When you open your eyes, you find the kid looking down at you. Which is weird, because you don’t even remember falling asleep in the first place.

You groan.

“Why am I here?” You ask, recalling your last moments with Matthew and feeling like utter shit about them. You can’t stop thinking about his scars, his closed off expression.

He doesn’t reply.

maybe that’s my unfinished business

“Why am I allowed to stay?” You ask instead and he seems to react at that. You’re still on the floor and he’s sitting right next to you, but you make no move to sit up or anything.

“Maybe you’re a special case,” he says and you frown. You’ve never ever recalled being called special before. If there’s one thing you are is ordinary.

And it’s okay, it never bothered you anyway.

“That’s sad,” he says, catching your thoughts, he doesn’t sound exactly sad though. “But you are now. Not every soul can stay this long.”

“A month is not long,” you say, remembering what the voice said.

“Yes, it is.” The kid stands, and you feel awkward having to look at him like this, so you sit up, feeling tired. “Usually you’ve got hours. It’s unlikely that you get more than one day.”

You stare at the wall instead, feeling ashamed. You don’t know why.

Why did you of all people deserve one month?

“Maybe it’s a mistake,” you stammer, remembering Matthew again, how you made him feel. How he’s obligated to help you when he doesn’t want to.

His scars again.

“You love someone so much. That’s not a mistake, not in this case.” You want to say something, but the words won’t come out of your mouth. “It should have faded away by now, it always does.”

“It didn’t fade away,” you repeat, “Is that why I’m allowed on earth a whole month?”

He looks at you, not replying.

“I’ve got one last question.” You say instead, trying to think the reply of the other question on your own. “Why Matthew?”

“Some coincidences are delightful.” He says, grinning, showing his missing teeth.

Yeah, right, someone who just died ending up trapped with someone who has tried to die.

Okay, whatever.

“Such a useful…” You start. “I don’t even know what you are.”

He hums in thought, but doesn’t reply.

“You need to come back now, don’t fret.”

“I’m not fretting, I just-” and it all goes blank.

When you wake up, you’re back at Matthew’s house again.

***

You miss Liz the most. She had style and a bright smile, hipster glasses and she did a cute gesture with her hair when she laughed. She never got mad at anything or anyone.

She still hugged you when you failed a test in pairs you didn’t study for.

Mary was the smartest one. She had a quick mind, but she was also very kind. She always complimented your hair and clothes even though you knew you were a mess. She had gorgeous blue eyes and an easygoing nature. She should have been an artist, but her parents made her go to Uni and every morning she used to doodle on your notes.

She didn’t hold them any grudges.

Carmen was the funniest one, once she made a joke at lunch and you snorted juice all over your food. She only liked classical music and she loved animals. She had freckles and you had to catch up with her, because she walked really fast.

She had brackets since last year and she hated them, but you thought she looked cute.

They were all so special and you know it sounds sappy, but they were.

You laughed with them and you cried and they made you feel like the luckiest person in the world.

But you never told them that, did you?

You can’t believe there will be no more lunches and no more study nights and no more ugly selfies.

Nothing else.

What’s the last thing you posted on Facebook? What was your last picture? The last song you heard? Your last words to your mom?

It wasn’t supposed to end this way.

***

When you went back this time, a day and a half had passed.

Matthew didn’t even seem surprised to see you, and you can’t help but feel guilty at the bandage on his arm. He acted like the incident the other day hadn’t happened though.

And now, you’re hoping that maybe if he gets to know you better, he’ll like you.

Matthew’s eyes are glued to his computer, just scrolling down on that blue internet platform you can’t remember the name of. You don’t mind, you’re sitting on the top of his closet, after deciding his bed was probably a bad choice.

Gone is the pensive mood and now you can’t stop talking, like it’s the only way it’ll keep your mind from wandering off to some really dark places.

“... which was really funny, ‘cause-”

You stayed in silence at first, when you came back, but now you want to talk to someone, you miss it.

“You talk an awful lot about them,” he interrupts. You close your mouth, trying not to mind how rude it sounds to your ears, even if it’s kind of true.

“I... “

“You talk more about Liz though,” he says, eyes still on the screen. “I’d say that you like her if I didn’t…”

He hums a thought, catching a picture of a painting he likes apparently, saving it.

gonna use it for reference for you hear him think, the rest muffled for another thought, words meddling in his head.

You don’t speak, feeling caught. You haven’t told Matthew anything different from what you’ve said to other people, were you that obvious all the time?

Oh shit.

There’s silence for a few seconds and as he turns to look at you, you can actually see the realization hitting his eyes. You look the other way, embarrassed.

“You like her?” Matthew turns his chair fully, eyes glinting for a second, seeming interested and surprised and eager to embarass you. It’s not often you see him like this, and for a moment you almost don’t recognize him. “Like really like her?”

“Shut up,” you say immediately, trying not to let your features show how embarrassed you actually are. “What are you, a kid?”

But before you can tease him a bit more, he turns his chair again, going back to the screen. On the reflection, you catch that guarded expression on his face again, your smile fades a little.

You never told anyone about Liz. Partially because you thought the feeling would go away soon and partially because you had the belief that loves ruines good friendships so…

But now that you’re dead, you wished you would have told her sooner, to know if she liked you back… to hear what she thought about it too, to share just that one awkward moment and then everything could turn right.

You regret not telling that one little thing the most.

***

Right now though, maybe Matthew’s right. He didn’t exactly sign up for this and you still don’t know why he’s putting up with it, and you are talking too much. Still, maybe you’re being a little unfair.

And a bit annoying too.

“Tell me about you,” you say after a while, as he’s pouring himself water in the kitchen.

“Why can’t you just read my mind?” He says, sounding a bit angry and you try not to sigh. You’re trying your best to like him, after all. You follow him to his room, hoping to get him to at least tell you something.

“It doesn’t work that way,” you reply confidently and he frowns at you, “I think so.”

“How does it work then?” He asks, closing his eyes.

“Well, I think it has to do with-” You frown. “Wait a second, you’re avoiding the question. Just answer me.”

Matthew takes a deep breath and then goes back to his chair.

“No.”

You’d usually insist, but something in his expression tells you to stay quiet for a while.

It doesn’t last as long as he’d want to.

“Anyway, Liz-” You start.

Matt groans, covering his face.

“Enough,” He says. “Enough with Liz. She’s effeminate, perfect and her smile is brighter than the sun. I get it.”

And back to feeling guilty you are. You stumble for words, your chest tight.

“It’s so cheesy, you’re in love, she doesn’t have any flaws. Blah blah.”

You don’t talk for the rest of the day.

***

It isn’t until late late that night, when Mathew’s on his bed, dozing off, and you’re stuck on the what could have been, that you hear a faint whisper.

“My dad died three years ago.”

And your chest goes tight again for a whole different reason now.