"Noelle, I need to tell you something." Carter said in a low voice.

Oh no... he's gonna do it.  I thought, already tensing and ready to get up. "Yes?" I asked sitting up a little to look at him. "I.. well, I want more." "Popcorn? Same! Here." I took some popcorn from the bowl then offered the bowl to him, eating the popcorn in my hand. "That too.. Haha" he chuckles and took a little. "I want more from this. I want a real relationship." 

No. Come on, not again! 

"Uh... Look, I told you before, I don't-" "I know! But, I'd be willing to convince you-" Carter started to say. I shook my head. "Don't." I got up, pulling the blanket off me, the cold air calming me. I turned away, already throwing my shoes on. "Noelle, please. I won't hurt you, just trust me!" He called after me but my head started ringing with annoyance. "I said NO!" I wanted to say, but it came out in a yell. This is going to hurt, but trust me, it won't hurt for long. I promise. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done this to you." I said to him before leaving his apartment. 

------------------------

I never cry in these moments. It's become old. Carter is the eighth one. I'm not a good person, but I am an honest one. Mostly. I'm honest about my intentions, I just keep to myself. I didn't want anything more than the facts. The reality. But their reality always tries to fix mine. But my reality doesn't need fixing! Their's does. 

"Hey" I was outside his apartment building now, on the phone. "Yeah, I gotta talk to you." I said with a sigh. "Alright... Yeah.. Okay, see you soon." 

I hung up and waited. At least he didn't chase me. I've had a chaser before. Worse thing was, it was girl, so she also screamed for me to come back.

~Thirty minutes later~

"So you and him were..?" "Yes." I said with my head down on the table. "And he isn't the first? I mean obviously he isn't, I mean I still know about the one from high school.." "Shut up." I muttered and Violet smiled. "Okay, well, tell me the rest." she said with a sigh. I sat up and looked at her in shock. "You sure you want to know that?" I asked in a caution tone. "Mhm. Spill. Now." she said and nodded. "Okay.. Um. Well, there was Ray, as you already know. Next was Alex in Senior year. Then this guy named.. James? Jaden? Something like that- in college. As well as this other guy. I don't know his real name, but I called him Frosty." "Frosty?" "Yep. He was a cold hearted guy, and always wore a scarf. He was frosty the snowman. Frosty." I said and the two of us laughed. 

"Okay that's three, including Carter, four. Who and when were the other four?" she asked. I took in a deep breath. "Five was Heath..." I said looking up at her. Her eyes widened. "My Heath?!" She asked and I nodded. "When?" "About a month and a half after you two ended things." I said biting my lip. She relaxed a little. "Oh. Okay. Next." 

"Next was Lana." "The one from your business?" "Mhm, that's the one." "Didn't she get fired last year?" she asked, and I nodded. "A year and a half. She was stalking me and pursuing me. So I called the police on her and got her fired. Well. No, I just fired her." I said with a shrug. Violet looked at me like I was talking about a loved ones misfortune like it was a good thing. "She should have taken no for an answer." I said with a shrug. She shook her head and waved a hand. "Next!"

"Dustin and Dean." I said and smirked. She looked up in shock. "What?! Seriously?! Both of them? When?" she asked. "Last year." "And the other?" I paused and smirked a little. "Oh my- at the same time?! Twins- at the same time?!" I nodded with a chuckle. "Holy-... wow. You certainly got around. So all this time you never once?" "Got pregnante? No, never." "Not that! But that too.. I mean, you never once fell in love?" She asked. I frowned and shook my head. "No. Never. I told you, I don't believe in it." I said propping my head with my arm in the table. "I know, I know. But Elle-" "Don't 'Elle' me. I don't Vio. I don't believe in it, and I never will." I said sternly, but softly. She looked down sadly. I sighed. 

"New topic.. How it going with your secret relationship? Is his name really spelled without an H?" I asked and her eyes lit up. "Yes! And it's great actually. We just said 'I love you' too. Or at least I did. He already did before. Heheh.." she said and I smiled. "That's good. I'm happy for you guys." I said with a soft smile." 

"Hey, you going to get your hair curled again? It's starting to fall straight again." she asked and I reached up to touch my dark brown hair. "No, I'm going to keep it straight. I wanted to try the haircut I got in junior year of highschool again." "The A-line cut? Ohhh I liked that one on you." I nodded. 

"Hey, sorry I'm late. What'd I miss?" Claude, my male best friend walked in and sat at the table with us after taking his shoes off and laying his coat on the couch. I looked at Violet and we both laughed. "Okay, uh first. Knock much?" I said before slugging him in the arm. He was twice mine and Violet's size. "Ahah! Right, sorry not sorry." He said with a laugh and I rolled my eyes. "So what did I miss? What was so urgent?" he asked. I looked at Violet and she nodded knowingly. "I just have a heartache. I needed my best friends." I said getting up and hugging him from behind. "Uhh why you touching me? And wait, so I cancelled on my girlfriend, for this?" he asked and I hit him again, standing straight. "Jerk! And here I thought you loved me!" I said, faking hurt. He smiled and pulled me by the waist, hugging me while he sat. "Shut up, you know I love you." he said with a smile. I smiled and nodded. 

Oh, right, I should explain. I have an exception on "love". I call is family/friendship carence. In terms where my best friends can understand however, I just use the word love.

Violet stood up and hugged me from behind. "Aww! Yes! We all love you!" she said before kissing me on the cheek. "Ew! Gross!" I said pushing them both off me and we all started laughing. 

Yeah, this...

"Movie night with my two lovers!" 

This was all.

"Gross, I'm your big brother." "Only by friendship~ hahaha, Just kidding~ You aren't my type!" 

This is all I need.

"You are my soulmate though Elle~" "Why of course I am, Vio. Always~ hahah"

Can't I just have this, and stay like this?

No... that would be too easy. Other's reality wouldn't allow that. And my best friends? Well, they wouldn't want that for me. Not just that at least.