There were birds chirping, and a soft breeze ghosted across Ruby’s face. Something smelled delicious- the delicate aroma of flowers, a whiff of amazing coffee and food- and she cracked one eye open.

She was in a shaded bower, heavy panicles of purple blossoms hanging around her as a fat bee clambered around a thickly twining vine covered in sunset-pink trumpets. She was on a soft chaise, with light blankets laid around her. Ruby prodded herself in the face to check to see if she was dreaming.

Light streamed down from a stained-glass roof, and a fountain burbled across the elaborate mosaic pathway. There was a flash of red and gold as small bright fish broke the surface of the water, darting between the lotus and lilies nodding throughout.

“What the fuck.” Ruby slowly sat up, her head pounding with the movement.

“Hey, sleeping beauty awakens.” Alice’s voice drifted through the leaves and she turned too quickly to see her. Alice held up a tray laden with pastry, fruits and small meats, with a carafe of what had to be the source of the glorious coffee smell. “So fun fact, Caim stress-cooks. And stress-crafts. And…” She set the tray down on a small lacquered table and sat down. “I sent Yusuf home with about thirty Tupperware containers. How you feeling?”

Ruby immediately grabbed a golden-orange grape and shoved it in her mouth. “The last thing I remember, we fought the guy from the bridge and I did something and I…”

(Overwritten)

“…and I think we won. Next thing I know, I’m… dead? Are we dead? Please tell me we’re not dead,” Ruby finished, eyes darting away as Alice poured her a mug. “I feel like I’d know it if I were dead.”

“We’re not dead.” Alice snagged a sausage studded with apples and chile. “You’ve been unconscious for like five hours. Bill Nye said something about you being overtaxed by them, and you needed a place to recover. Next thing I know, My Little Pony, Mister Clean and Bob the Builder whipped up this place on the roof. The ‘Conservatory’.” She said the last word in a sniffy, terrible impression of Caim’s accent. “Sparkle Motion, well, one of him, has been keeping watch.”

“You gave them all nicknames?” Ruby asked, taking a sip of the coffee, then another, and another. “Dear God. My shitty ten dollar coffee maker made this?”

“Technically it’s your coffee maker.” Alice looked away, nibbling a slice of bright pink fruit.

“You let Cerberos build a cold-fusion powered coffee maker in my kitchen,” Ruby said flatly, savoring the delicious brew around bites of a curd-filled pastry.

“He looked so sad, I had to. Plus, Berith has coffee he swears he got in tenth century Ethiopia, and I have to figure out how we can carry it at the shop. Isn’t it amazing?” Alice poured a cup for herself. “The perks to having nine over-anxious, super-powered show dogs, I guess.”

Ruby lay back. “You’re taking this so much better than I am. I kind of hate you right now.”

“Life is weird.” Alice shrugged, then lay her head on the chaise next to Ruby. “I’m glad you’re awake though. I was getting a little worried despite Caim swearing you’d be ok.”

“Do you want to go on a real date, maybe? Like dinner? Or something?” Ruby tentatively closed her hand over Alice’s. “I mean, soon. Not when this all dies down because I feel like I haven’t hit peak crazy with all this yet.”

“I’d like that, considering this is the most I’ve seen of you in the year I’ve known you.” Alice lifted an eyebrow. “I know a super cute, funny babe with a funky green dye job who basically just got herself a job at my shop by showing up every day and being delightful, but I would like to get to know you better before I pack up my U-Haul and we move in together like proper lesbians.”

Ruby choked on her coffee, but before she could say anything else, there was a loud crash outside. She scrambled to her feet and headed for the door, Alice behind her.

The redhead – Valefor- the one who’d been in the White Knight armour, was naked, except for his armoured hands, and he had one of the twins slung over his shoulder, Amon running after them both as he strode purposefully towards the edge of the roof.

All three of them were yelling at each other in that ancient, lilting language.

“Oh look, Red Menace has Chips and/or Salsa. I can’t tell the twins apart,” Alice said blandly. “Maybe it’s Salsa.”

“Cut it out!” Ruby yelled and all three of them turned to her. “We just saved your life!”

Valefor unshouldered the twin like a sack of potatoes and stalked towards Ruby. He was smaller than Caim, but thicker, a solid slab of scarred, old-ivory skin and as he grew closer, she could see his hands. They weren’t armoured; the heavy bracelets they all wore covered his forearms, but his hands themselves were flexing plates of silver-gilt and iron.

She felt Alice tense behind her as Valefor stared down at her, his accent thick and undefinable. “You could have stopped me on the bridge, Tawar-sarra. Kept me from…” His jaw twitched. “You were always a coward,” he grunted, turning on his heel.

“Why don’t you see if Caim needs a... hand in the kitchen, yeah?” The twin pushed his shaggy hair out his face with a thin smile.

Valefor roared and Amon caught him in mid-swing, the rooftop trembling with the motion.

“Yeah, by the way, the whole book club’s been going back and forth between hugging it out and yelling at each other in Ancient Daemon since you’ve been unconscious. It’s been great,” Alice said loud enough that both Amon and Valefor flinched.

There was the sound of the door and Caim was there, followed closely by the others. As soon as Valefor saw him, the aggression visibly drained from his body. “Caym, tija-ša. Wä…”

“Stelknā, kwalanlä Valeforä. Let’s not keep the Author out of this conversation.” Caim nodded at Ruby and she watched Valefor’s jaw twitch harder. “Do you want some pants, Val?”

“If I wanted pants, I’d put them on.” He scraped a shock of fire-agate hair from his face, huffing as everyone stared at him. “Fine, I’ll get dressed so as not to offend her majesty’s delicate modesty,”. As he stalked towards the door, he jabbed a metal finger in the twins’ direction. The curly one had joined his sibling, sitting on the roof, and both of them flipped Valefor off in unison. “Playing the sacred clown only goes so far, Nergalī yemoskanā.”

Ruby clutched the coffee a little closer to her chest. “So. Am I gonna get an explanation now?” she asked, rocking on her feet.

“Yeah. I think you do.” Caim shoved his hands in the pockets of his tight grey pants. “You might want to sit down.”