We do not bang in the car, because it is not my car. I am better than that. Cheekbones is better than that. We are polite adults who recognize that it is important to respect other people's property. As it is, we get to the school for things that go bump in the night, and we get there looking like we had a hell of a time following traffic regulations.

We also take initiative to break down several doors. Drama is the spice of life.

"--three!"

Cheekbones busts down the door to the locked classroom. Very thoughtful, he flicks on the lights for me because necromancers can't see in the dark.

I stare at the circle of vampires and they stare back at me. Like everyone else at Petey's funeral, they too are attractive and dressed like they're paid for it. I'm getting déjà vu. Cheekbones growls in front of me. I get a Pavlovian reaction.

"Hand over the dead body and you won't get hurt," I demand, voice hoarse, a beat late.

The vampires closest to us move away as we both step inside.

Petey's hands fold over his bungee-corded stomach. His head lies on the lap of a gorgeous female vampire dressed head to toe in a white power suit. He looks at peace and not frothing at the mouth to deny his involvement.

I stop. I can see the headlines now. "Petey A.'s dead," I utter, in complete horror.

Cheekbones whips his head around to stare at me, half-betrayed. "We just made out in the middle of a busy hallway to bribe the sex demon hall monitor," he says, voice tinged with hurt. "How's that not PDA?"

Before I can reassure him that's not what I meant, Hot Lawyer Vampire interrupts by clearing her throat.

She runs her long, sharp and red fingernails through Petey's disgusting grease locks. It's as if she doesn't mind what being dead does to his follicles. "So you've come, corpseraiser. My name is Lilith, and I am resident vampire queen in this town." Her eyes gleam, entrancing. She raises her other hand and beckons me forward with a curled finger. "Will you join us?"

"Yes," I say, taking a step forward. Wait, why am I saying yes?

Cheekbones hits my shoulder and yanks me back. "Don't fall for her hypnotism," he hisses. "That's how she kills people. She's evil. Why is she even in a high school classroom?"

"Don't be jealous just because our recruitment is doing much better than yours," Lilith says, tone mild, as if that doesn't have creepy trafficking implications.

Then she hisses, reeling.

"You flea-bitten mutt," she shrieks. Privy to her mood, the vampires around us sprout longer claws and elongate their canines. "You dare?" 

When I look, Cheekbones has two wooden stakes out. He also has his own claws and his werewolf fangs matching suit. He growls at her. "I'll dare all I want in a room full of stinking bloodsuckers," he snaps.

"Where were you keeping these?" I ask, stupefied, because we got handsy in the car and I didn't feel anything except him happy to see me. Cheekbones tosses me one of the stakes. I look at him in greater interest. "Your jeans are too tight. Your shirt is too tight. Your jacket--"

"Trade secret." Cheekbones winks at me. And then glares at the vampire. "Now give us the corpse."

"I prefer you hand over your wood," the vampire queen says, eyes narrowing. "And I'll consider letting you live."

Cheekbones snarls. "Over my dead--"

"Babe." I stretch my hand out for the other one. "Give it to me."

Cheekbones looks thrilled about his first pet name. He also looks nervous about giving me his one-hit-kill weapon against vampires, but he gives it to me anyway. "What are you going to do with it?" he asks, as I walk forward.

"Trust me."

A few vampires half-crouch, cautious and at the ready. I saunter on by.

"Who wants to be staked?" I ask, in my usual casual modus operandi. I give a wicked grin. "I'm free all night and two more."

"Don't play around, corpseraiser," Lilith snaps, her eyes on the stakes. She lifts her hand, twisting it at the wrist for her already long nails to grow sharper. "They're loyal to only me. Hand them over or I won't be so nice."

I brandish the vampire kill sticks. "If you give me Petey."

"No," Lilith says, sweet, and then lashes out. The wind pressure alone shoots the wooden stakes out of my hands, leaving my fingers pulsing and half numb.

Two heavy thunks hit out. When I look over my shoulder, they've both embedded themselves on the walls behind us. The vampires around us clap politely like this is a formal function. Cheekbones looks livid.

"Plan B," I say, immediately turning around. "Nice to meet you and all." I don't wait for Lilith to respond. I bend down, grab Petey around the waist, and make a break for it.

