-Yoru-

"You what?" was all I could mouth. Hiro's confession was the last thing I needed at that moment. I was still trying to process how on earth did we end up having such an intense make out session just minutes ago. I was acting like it didn't matter to me, but God knows how hard I was trying to understand what I actually wanted from Hiro. If what he said was true, I basically had two options.

Option one; tell him that I only see him as a friend.

Option two; accept his feelings and see what happens next.

"I said that I like you." he repeated. He seemed so serious when he said it and that's when I came to realize that he's not messing around. He needed an answer. I couldn't deny the fact, that kissing him had been... oddly satisfying. Hiro made me want more from him and that was a first for me. It definitely was a feeling that I wanted to experience more. Though I couldn't bring myself to decide if I really wanted to risk our friendship.

"Do you mean that you want me to be your boyfriend? Like, for real?" I asked as my response to his unexpected confession. I could tell that another question was not the answer he wanted to recieve, because he suddenly looked really dejected and he was no longer looking me in the eyes.

"Uhm... depends. Is it bad if I do?" he replied. He managed to force a smile again and I thought that it was really unfair how even a forced smile made him look ten times more attractive than he already was.

"I... I don't know," I paused. "I mean... I think I like you too but... I don't know if it's the same kind of "like" as yours. I've never thought about going out with a guy."

"At least go on one date with me? Just one date, and then think about it," he suggested. "Please?" I didn't know how it could even be possible to say no to him when he had that look on his face. His cheeks were blushing and he was still unable to meet my gaze.

"Maybe a simple date won't change that much between us. Plus, will you please stop looking at me like a little lost puppy? I wanna kiss you again, dammit," I thought to myself. I was on the verge of saying yes, when my mom suddenly appeared on the door.

"Awh, you're leaving already, Hiro? How are you boys doing?" she said turning to face me.

"We were studying, mom. And, yes, Hiro is leaving," I replied while giving Hiro the "I'll-text-you-later" face. Yes, such a face exists, okay? Hiro just nodded and waved us goodbye, before whispering an almost-silent "I won't sleep until you text me" too close to my face. I got goosebumps in the thought of my mother noticing, but she was luckily already making her way to her bedroom. I locked the door and quickly went upstairs, before shouting an "I'm going to sleep," loud enough for my mom to hear. I opened the messaging app, waiting for the little bubbles next to Hiro's name to appear. After about five minutes later, they did.

"So?" was what popped up. I decided that I didn't want to play dumb. I also didn't want to ignore him. I was already mentally exhausted, but I tried to analyze the situation, in order to give him an answer that would not be irrational. What would be the right answer though? I literally knew next to nothing about relationships. Let alone gay relationships, since I only recently found out would interest me. One part of me was scared to explore this relationship any further, but I would lie if I said I wasn't at all curious.

A minute or two passed, and I decided to do some research on the web. As expected, I couldn't seem to find anything too interesting that would make me understand if there was something more to this curiosity of mine. Gay relationships are just like any other anyway. To settle this once and for all, I lastly typed the one thing that I never thought I'd be researching for; "gay porn". I was a bit skeptical before I hit "enter" and I looked around to make sure that mom wouldn't make an appearance in my room anytime soon. Then I got my headphones and closed the door.

"To heck with it! At least I'll understand what I want," I thought. I clicked on the first result and waited for the video to load. Then I saw two very masculine guys going at it right from the start. To be honest, it turned me off in the least. I clicked on another video, which turned out to be a very hardcore threesome and I couldn't even make myself watch one minute of it. "Maybe that's not for me then," I sighed. The only thing I managed to do is make me even more confused. I knew that I definitely felt something with Hiro but maybe it wasn't enough to make me want to be in a romantic relationship with him. I was about to give up and go to sleep without answering him, but I knew I'd feel extremely quilty afterwards, so I gave in and clicked on one last video. I chose it because the guys on the thumbnail looked closer to my age and their bodies didn't look so unrealistically ripped. I guess I didn't find macho guys attractive after all. When the video started, two guys were sitting on a bed, slowly making out and undressing each other. The pace was slow but they already seemed out of breath. Then they unhurriedly started touching each other and gradually going faster, increasing their touching and panting. Before long, they were doing the infamous "69" and before I even realized, I got hard.

Fuck.