Good Morning!

Before I get started, I just thought you guys should know I got a new puppy recently and he just farted. It was so bad it threw off my thought process, but he is so cute that I have to forgive him. Anyway let's get on with today's random thoughts.

Last time I mentioned that I would talk about being okay, but its a little more complicated than just saying, "Oh I've been put in this crappy situation and I can't get out, so I guess I'll just deal with it." 

And I really want to talk about that, but sometimes my brain has other things it wants to say and you just have to go with the flow you know? So maybe we will get there and maybe we won't. 

So what do you want to talk about, Odelya?

Good question, a lot!

First off I'm in Florida visiting my brother and his new puppy for spring break and it's really nice. I could chose a better adjective, but sometimes things are just really nice and there's really no better way to describe it. Anyways, it's my last spring break as a college student, for now. I may go to grad school, but honestly that's not really something I want to do. I don't hate school because there are a lot of things and people that have inspired me to be who I am today, but classes and homework have never really been my strong suit. 

I knew early on, since middle school, that school itself wasn't really for me. I was too smart for somethings and too lazy to learn other things. Every now and then you get that teacher that makes you feel like what you think and do matters, but there were so few for me that it never really pushed me to better myself outside of their class. So, now that I'm almost done with school it's like a shaky sigh of relief. 

On the one hand, it's like, Woo! I did it! After all the classes I've missed and crappy (mostly good) grades I received, I'm finally done! But on the other, it's like, What happens now? It feels like everything I ever worked toward doesn't really matter, because my future boss isn't going to care about my GPA. It's a weird feeling to reach the end of a chapter in my life. I don't think it has fully hit me yet, and that's what scares me most. I am not sure how I will feel once it has settled that I am leaving the life I've known for the past four years to go on and start something new.

In some ways it feels like the way it does when someone asks you  on your birthday, "Do you feel any older?"

And you say, "Not really," 

When somebody asks me if I'm excited or nervous that college is almost over, I find myself shrugging my shoulders and thinking, that's just the way it is. Why fuss over something that is out of my control? The people and things that really matter to me will never truly leave me. I have great memories and  stories of them and that's enough. 

My feelings might change as I get closer and closer to graduating, but if there's one thing I've learned from school it's that the only constant in life is change. When things are going wrong I know that it won't be forever. It isn't always so easy to see the bigger picture, but recently I've tried to take a deep breath and ask myself, "What do you want to do now?"

The question is simple enough, but it usually makes me realize that the world has not ended and nobody has taken the VHS of my life (I was born in 90's,) out of the T.V. and throw it out. Once I come to this conclusion, it is usually enough to pick up my spirits. I know that I can let myself wallow for a little while longer, or I could do something about my situation. It's not always easy to do the latter, but that's what friends and family are for. Nobody said you had to go through your struggle alone. 

So maybe this wasn't the most conventional way of getting to my initial point of being okay, but I think I've reached it. And now, I'm going to go to the beach and enjoy the sun.  I know that good times don't last forever either, but who has time to contemplate change when they are getting sun burned?

Well anyways, thanks for tuning in! If anyone else is on break, have fun and be safe! Fun Fact: Despite its name, Worcestershire sauce was originally an Indian recipe, brought back to Britain by Lord Marcus Sandys, ex-Governor of Bengal. One day in 1835, Sandys appeared in a prospering chemist's emporium in Worcestershire, England, and asked the chemist to create a batch of sauce from his recipe.

(FF source: google curious)