TO: TSU

FROM: AKI

I know I already texted you this morning, but I wanted to tell you again that I hope you have a great birthday today!! You deserve it~ Welcome to the adult world <3 <3

...That shouldn’t be too mushy, right?

Whatever. I can be mushy today. I tap send and smack my phone back onto the table before I can regret anything. My father looked up from his spot across the table, pausing his mindless scrolling on the phone that’s too big for him.

“Did you finally realize that you’ll be late for school?” he asked.

“I’m not gonna be late,” I shoveled a giant spoonful of sugary cereal into my mouth, trying not to focus on the flavor, “That’ll be you if you don’t eat your food. It’s gonna get cold.”

He looked down at the plate in front of him and frowned, “So how come I get eggs and you don’t?”

“I’m in a hurry.”

“That’s my cereal you’re eating. It’s not fair.”

Of course it was his cereal. It’s the only food he’s ever bought for himself.

If someone were to walk into our cramped kitchen right now, they’d see the odd coupling of a girl waiting for the world to become a better place and a man who was nothing but a withered shell of his former self. I knew he was more than that. My father was strong enough to hold onto himself when things turned against him, but just weak enough to lose almost everything else in the process. After dropping out of high school, getting a job, losing that job, getting married, losing that marriage, caring for a daughter, being unable to care for himself… It can do a lot to a person. It made his joints weak, his mind simple, and his heart disjointed. He was trying to pick himself up, sure, but could you really call spreading yourself thin between mediocre community college classes and a graveyard shift at a stupid job healing? No, I didn’t think so.

If I was angry at the world, this man was exhausted from it. He looked like he hadn’t slept in years. It showed in the way he stared at the wall, thinking but not. His eyes glazed over as he stared at his phone, playing participant to social media sites and silly apps that made him feel like he was a part of something bigger.

He wasn’t.

I glared at him, “Dad. Eat.”

He looked back up from his phone again and glared back. He didn’t like to think that he was being taken care of. It was true, of course, but he still didn’t like it. He locked his phone and let it drop to the table, and allowed himself a bite of the food in front of him. All while keeping eye contact. When he swallowed he widened his eyes and his hands gave a sarcastic flourish. Was this what you wanted?

Like father like daughter.

I finished my bowl and got up to wash it in the sink. He continued eating. He must have realized he was hungry.

“Is there more cereal?”

“No, that was the last of it.”

He glared again, eyes narrowing. I recognized this look. What the hell, Akiko? What kind of daughter are you to finish the last of your father’s balanced breakfast?

“You don’t need it. That stuff’s bad for you,” I turned away from him, tired of the telepathic body-language stunt he was trying to push at me. I could hear his hand fall to the table, and a clink as something fell onto his now-empty plate.

“I didn’t raise you like this,” he muttered.

“Are you done? I’ll wash your plate for you.”

I felt a nudge on the small of my back, and turned to reach for the plate he was passing my way. He refused to look at me. He stared at the floor, watching the dust bunnies scuttle along the corners of the wall and escape under the fridge. I could see the bags under his eyes from this angle. They were big, and swollen, and disgusting. He looked much younger without them.

“When’s the last time we cleaned this place?” he asked mindlessly. He saw an unidentified object scuttle across the floor to join the dust and froze, trying his best not to squirm.

“I swept last night.”

“No, when did we really clean this place.”

He turned to look at me, arching a greying eyebrow. He thought he was funny. Jerk. I scowled and turned back to the sink, banging on the faucet a few times so the water could start flowing out properly. If he really wanted to clean the place, he could do it for himself for a change.

I know he wouldn’t. He didn’t have the time for it. Still, I could dream.

“I’ll be coming home late tonight,” I said, rinsing the food off the tableware and letting them soak for the day, “I’ve got a lot of stuff to do.”

