The school bell rings. For most people, it probably just means another normal day. Classes, club stuff, hanging out with friends, maybe going to karaoke after school. That kind of thing. For me, though, it feels different. I know it sounds weird, but every time I hear that bell, I remember everything I wish I could forget. Sorry, I guess that sounds kind of depressing. I don’t mean to complain. It’s just… I don’t really like school.

My name is Shako Ikitayashi. I’m just a regular student. Nothing special. Sorry if that’s boring. I mean, not everyone gets to be the main character or anything. If you were hoping for something exciting, I guess this might not be it. Sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so sad. I’m probably just tired. I haven’t really slept well lately. I guess it’s kind of my parents’ fault. That sounds bad, doesn’t it? They’re my parents, so I shouldn’t complain. But I wish they’d stop arguing all the time.

Back to school again. The bell rang right as I stepped onto the grounds. Everyone else was already running past me, like being late was the end of the world. I guess, at Ashikaga High, it kind of is. The rules here are strict, and some of the traditions feel like they belong in a history book. Most people act like failing isn’t allowed. Meanwhile, I’m probably the reason the teachers sigh during staff meetings.

“Yawn. Hopefully that final late-night sprint was worth it.”

Midterms were coming up soon, so everyone seemed kind of tense. Some people looked like they already knew everything, while others were cramming as much as they could into their brains before it was too late.

I changed into my indoor shoes and headed upstairs. When I got to my second-floor classroom, I saw my friend waiting by the door.

“’ Sup, Shako! Studied hard for the test? Um… is everything alright?”

I rubbed the dust out of my eyes and let out a big yawn.

“Morning, Rai! Ah, could be better, I suppose. I was studying until midnight, so I’m dead tired right now.”

“No kidding. You look like a zombie.”

Rai Sonoda’s been my best friend since middle school. I used to get picked on a lot, so I’d just hide out in the boys’ restroom during lunch. If Rai hadn’t shown up that one day, I’m not really sure what would’ve happened to me. The next day, he just walked up and asked if we could be friends. I remember asking him why, and he just said, “Do I need a reason?” I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t, honestly.

Pretty much everyone likes Rai. He’s good-looking and the baseball team captain, so it’s no shock that all the girls are into him. I guess I’m kind of jealous, even though I know I shouldn’t be. He acts like it’s no big deal, though. He just likes helping people, especially the ones who actually need it.

“And how is it going back home?”

“Ah, you know, the usual arguing. At this point, I’ve become partially used to it.”

He let out a big sigh when I said that.

“You already know how I feel about all this. I really want to help you, and I wish I could. But I just can’t. It’s not because I don’t care or don’t want to be involved. I’m worried about what could happen to your family if I step in. I don’t want to make things harder for your parents. If things got worse because of me, I don’t think I could forgive myself, and I know you wouldn’t want that either.”

He went quiet for a second.

“But if there’s one thing I want you to remember, it’s this: don’t wait until it’s too late. If there’s something you want to do, do it while you still have the chance.”

“Yeah, I know. I just… I don’t really know what I’m supposed to do. My dad’s always drunk, and my mom’s just gotten worse lately. Sometimes I wonder if they’d be better off if I wasn’t around.”

Suddenly, his face changed and he grabbed my collar, pulling me closer.

“There’s one thing I really can’t stand, and that’s hearing someone say the world would be better off without them. How can you say something like that about yourself? You’re a person, Shako. You matter, even if you can’t see that right now. Everyone has a purpose. You just haven’t found yours yet.”

He let go right when the bell ran.

“Come, we should head inside before the teacher gets here.”

As he turned to enter the classroom, I stopped him.

“Thanks, Rai… for being my friend. I still don’t really get why you’d want to hang out with a nobody like me”

He put his hand on my shoulder.

“You’re not a nobody, Shako. Remember that.”

I trailed after him into the classroom and sat down. I stared out the window, pretending not to hear everyone else talking about how ready they were for the test. I wasn’t, obviously. I just kept my head down and watched the last few people come in. Rai’s words kept echoing in my head. “A purpose, huh?”

