My sister Margaret’s fiancé James was not happy with her religious changes when she, like Father, left the Anglican church and joined the Methodist one. It wasn’t just that matter; he didn’t think it respectable to have a wife who saw visions. She might, he said, be insane. Most of all, he was unhappy with the lowering of her dowry. I think the last was really what concerned him. He took back the engagement ring and left her for a richer young woman. So much for “love”!

As for me, I enjoyed flirting with pretty women when I was still in my early teens. I say women rather than girls, as those my own age didn’t appeal to me much and posed dangers I didn’t want to deal with. Parties and dances were frequent enough in the days before Father burned most of his fortune, and I was growing tall enough to catch some eyes. A woman—let’s say her name was Elana—who reminded me of my mother arranged a secret meeting with me in her home when her husband was away. From her I discovered much I had not known about the fairer sex, as well as about myself. I discovered some of the carnal pleasures decried in church, and I thought that if God was against them, it was one more thing I held against Him. But afterward, the woman laughed at my ignorance and said I had been a most inferior partner and should limit my physical activity to dancing—“if even that.” She refused to answer my questions, although I was understandably curious about many things. I was much angered at this treatment and wondered if there was some way I could get back at her. Again… so much for what the world calls love. The love of men and women wasn’t showing itself any better than the love people said God had for all. Nevertheless, although the “fairer sex” couldn’t be counted on to be fair, I enjoyed being with them for what I could get. I soon realized the practicality of Elena’s choice of a partner with blue eyes like her own, and I followed the same pattern, bedding married women who either resembled me, or whose husbands resembled me, for the same reason: If I should impregnate a married woman and the child resembled herself or her husband, people could assume the baby was theirs and not the result of an illicit affair. Elana wasn’t likely to be as unhappy with my behavior as she pretended, either. I came to learn that these elder women liked my young enthusiasm and didn’t always enjoy being with their husbands, who were often older than they.

My curiosity stretched beyond the secrets of the bedroom. I sometimes learned secrets about these women that could benefit me should I insist that they provide me with things I needed in exchange for my silence—thus I gained more time with them alone than they perhaps wanted and also money to add to my secret stash. Blackmail, I learned, was a surer source of profit than gambling.

I continued to keep my respectable front to the world. Dr. Pruitt provided me with a shack to live in on his property, giving me a certain amount of privacy.

Nathan, the churchman with the uncanny ability to see secrets, however, kept me on my toes. I couldn’t keep away from him, so I pretended to be his friend. He asked me to pray for God’s blessing on the next revival. I agreed. He also said another war was coming soon—a thought that didn’t surprise me. He asked me to pray about the war as well. Of course, I agreed to that as well.

Later, he returned when I was in a pious posture pretending to pray as he had asked. “Luke,” he said. “I have had a message from the Lord regarding you.”

I tried not to show my chagrin.

“My dear friend,” he said. “You will not always be at my side.”

Ah, I thought. Good news!

“In the next war… I heard the message that you will die.”

My eyes must have widened in shock.

“Luke,” he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. “Why fear an honorable death followed by eternity in the presence of your beloved Lord? There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, just as the scriptures say.”

He had to be wrong! After all, he hadn’t perceived my double life. He didn’t seem to even remember the day he had told me, “You are not what you seem.” If he remembered it at all, he may have thought it a positive impression of me!

But what if he was right? I determined to make sure it couldn’t happen. Another war was likely—even seemed inevitable—but I didn’t have to participate in it. I would find a way out—just in case.