“Don’t change the subject—”

“But I’m afraid I have to, dear father. I can’t be late for school,” I step back to my chair and gather the things I left on the table. Pencil pouch, check. Homework, kind of done but sure, we’ll call that a check. Bag’s hanging on the chair, check. And phone—

TO: AKI

FROM: TSU

Thank you!! ^^ What did I do to deserve such a wonderful friend like you! You make me blush!!! >///<

We’re still meeting at the train station today, right? They changed the train schedule again so you better hurry <3

“Shit.”

“Who was it that said that they weren’t gonna be late for school?”

My father passed an evil grin my way.

“You could have told me that the schedules changed instead of being an ass about it,” I swung my bag over my shoulder and reevaluated my belongings. Phone, homework, earbuds, sword-

I need my sword.

I need my gear.

I rush into my room and find my wooden sword sprawled in the corner along with the rest of my gym clothes. I start piling as much as I can into my bag.

“So, what are you doing today that’s gonna keep you out so late?” I hear him ask through the hallway.

“You want to ask that now—?!" Crap, where’s my gloves??

“Of course I do, I’d like to know where you are in case something happens!”

There!

I crawl over to my desk and slide under to grab the rest of my things. Alright, gym clothes are good to go.

“Well?” he echoed again. He could at least find the energy to get up and talk to me instead of yelling that loudly.

“It’s Tsu- ACK—!” I hit my head on my desk, and pause a second to let the pain subside, “It’s Tsu’s birthday today, so I’ll be over at her place.”

“You okay?” Finally, his head peaks into the room, “That sounded like it hurt.”

“That’s because it did.”

“Ah.”

Ah indeed, dear father of mine.

I look around my room one last time, and I spot a small box at the corner of my bed, buried in blankets and clean clothes. Tsubaki’s present. I would have cursed myself the entire day if I left that behind.

“Are you sure you’ve cleaned up recently?” he leaned against my door and shoved his hands in his pockets as if I wasn’t in a hurry to leave. For a small second, I could see his old, confident, comfortable self reflect through his eyes. I like to think that the man he was before is still in there somewhere, waiting to come back and pick up where he left off. I like to think that the happy version of him didn’t leave with my mother all those years ago.

I really wished he hadn’t changed so much. But I guess everyone has to change at some point in their life, even if you don’t want them to.

“Will you be ok with dinner while I’m gone?” I ask him.

He sighs, “I’m not gonna set the house on fire or anything.”

“I’m not worried about that, I’m worried that you’ll eat all the ramen I’ve got stashed away. Please cook something. You’ll appreciate yourself more if you do.”

“Wait, you’ve stashed ramen somewhere?”

I smack him on the arm on my way out of my room, and he chuckles softly, following me. He thinks he’s joking, but I know he’s really not.

“I should be back by ten, but if things change I’ll try to call you, ok?”

“Yeah, I know.” He splits away from me and heads over to the couch. It’s his day off today. He’ll probably spend it watching TV.

“And sleep.”

“Ugh, it’s like you’re the parent here.”

“Please.”

We make eye contact for a brief moment. Him, sprawled out on the couch, already opening up some stupid game on his phone. Me, at the door, doing my best to prepare myself for whatever the day had waiting for me.

…

…

God, I worry about him so much.

Did he eat enough? When was the last time he slept? Or cleaned the house together? Or went outside to do something? When was the last meal he made for me, or the last time he waved me off to school? Where did all the time go?

When did he start to look so old?

When did I start looking at him like that?

I don’t know why I’m thinking this now. Why today of all days? We’ve been at this point for years, where we were all we had left of each other, and even then being a loving family of two never really worked out like it should.

But still.

“I love you.”

I felt like I hadn’t said it in a while.

He blinked, uncomfortable, and replied automatically, “I love you too.”

It sounded so easy to say. It really did.

But it wasn’t.

I slipped my shoes on and opened the door. I should have a few minutes until the train arrives. I can make it if I run.

“Don’t forget to do the laundry, okay? You promised.”

He sighed. Eyes glued to his phone.

“Ahh, right. Where would I be without you?”

I shrugged.

I’d rather not think of the answer to that.