I actually got into wrestling through super geeky means that aren’t even close to how I was probably supposed to. Did I go to an arena as a young child, captivated by the lights and spectacle and muscles?

Nope. I sat in my cousin’s room in front of his PlayStation 2.

He had some game called WWE Smackdown: Here Comes the Pain. Despite the absurdly long title, I loved every minute of it. Soon, there was no one who could beat me in it. That is until some new girl moved down the street. She loved wrestling, both real and virtual. And she was cute.

When it came to the game, you had to have a favorite to use. Your ‘main,’ as I think the fighting game folks call it. Mine was always Edge or Rey Mysterio. I was a sucker for a badass longcoat and a masked high-flyer. But that neighbor girl, Gwen, went all the way with Randy Orton and Triple H, which was kind of cheating, considering they were both overpowered A.F.

When it came to the actual stuff on TV, you could have a whole other favorite. If our Smackdown mains didn’t give it away, we both had a type. I loved the smaller guys who had the actual ability to wrestle, obvi, but Gwen always loved the heartthrobs and buff dudes with the bods and pretty looks.

Naturally, our overall favorite guy fit somewhere right in the middle: The Heart Break Kid, Shawn Michaels.

By the time we saw goold ol’ Haich Bee Kay in action, he was in his later years. Gwen always said something about his dad bod was always hot, which I never denied, but really?

Michaels was never the biggest trash talker, but even still, we would quote his best lines for days.

“It seems I’ve…lost my smile.”

“Who’s your daddy, Montreal?”

“Eat your heart out girls, hands off the merchandise!”

“I’ll give you the greatest show like you’ve never seen before! Why? Because I can!”

God, just remembering it all is a rush. Yeah, we loved watching that dude. The way he’d drum up a crowd with just a few stomps, then decapitate some poor sap with his finishing move – a superkick that was the greatest in the history of the universe. So great, I completely aped it for my act because how could anyone top The Showstopper?

The biggest reason the two of us loved him, though, was the fact that he broke his back and wasn’t even supposed to walk again, but he came back to not just walk, but freakin’ wrestle. In that time away from the ring, he even weaved himself a born-again Christian narrative that helped him get over drugs for good measure. That part was super important to Gwen’s parents.

We watched every match we could, eating up every last morsel of his career. Eventually, his involvement was no longer necessary and we lapped up all of pro wrestling as a whole. We went back and watched all the larger than life characters from way back in the 80s to now. All the while, Gwen and I did everything together.

We learned to hit suplexes perfectly in training bras. We realized some of the blood on our clothes came from a ‘monthly visitor’ and not beating the tar out of each other.

But then we started having…different interests.

I got really into anime. She got really into fashion. I tried, but wound up just following a bunch of cosplayers on Instagram. She kept moving on to applying perfect make-up. I just kept learning moves. I thought maybe she’d given up on that part. But then Gwen asked to try a move on me while she wore high heels.

She was always cute. She had become the hottest chick in class. I was gonna let her try anything on me.

Unfortunately, wrestling in high heels is extremely difficult, even for pros. Naturally, she showed a small chink in her perfect armor and fell on top of me. We both laughed it off, I more out of fear than anything. But she stayed. She talked.

“Guess my Elle Woods-as-a-wrestler gimmick needs reworking, huh?”

“’What, like its hard?’” I tried to be as smartass as I could to blow the whole thing off. But she was into it.

“Nothin’ is impossible because I am the Showstopper, the Heart Break Kid, the Main Event!”

We laughed. I mean, how could we not; it was a great bit. I don’t remember if anyone said anything after that. All I can remember next was staring into Gwen’s eyes. They were jewels. Maybe she had just learned how to apply highlighter, but she seemed to be glowing.

Then, she kissed me. My best friend who I had had a crush on since I laid on eyes on her kissed me.

I kissed back. We kept at it. But then she stopped. She stopped cold. She left without much of a good-bye.

After that, we kinda lost touch. She added me on Facebook and Twitter and Insta, but she never really talked or commented. I’d like all her posts, but never heard much back. I’d see her in the hallway and I’d get a small smile, but nothing else. I wonder if she even saw me with this damn belt.

She’s supposed to at least pretend to care about everything in the school. I’m supposed to get everyone to care about every move my division makes.

Some President she is. Some champion I am.