A minute later, something was going on across the room. I glanced over and saw this huge guy standing in the doorway. Everyone went quiet and rushed to their seats. He walked to his desk, each step sounding way too loud. I tried not to make eye contact.

“All right, everyone! I’m covering for Ms. Hoga today. Today’s test is maths, right? Not that I care. I have only two rules you’ll need to follow: no talking and no cheating. Anyone who breaks them will have to see the principal—and trust me, that’s the last thing you want.”

Mr. Takui showed up. People call him “The Bull.” He’s our P.E. teacher, and honestly, I don’t know much about him except that he always looks annoyed. There’s a rumor he once sent a kid to the hospital for making fun of him, but I don't know if that’s true. Anyway, he told a couple of students to pass out the tests. The room got so quiet that even the chairs sounded loud. Nobody wanted to get noticed. Once the tests were handed out, it was official. Midterms had started.

…

Time felt like it had stopped. I tried to focus on the questions and answer them as best I could. The first few minutes were rough, but after a while, I realized I wasn’t doing as badly as I’d expected. Maybe staying up late to study wasn’t a total waste. When I finally got to the last question, I started to write my answer when a weird buzzing sound started in my ear. At first, I thought I could just ignore it, but it kept getting louder. It sounded wrong. Off. Like a bunch of voices all mixed together, saying the same thing over and over:

“DO IT!”

“DO IT!”

“DO IT!”

I tried to keep my eyes on the test, but my eyelids got heavy, and my neck felt weird, like it couldn’t hold my head up anymore. Before I could understand what was happening, everything went dark, and I hit my head on the desk.

“Ten minutes remaining! Huh?”

Mr. Takui noticed me slumped over and walked over.

“Mr. Ikitayashi, no slacking off! If you think sleeping during class is allowed, then you’re quite mistaken! Why don’t you go report yourself to the principal? Maybe that’ll teach you to go to bed on time.”

A few people laughed, but Mr. Takui just gave them a look, and they stopped. I couldn’t move at all. It was like my body wasn’t listening to me anymore, but I could still see and hear everything. It was like someone else was using my body, not me.

Mr. Takui looked like he was about to tell me to leave again, but then my body just sort of jerked up by itself. I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the window. My eyes looked huge and empty—kind of like a dead fish. Everyone was staring. Even Mr. Takui looked kind of scared.

“Mr. Ikitayashi… are you alright?”

I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t, even if I wanted to. My body dropped to the floor, and I started reaching for my backpack. The voices came back, but this time they were saying:

“GRAB THE KNIFE!”

“GRAB THE KNIFE!”

“GRAB THE KNIFE!”

My hands fumbled through my backpack until they found something. It was just my box cutter, the one I used for art projects.

“Boy, don’t do anything rash with that. Think about what you’re doing.”

Mr. Takui was trying to calm me down, but everyone else was panicking. Some people told me not to do anything, and others just stared. Then the voices started up again:

“KILL YOURSELF!”

“KILL YOURSELF!”

“KILL YOURSELF!”

My heart dropped. My arm moved toward my neck on its own, and I felt the cold blade against my skin. I think I started bleeding, but I couldn’t really tell. I wanted someone to stop me, or at least wake me up. Mr. Takui, Rai, anyone. Nobody did. And then, with one quick motion, I slit my throat wide open. Blood started gushing out of the wound like a waterfall. Everything went silent—

—and then my body collapsed to the floor with a heavy thud. People started screaming. Rai appeared next to me, looking terrified.

“Shako! Damn it, he’s losing too much blood! Mr. Takui, call an ambulance! Hurry!”

Mr. Takui finally moved and called for help. Rai took off his jacket and pressed it against my neck, trying to stop the bleeding. It didn’t really help. Everything started to fade.

Is this really it? Is this how I’m going to die?

If I’d known today was my last day… maybe I would’ve tried to help my parents get along. Maybe I would’ve tried to make more friends. Maybe I would’ve actually talked to the girl I like. Please, I don’t want to die!

I’m cold.

I can’t breathe.

Everything’s fading.

.

.

.

And then… nothing.