I think…I think I’m going to die.

I wondered how many hours passed after my asshole of a step-father had beaten me up. To be honest, I don’t probably care anymore. I had been lying down on the cold floor every single day of my life, my body filled with cuts and bruises.

I stared out of the window covered with tattered curtains. It’s so dark in here even though I knew it’s still bright outside.

I tried moving my hands but I just couldn’t anymore.

I feel so tired.

I closed my eyes and bit my lip to stop myself from crying because I knew that even if I cry a river, no one would save me from this life.

It wasn’t like this before. We were once a happy family. Jon, my step-father was a man with warm smiles, often laughing and making our cramped, little apartment we call house a better place to live in. He was a great man and me and my mother loved him for accepting us even though we don’t have anything.

When my father died because of lung cancer (bless his soul) he left us devastated and broken. It took a lot of years for mom and I to move on. My mom wasn’t the brightest bulb in the world but she’s extremely hard-working and dedicated. She took care of us, loved us and gave us everything that we needed.

But after dad died she just lost all the life in her. She stopped working, succumbing over depression. It affected our life and eventually, she lost her job. I tried my very hardest to survive my family. I worked part-time jobs to earn money and to get us by on the daily basis. Good thing mom realized how I was suffering from everything. She picked herself back up, regained her old job as an office worker and had found a man who would mend her broken heart. I was reluctant at first upon meeting Jon but I warmed up to him soon since I couldn’t see anything bad about him. He was sweet, gentle and compassionate.

Everything was going well, right? Father died, mom got depressed, we suffered and then mom finally stood back up again, met a wonderful prince charming who saved us from our miserable fate, we became a happy family, blah blah blah blah blah.

How I wish my life would have been easy as that. But of course fate just had to be a bitch. My lovely mom died and kaput, everything got fucked up again. My step-father turned out to be a sadistic asshole. It’s been two and a half years since my mom died and it’s been like this. Step-douche-father gets home from work, beats me up for dinner, drink, smoke, sleep and repeat the same steps the next morning.

You might be asking why I’m enduring this crap. Well, thanks to my mom who told me her last wish was to take care of Jon the asshole because we only got each other as family. Stupid me promised to fulfill her dying wish. Even though I wanted to get out and leave my step-father, somehow deep inside me, I couldn’t. It was as if mom would curse me or something…

I know it’s a stupid thought. My mom might wanted me to leave Jon and his sorry ass to live a better life but I feel bad for the guy. Every night he would drown his sorrows with alcohol, wailing and calling for mom. He’s taking his frustration out on me.

I sighed. My life was nothing out of the ordinary. I’m sure thousands of teenagers were also in the same boat as I am. This kind of situation doesn’t make me special but sometimes, in the middle of the night where I lie down on my shitty-looking bed, I wish life could have been better. For me, for mom, for dad, for Jon, for everyone.

I let the pain of my body lull me to sleep, silently praying to see my mom and dad again.

Tomorrow morning, I woke up exceptionally early like I always do to escape my step-fathers morning rage. I bathed, dressed myself and walked out of the apartment to go to school.

Through my journey to what they call a place for education where young people were thought to have a better future, note the sarcasm, I noticed the hole in my shoes. I’ve been wearing this since freshmen years and I guess wearing this for three years without rest, it finally gave up on me.

I grunted in annoyance. I still have a year to go before I graduate high school, damn it.

I needed new shoes. I wouldn’t survive school if I continue to wear this.

I took my phone out, sending a message to Alyssa, the owner of the family restaurant I’m currently working for. I asked her if I could get my payment in advance. Tucking my phone back to my jean pockets, I tugged the strap of my bag and continued my way to Saint Mary Immaculate school.

Entering the classroom, I immediately noticed a group of girls near my desk. They were oblivious to my presence and as usual, I ignored them like I do everyday. I put my bag down, ignoring the fact that one of them accidentally nudged me with her elbow on the back.

I sat on the chair, silently waiting for the bell to ring.

“Have you read the post in North Vale’s page?”

My ears perked upon hearing the infamous school in the country. From what I have heard and read from social media, North Vale was a school specifically for the delinquent students in the Philippines. I’m not really familiar with North Vale but it’s a scary place ruled by gangs and the syndicate.

Once you’re sent there, your life might as well end. It’s like you’re going to enter a jungle where you have no choice but to survive until the end of graduation.

It’s the survival of the fittest there. That school’s untouchable due to the influence of the syndicate and knowing how corrupt the Philippines was, I’m sure a couple of money would make any politicians look away from the heinous things the school was doing.

But another famous rumor from North Vale was that almost everyone studying there looks amazingly good. That’s why it’s famous especially with the girls in every schools. Several pages and blogs were dedicated to North Vale and there were even famous students going there such as…

“Hiro! He’s trending again!”

Hiro Blaise. One of the famous student going to North Vale. He was known not only for his amazingly good looks but his grades were top tier against the prominent schools in the whole country. Even when he’s attending an infamous school known to its delinquent students, he’s still a heartthrob and almost everyone had a crush on him.

