Read only till he's safe | Tapas Web Community

"live as if it were you very last day." I sure hope it is this town is filled with people who know nothing better than to be in everyone's business. The town where if you sleep with one person you are considered a dirty tool. At least that's how I seen it. This year is my Sophmore year of High School. How amazing to know that I can't graduate for another two years. Everyone in this school looks the same, every friend group is the same they all have something in common. I like a ton of crap, Rock music, visual arts (the kind that you trip out over), herbal work, creating and destroying machines, scary movies, gore/blood, experimenting with many chemicals and objects (or people), and Pizza. That's all that I like I rarely hate anything, it takes a while for me to get bored of something or to even dislike it in the sightest amount. I live in a neighborhood that many white richies tend to stay away from in their route to their high paying job. Where I live isn't terrible there is hardly any violence, unless Ardyn from 214 is out fighting the air. It seems like a terrib le neighborhood because some houses are unkept or mowed. The people here are pretty helpful and useless at the same time. They can get you out of any situation and they can make the situation worse. Last year I missed a half of a semester because I would have one of my neighbors call me out. The apartment complex down the block has a good amount of people living in it mostly single low-life white men who are probably unemployed. They all come in handy when I do my Herbal work. I don't have a real job however I help the landlord with somethings when he is really busy. He's a really kindhearted man with a grunge sense of humor. dest part. I went to my least favorite teachers class. industrial writers class. It was the worst hour of my life. he would never stop staring at me and with everything he said he would look at me. As if I had anything to do with his sad life. English was worse, its terrible that I have a male teacher but the way he teaches pisses me off so much. I walked out so many times in Freshman year, I don't know why they hadn't switched my teacher. As soon as I sat down in my seat the first thing he said was so stupidly correct. " I know you don't like me so much kiddo, I know you hate coming into my room and listening to me. But I wanted to let you know that you won't have to deal with me anymore. In fact, you will never have to see me ever again." good thank you. "ok" It was all I could say at the time. Inside I was cussing him out and flippin' birds at him and celebrating but on the outside I was expresionless. Asking when he was leaving was rude, so I asked him either way. In the middle of the lesson he looked pissed off. Next tuesday. I'll give him a good going away gift. The best thing that I can give to him is my herbs, with all the crap he gave me he needs to something to shut him up. I went on with my day, very excited about Mr. Saroder was finally leaving. I was done with the day all that I needed to do now was check my herbs, smoke them, go to work, and then eat. The landlord was having a tough day with customers, I feel bad for him he doesn't deserve all of this. So I dealt with the losers for the rest of the afternoon. I was so tired with these people but I am glad I took over for Stone he doesn't deserve any of this treatment. I left very late and didn't eat anything I just went to sleep. The next morning I checked my herbs and I went out side on my porch to eat the very last bit of oatmeal I had left. I went to school and I saw Saroder by the doors. "Morning, I have terrible news for you kiddo. I get to keep my job." he looked at me with very narrow puppy eyes. I stared at him and then walked away without saying anything. He tried to catch up to me yelling out to me and when he finally caught up he stood in front of me. So close that I could smell his very faint cologne, It didn't smell that bad just not normal for a teacher to wear cologne. "Saroder I am trying to get to my class, move." He looked disapointed but there was nothing for me to say. He's here or he's not either way all I wanted was the cookies that they were giving out. I was listening to music when my earbud got pulled out of my ear. The person next to me, Saroder's "favorite" talked to me about what she did last night trying to get with Saroder for extra credit or some bullshit. I wanted to gut her out and use her for halloween decorations. Rob Zombie has always been mentally my guardian. He is the most beautiful man on earth. It was raining as I was working on a machine. I wen out into my yard and found worms. I took most of them and cut their heads off and hung them up to dry out. The end of the day was near and I still had a shift with Stone. I walked around during lunch and got caught by Saroder. "Are you skippin'." he asked while grabbing copies from an office. " No I'm just walking to clear my head man." I stopped and poked my head in which was a terrible thing because Saroder was walking out and he almost hit me. "Oh sorry, Is everything alright?" For once the ugly, cruel, english teacher was being a decent human being. "I'm fine don't worry about it." I knew people had soft spots for somethings but Saroder really surprized me. The man went from super annoying, stern, and I need to block him out of my head guy to I care about you so tell me everything in your life. "listen kid, I know I'm not your favorite person to be around or the type to ask how you are but really I do care about you.." I stopped him so that I could get out of this one sided conversation. "please, Saroder just leave me alone. I'm fine." I could tell he was getting irritated but I already was and this obviously wasn't going to clear my head. "I need to smoke, you aren't helping Saroder." I walked away and tried not to look back at that sensitive mess of an english teacher. "you know I that wouldn't sound too bad right now." he was basically yelling. His voice was breaking off he was on the verge of tears. I guess I have to cheer this two year old english teacher up with weed. "Ok then let's go dude." I said as his face lit up. Now it felt like that was the only thing he wanted from me, as he wouldn't ever talk to me about anything other than school stuff. "kid do you really have weed on you in school?" he said while grabbing my shoulder. At this point I already knew that when the weed gets to his brain he's going to flip out and I will have to take care of a high crybaby english teacher. " are we leaving the school? but we are supposed to be at school!" ugh I why did I invite him. " SARODER OH MY GOSH SHUT UP DAMMIT!" I was so done with his whinning he just needs to stay quiet. "I'm sorry kid. I-" I looked at his face he was red. I felt terrible but really he needs to shut up. "Saroder just stop. All of the time that I've been back in school you've been on some bullshit and I'm just sick of it." "I'm sorry kid I'll stop." I saw his eyes starting to tear up now I felt really terrible. "Do you still want to go. I mean it's not like we can just smoke in the school." I tried changing my irritated tone but I was still really pissed off. "kiddo yes. I do but If I irritate you then I really shouldn't." this man is already doing that I don't know why he thinks he isn't. "if you want to go then you can, It's up to you." Watching him cry was a really sad thing. "Saroder listen, I don't mean to be rude to you but it's always how it's been between us and I'm not used to you acting like this." Saying that really broke him. He burst into tears but I was pissed off with how he was acting. He stayed silent the whole time we were walking. It was very awkward but saying something would make it even worse. He kept his head down and his hands in his pockets like a toddler throwing a fit.