I've pulled Petey half off her lap before Lilith digs her claws into his sides, halting my maneuver. "What do you think you're doing?"

My grip tightens, even when I stumble slightly. "I ripped him, I own him."

"Hmm, let me think?" Smiling pretty, Lilith digs her claws deeper. "I killed him, I do."

She's the killer. I change tactics. I use both hands and wrap an elbow around his neck and head, and try to signal to Cheekbones with desperate head jerks. "Give me-" she's not budging- "-my corpse."

Lilith makes it a point to yawn behind one hand, fluttering her eyelashes.

"Pretty - uhgh - please-" Cheekbones rushes to shoo my hands away and takes my place. "Thanks so much. Keep it up." Cheekbones beams at me and my praise. Then he whips his head around to snarl at Lilith.

"Give us the body," Cheekbones demands as I try to regain circulation in my hands. He blanches suddenly. "Is--is that highlighter? What's the point of highlighter when you look like you belong in a haunted house?"

Lilith's smile freezes. Her upper lip curls. She yanks Petey back closer to her side. "Oh?" She arcs a well crafted eyebrow at him, but her expression is stiff. "I'm not the one who looks like he lives in a circus."

Cheekbones, unimpressed, rolls his eyes. He wrenches Petey to his side. "I'm not the one who plagiarized the Clown Collection. What are you planning on doing with a corpse anyway? Practice?"

"Shut up, you insufferable fur-ball!" Lilith seethes, jerking Petey back. Cheekbones has clearly hit a nerve. "I killed him. What I do with the body is my business."

"It's not like you can have sex with him, you old - hag -" Cheekbones snaps. One set of claws punctures holes into Petey's face. Cheekbones latches his others into Petey's chest for leverage. It is getting very tense here in the Supernatural Roast Tug-of-War. "None of your equipment works."

"And you're so sure necromancers prefer a working engine?" Lilith rams her nails right into the back of Cheekbones's hand. "Talk to me again in a thousand years, brat."

Cheekbones howls. He lets go of Petey completely.

Not expecting the immediate slack, Lilith falls back. Petey almost flies out of her hands, but she manages to catch him by his ears and catches his head.

Something pops out like a cork from a bottle. Glass breaks right after.

Lilith holds onto Petey's head. And only his head.

A moment of silence passes. I turn my head to stare at the broken window where Petey's body sans head went flying into the night at Mach 1. I look down at the shattered glass on the floor. I look up at everyone else in this room.

Cheekbones shrinks back. The vampire queen's eyes widen and her mouth opens and closes. She drops Petey's new decapitated head, and slowly stands up.

"It's not my fault," she says.

I stare at the head lying on the floor. Petey's unseeing eyes stare back at me.

In my peripherals, the vampires around us take this chance to inch slowly out the doorway. They close the door behind us with a polite snap before anyone speaks again.

"It's not my fault," the vampire queen repeats, as I continue to stare at my cousin's head. That's all that's left of him. "If your werewolf hadn't--"

I look up, scarily calm even to myself. Lilith takes a step back and snaps a heel. She falls on her ass.

I start walking closer. She scoots and pedals backwards.

"It's not my fault, you know." Lilith looks at me with disdain, but she still puts one hand in front of her face in defence. "Who asked you to--"

I knock her hand aside. I hold out Petey's head, which now only functions as either a paperweight or a bowling ball. "Look at this," I say. "If you don't tell me everything, I will be very unhappy and this will be you next. I can do that under the revenge code, and you know it." And I will.

Her mouth presses together. Lilith contemplates her options. She looks at my face, looks at Petey's, and decides she'd rather have hers on her shoulders. "It's my fault," she says. "I killed him."

I pull Petey's head away. "Why'd you kill him?"

"He's a dead man walking. His blood is poisonous to us."

Wait. Before I'd revived him, Petey had only died for the first time. This doesn't add up.

"Did you send the note?" She nods. "Okay. And you killed him when he came looking for you?" She nods. "What about the first time? Did you kill him when he was alive?" She shakes her head.

I frown.

"I know who did," Lilith says.

"What? Who?"

"Him," the vampire queen says, and points one broken nail at Cheekbones.