“What’d Hiro do?!” the girl behind me asked excitedly.

“He was seen in SM yesterday with a girl,” someone answered, her voice sounded dejected. “Look, here she is.”

“Wow…I hate to admit it but she’s pretty.”

“Yeah and Hiro look so freaking handsome!”

I rolled my eyes while listening to their endless chat about Hiro. I know how deprived they were of him since students of North Vale were not allowed to leave the school without permission. Outside people were also not allowed to enter North Vale, for security purposes, obviously.

I’m not sure where North Vale’s located at. I’m guessing it’s somewhere far away from civilization. Its location wasn’t really out for the public to know. They’re keeping it a secret like it’s some kind of exclusive military camp or something.

“I wonder what he’s doing here in Manila though?”

“I’m sure it’s to see this chick!”

“Aaaaagh, damn it! Why can’t I be his girlfriend!”

They all laughed out loud.

“Bad boys like him like bad girls too.”

“No! Bad boys like good girls, you know that!”

The bell finally rang, signaling that everyone should go to the gym to assemble for our morning prayer. I reluctantly took my prayer book with me, tucking my handkerchief inside my pocket before getting out of the room together with my other classmates.

I was too preoccupied in thinking what to cook for dinner that I didn’t even see the usual bullies who were going down the stairs as well. One of them intentionally stretched their leg to make me trip and because I’m fat and slow, I easily succumbed to their trivial way of harassing me.

They all roared in laughter as they watch me fall down on the steps, making a loud squeaking noise out of pain. Students who were making their way to the hall snickered at how pathetic I was.

In such a short span of time, I got surrounded by everyone, giving me those judging eyes. Some held pity in it, some held disgust.

I was a freak show in school, the entertainment of everybody. Never did I go to school without getting bullied. They would call me names associated with pigs because of my obesity and the natural ugly look I had doesn’t really help my situation.

It was exhausting, I wouldn’t lie. I’m being abused back at my home too, I definitely don’t need this kind of treatment here in school.

I go to a Catholic school and one would think that bullying doesn’t exist in this place.

But they were wrong.

This school was far worst.

They pray and worship God and yet the do evil things to their peers.

What a bunch of hypocrites.

The teachers and the sisters doesn’t give a shit about it. They chose to ignore my suffering, saying that I was a lost cause.

I hated every single day of my life.

“Hey, pork belly!” a guy in my class called, pulling me up so that he could throw me against the wall, “stop getting in our way with that big body of yours!”

Another roar of laughter.

They began to leave since the second bell rang, signaling that everyone should be in the hall already for the morning prayers.

Instead of going, I went to the bathroom. I wasn’t in the mood to pray right now.

I locked the door and walked to the sink to wash my scraped elbow which I got from falling down the stairs.

Looking up in the mirror, I saw my hideous face. Black messy hair, dark eye bags, pale cheeks filled with freckles, big and chapped lips, I’m the very definition of ugly.

I tore my gaze away from my reflection.

“You’re so cute, Paige! Mama and papa loves you so much!”

I snorted in mockery.

You’re such a liar mom.

I couldn’t see anything cute nor good-looking in front of me.

I was eating my lunch in isolation, like I always do everyday. If God really do exists, He would let me eat in silence without anyone disturbing me but --

“Oh my god! Is that what you’re eating, pig?!”

I turned to the side and saw a group of girls from the other class, smirking and laughing at me.

“No wonder you’re such a pig! You eat a lot!”

“I know right! That’s like 10,000 calories, gross!”

“Damn, how can you eat all that without taking a shit?!”

I just gave them a dead stare.

Was it my fault that I got so hungry that I needed 5 times of serving?

“Ack! You’re gonna die sooner or later.”

“Good riddance, right?”

They all laughed and I couldn’t help but sigh in my mind. Averting my eyes away from their faces, I focused my attention back to the food I was eating.

But it disappeared in front of me, only to realize someone took it. I got up, letting the fall chair behind me.

“Give that back!”

The guys who were bullying me early this morning, joined with the girls from the other class. I watched in horror when the guy holding my lunch poured it on the ground, throwing the plate down along with it before giving me a glare and a smirk.

“Pigs like you should eat on the floor, right?!”

“Totally!”

I clenched my fists in anger.

That food costs me a hundred and fifty pesos, damn it! And how dare they disrespect food like that?!

I glared back at the guy who wasted my lunch. He saw it and he didn’t like it.

“What?! What’re you gonna do about it, huh, pig?! Come on, eat it on the floor!”

I backed away from them when they began closing in.

This wouldn’t be the first time this would happen. To force me to eat on the ground like what pigs do.

This was beyond humiliating.

Why were they doing this to me? What did I even do to these people? I’m just trying to live my life normally, to graduate and find someone who would love me for who I am.

I struggled against their holds but it was futile. I’m all fat, not muscles. Besides, there were three of them pushing me on the ground, forcing me to gobble the food as the girls watched while taking videos in their phones.

Tears escaped my eyes but I couldn’t do anything about it.

I may be big but there’s a lot of them compared to me.

Even if I fight back, there’s no use.

There’s no use.