to play cards after dessert, and Em had to walk me home while Kirsten stayed to help Angela with all the dishes.
She pulled my arm tightly around her shoulder and helped me stumble down Angela's porch stairs. "It's good she can have exactly what she wants," grunted Em, using her free hand to fumble in my purse for my keys. "Good men are really hard to find. I got lucky with Finn, but it must be nice to know that you can always have someone custom made."
She jerked me onto my own porch, one stair at a time. She fumbled the key in the lock and let go of me just inside the foyer. I stumbled and took my keys from her outstretched hand.
"I'll wait to hear you lock the door before I leave," she turned to the door, "Jesus, I've never seen you drink so much."
I clumsily bolted the door, stomped up the stairs, and flopped face down in the bed without taking my makeup off.
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