“Ryan not coming to the company picnic?” Aaron asked as he and Dominic entered the park.

“Someone had to stay behind at the station,” Dominic responded. “Besides, he’s not a fan of the company picnic. Bad things always happen to him. Last year this guy sexually assaulted him.”

“What? Really?”

“Yeah. He claimed he tripped and was trying to grab something to break his fall.”

“Seems reasonable,” Aaron shrugged.

“This doesn’t break your fall,” Dominic pointed at his crotch.

“Oh.”

“And the year before that a spider bit him and he nearly lost his left thumb and the year before that he got food poisoning.”

“I’d stop coming, too.”

“Yep. Ryan would rather get poisoned, bit, and molested at work."

At the Tank N Tummy, Ryan was the only one in the store except for another man who was in a tan trenchcoat, matching fedora, and sunglasses. The man kept glancing at Ryan at the counter. Ryan kept looking at him too but just to make sure he didn’t steal.

The man came up to the counter and put down a small bottle of chocolate milk, a Hershey’s candy bar, and a couple of Slim Jims. Ryan rang up the man’s purchases. “Ryan Conrad? Are you aware of...the Snowcrash?”

Snowcrash? Ryan side-eyed the man. “No. $6.89, please.”

“Come with me. You need to learn about...the Snowcrash.”

“I can’t. I’m the only one here. I can’t leave my post.”

“You can either stay here and betray your country and species or come with me and help with something bigger than all of us,” the man said.

“I’ll stay here. You’re thing sounds hard and possibly dangerous.”

“You don’t want to become a hero to millions?”

“Sounds like a lot of pressure, man,” Ryan sighed.

“”I’ll change your mind, Ryan Conrad. I will be back to tell you about...the Snowcrash.”

“Sounds great. Looking forward to it,” Ryan smiled and waved.

Back at the picnic, the different stores were competing in a volleyball game. Currently playing was the Kasold store and the East 23rd store. Most of the employees at the East 23rd Street store were preppy frat boys who wore polos and khakis. Of the four stores--five if you count the Countryside location--East 23rd was Dominic’s next to least favorite location. His least favorite was the South Iowa Street store.

South Iowa was an abomination of a store, employees were a hodge podge of the worst the city had to offer. Rednecks and townies who felt they were the best thing ever. Dominic just wanted to beat them but he had to beat East 23rd and 15th first.

Dominic slammed the ball down in the game-winning spike. “Yeah! Suck it, 23rd Street!” The frat boys from East 23rd sneered at Dominic. One of them gave him the finger. “Aw, poor loser babies,” Dominic whined and faked cried.

“Are you feeling okay, Dominic?” Aaron asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just kickin’ butt and takin’ names.”

“I’ve just never seen you so...competitive.”

“I want to take down the South Iowa store,” Dominic said.

“Why?”

“‘Cause they’re dicks. They think they’re so hot and they’re so not.”

“Why do they think they’re hot?”

“Because they are the most profitable Tank N Tummy in the city and it’s only because everyone in the city drives by it at some point during the week. And they don’t even deserve that recognition. They don’t treat the customer, their store isn’t as clean, and the employees don’t even treat themselves with respect.”

“Since when did you become the Pope of the Tank N Tummy?”

“They’re just a bunch of townies and rednecks.”

“Aren’t you a townie?”

“Irrelevant. I need to hydrate.”

Back at the Tank N Tummy, the phone behind the counter rang. Ryan picked it up and answered. “Tank N Tummy - Northland. How can I help you?”

A steam ship horn sounded. “You’ve been selected to be a part of a very important mission helping you’re government,” a prerecorded voice began talking. “The Snowcrash is…”

“No,” Ryan said and started to put the phone down.

“Wait. Wait. Don’t hang up,” the man from earlier began talking. “What would it take to get you to learn about...the Snowcrash?”

“You might stop saying ‘Snowcrash’ in that weird way,” Ryan said. “But even then...no.”

“No, wait. All of humanity depends on you…” the man shouted as Ryan hung up the phone.

“Don’t we give our military hundreds of billions of dollars to deal with this stuff?” Ryan asked himself.

A woman came in and began browsing the shelves. She spent several minutes in the store but came up to the counter with only a box of condoms.”

“Anything else?” Ryan asked as he rang her up.

“Do you know anyone I could use these with?” the woman asked, flashing her eyes at Ryan.

“Sorry. The other guy I usually work with could’ve helped you with that.

“I was thinking, maybe, you could,” she smiled and puffed her chest out. “Think you could spare a few minutes?”

“I do,” Ryan gave the woman bedroom eyes. “Wait. Have you ever heard of...the Snowcrash?”

“No, of course not. What’s that?” the woman giggled.

“I knew it. Get out of here and take your condoms of lies with you,” Ryan huffed.

“We need you, Ryan Conrad,” the woman said, nearly pleading. “I am offering myself to you right now and giving you a promise of many other women you can have sexual congress with after...the Snowcrash.”

“Pass,” Ryan said. The woman grabbed the condoms, huffed, and stormed off leaving the store. “Nice try, mysterious government agent. Nice try.”

It was time for Kasold versus South Iowa in the volleyball tournament. “Angela, what are you doing sitting here? It’s time for our game against South Iowa,” Dominic asked one of the morning employees, an older, heavyset woman.

“It’s hot out here,” she complained.

“You wanted to be a part of the team, Angela, so be a part of the team,” Dominic growled.

“I don’t have to take this. I quit,” Angela folded her arms and turned away.

“You can’t quit now. We’re so close to beating the South Iowa store.”

“Who cares? It’s not like we get anything for doing that.”

“The self-satisfaction of being better than them should be enough of a reward,” Dominic said.

“Hey, Kasold,” someone from South Iowa snarked. “You ready?”

“Fine. Don’t play,” Dominic snarled at Angela. “We need one more for our team,” he shouted to the other Kasold employees but no one moved.

“If you don’t have the players then you forfeit,” the South Iowa employee said.

“Come on,” Dominic begged. “We just need one more player.” Still no one moved.

“Looks like you forfeit.”

“You’ll all live to regret this,” Dominic threatened.

“Come on, Dominic,” Aaron took his friend’s arm. “Let’s go.”

Dominic and Aaron went to the Tank N Tummy. Ryan was still behind the counter. “Hey, Ryan. How was everything today?” Aaron asked.

“Just a normal day. How was the picnic?”

“As terrible as it is every year,” Dominic answered.