“It’s best to obey.” I mumbled to myself as I read the book “stick to the rules. Stick to the game. And everything will be fine. Fine and eventually this will all end.” Laughing under my breath I follow as everyone turned the page “it has to end, can’t go on forever. I’m dead. I have to go somewhere. My soul can’t wander purgatory forever.” I felt my stomach sink “but what if I’m already where I’m supposed to be. I killed myself and that’s bad. How many religions say that it’s bad, what if they were right?” I shot out of my desk “I’m in hell!” Everything froze around “just don’t blink. And they can’t restart.” I looked at the stapler on the edge of Mr. Shiki’s desk “they’ll stay open. I’ll be free. I won. I won. Can’t mess with me anymore.” I collapsed to the floor even before I made my first step forward “get out of your own head, Rose. It was just a dream, a bad dream. That’s right. It won’t happen again.”
My eyes started to sting as I refused to blink and restart this day over. But nature was going to win and I was too afraid to restart this day over because I didn’t know what would happen. “But you do know. It’ll be fine. Just restart it.” I began to pull myself on the floor toward the desk “It won’t be fine.” I had finally lost it and I couldn’t keep fooling myself. “It’s not going to be ok!” I’ll just have to fix this. I can’t sleep or blink ever again. I grabbed the stapler off the desk and stared into the dark opening the staples shot from “it’ll hurt just a second.”
Slowly, I raised the stapler up to my eye using my free hand to pull back my eyelids “a moment of pain to never have to relive any of this again.” I pressed it against my skin and exhaled.
I was surprised at how calm I was, how the pain would come quick but then dissipate after only a second. Around me the world was frozen, each person stuck in my loop and unable to move unless I allowed it. But I wasn’t going to allow it, I was now in control of this world. For the first time since I had arrived. I wiped the blood away from my eyes and composed myself. “Got to find a way out, now.” I tried to smile but that made me feel as though I had finally gone off the deep end. “Come on, Rose. Compose yourself.”
I picked myself off the floor and walked through the classroom. Everything was silent, eerily silent. It was as if the world around me had been put on mute but I found the silence to be a comforting friend who’d I never realized I missed before now. I made my way through the hallway, noticing not even my footsteps made sounds. Nor the doors when opened or closed. “Time to go.” I said to myself as I pushed the front doors open “got to find the exit now.”
I jerked around. “No!” I screamed falling down to my knees now on the platform of the station. “I didn’t come here! It isn’t my time to die!” I tried to blink to restart but I couldn’t, I began to claw at the staples but it was as if the metal had fused to my skin. “No! No! No!”
Tears streamed down my face which only burned my eyes and made things worse.
“You’re not going to let me leave this place, are you?” I questioned “no. It’s never easier for me, is it?” I pulled myself up and looked at the boy standing on the other side of the station. “You’re so lucky to be dead.”
His eyes widened as if he heard me. An actual response from someone, something that didn’t follow what had already been written. He looked at me with horror, I could only imagine what I must look like now at this moment. Wait, did that mean? “I’m not alone here?” Before I had to chance to ask him my body acted on its own.
My eyes shot open “I’m not alone.” I grabbed my blanket and pulled it up to my face sobbing happily “I’m not alone!” The same familiar knock came at the door “I’m not alone?” I felt my heart drop “what does that even mean?”