The sun was now setting. Alec turned the final page. “That’s it?” He frowned, just like the day when we’d first met twelve years ago, when a ladybug had flown onto the tip of his nose and he didn’t know what to do. “Erika, I don’t mean to doubt your tastes but… it’s so… gloomy.”

“I know right!” I said as I perked up for my hospital bed. “Isn’t it great?”

He shut the book and placed it on a table nearby. “I don’t know,” he said, shaking his head, “it wasn’t bad, but I’m not really sure what I was supposed to get out of it, if that makes sense.”

“I guess you’re just too nice for your own good, huh, Alec.”

“Hey! I can be mean if I want to!”

“Is that so?” I raised a brow and crossed my arms as a smirk took my lips. “When people fall over, instead of laughing, you help them. Also, how many kittens have you saved this year? Oh yeah, let’s not forget the fact that you rush into things without thinking, for the sake of others.”

“Okay, fine,” he pouted and quickly averted my gaze, his foot tapping the ground. “I admit, it is difficult for me to be mean to others. Do you have a problem with that?”

I shook my head. “No,” I said, “I think it’s almost admirable, even if I definitely wouldn’t be able to pick up such a lifestyle. Okay, well, maybe for the kittens I could, but that’s not the point here.”

Alec leaned against his palm. He smiled. “Eh, I’m sure you’re not as devilish as you’d like to think, Erika.”

“Even if I told you I thought your kindness was paper-thin from stupidity?”

He nodded, his grin growing wider. “That would just make you honest.”

From outside, a crow begun to caw, as it flew past my window leading traces of darkness behind.

“Geez,” I scoffed, “you should use some of that kindness on you.”

He laughed, “perhaps. Hey,” he cleared his throat, his eyes meeting mine once more, “can I say something?”

I cocked my head to the side. “Uh, sure?”

Alec rose to his feet. The chair made a gross screeching noise but I ignored it. He took a step towards me, then two, before kneeling at my bedside as he reached for me until he cradled my palms between his. “I was really scared when I got the call, Erika.” His voice was shaking now, and mine probably would too if I’d had the guts to answer. “I’m sorry. You went through this, not me, but I’m just afraid. I don’t want you to break.” He pulled away and scratched his elbow. I stared into his emerald eyes and clutched the bedsheets. It occurred to me that it was strange of him to apologise even though I was the burden tormenting him on the daily as he tried time and again to fix whatever had been severed. “I’m sorry,” he said again. “Please don’t be mad.”

“Why would I be mad?” I asked him, confused, as I tilted my head closer to his.

”Because,” he blurted, looking to his feet, “y-you’re not saying anything. A-and you’re giving me that look.”

“What look?”

“You know! The one you offer people when they step on your wrong side. S-so I just thought—”

I rested my hand against his. Alec gasped and immediately turned to face me. His skin was warm. His chestnut bangs covered his eyes. The wind was howling outside as the trees, burnt with the colours of autumn, swayed from side to side. “I’m the one who’s sorry, Alec.”

"W-What?” His cheeks suddenly turned a shade darker. “W-why?” he asked me. “You did nothing wrong!”

I smiled but the rest of my face would just not follow, so I just looked to our hands instead, wondering why mine were trembling so much. “Do you really think that?” I asked him. “You can tell me I’m insane, I won’t mind, they’ve already said it a thousand times.”

“Well,” his laughter was awkward. “I suppose you’re really quite something,” his words were soft-spoken, as if they were secret nobody but he and I were allowed to share. “I wouldn’t have had the guts to jump off a building like that,” he said, “but in the end of the day, no matter what you did, I’m just glad that you’re still here.” Alec took a deep breath. His hands balled into fists. “Are you not happy?” He asked me, his eyes full of worry, concern, sincerity I knew I didn’t deserve.

“This again…” I muttered as I thought back to last night’s conversation with the mysterious man.

”Erika?”

I jumped. “Sorry,” I told Alec, scratching the back of my head, “I got a bit lost in my thoughts there,” I said. “I guess I’m just tired.”

“Oh,” Alec laughed again. “My bad, you want to take a nap?”

I sigh. “It’s… not that kind of tired, Alec.”

His expression of joy instantly dropped.

I felt sick to my stomach. It didn’t feel right speaking of this to him. It would be a waste of time, and it would only make the both of us feel terrible, no matter how many questions one may ask another — we are all powerless in the face of invisible monsters.

I regretted my words.

But it was already too late.

"What kind of tired is it?" he asked me.