Me:"Saroder.."

Saroder:"yes kid?"

Me:"I'm sorry."

Saroder:"It's ok I understand that you got overwhelmed and I kept adding on."

I get that he was my english teacher but now I'm starting see him as a brother. The conversation carried on.

Me: "saroder.Did you ever actually hate me?"

Saroder: "kid I'll be honest. I never HATED you but sometimes you do things to tick me off."

Me:"I know."

Saroder:" pft. whatever"

We walk to the lake and sat down on the grass. I started rolling while Saroder ranted about everything. He was very expressive with his hands it distracted me for a bit. We took turns taking a hit back and forth.

Saroder:"hey. Can I ask you something?"

Me:" No"

Saroder:" why did you change your pronouns?"

I just shrugged off the question and went back to what I was doing. After a while we were high and I was so spaced out that when Saroder called out to me all I heard was a muffled voice next to me.

Saroder:"Hey. Are you okay?"

I looked over at him with my eyes feeling so puffy and red. He was smilling at me. I was so out of reality. I could feel my heart pounding, my throat was dry, and all I could do was look at Saroder in the eyes and put my hands around my knees. He dropped down and put his arms around me. That was when I snapped back and realized everything that had been going on. I jumped back and I yelled at him not aware of my tone or what I said to him but it just came out. "Saroder you are a fucking pedophile this is why you were acting like this at school. I hate you." He stared at me with wide eyes and a very pale face. His hands went back into his pocket. He turned back to the lake and stared out to the water. I tried to cool down but the high was making things worse and I just can't process everything at once. His shoulders dropped, he tried to say something but he hesitated and he went silent again.

Me:"saroder, I'm sorry. I keep messing up."

Saroder:"you are alright kiddo. I need this either way. I'm not a good person."

I got up from the ground and started walking up behind him. He didn't see me and I tried to jump onto him to attack him. He pinned me on the ground and almost punched me in the face.

Saroder:" Dammit kid, you scared me. I could have killed you."

Me:" haha that would've been funny."

he kept staring at me and I tried to push him off. "what the hell Saroder!" I got him off of me and he was apologizing. I stared at him and I tried to say something but I could feel my entire body shaking and going cold. I felt like this before and it was awful. My 23 year old cousin had gone into my room while I was changing and he acted like such an asshole. He came up behind me and grabbed my waist and said something but I was panicking and I was crying like a little bitch. He started to do things that hurt me and he was so mad at me for crying. Right now I felt exactly how I did back to that moment. Instead of crying I wanted to break his face onto the cement and yell at him for everything he did. I felt so awful everything I did ended up in the same way. I am way too nice to people and they think to use the nice me to get what they need and I end up a bitch about it and they leave me then I go back to being selfish and snarky. But it's really the only way I can defend myself.

This content is intended for mature audiences for the following reasons.