This uncle I really loved passed away a few days ago, and it was one of those eerie things where you dream about saying goodbye to someone who you find out the next day just died. I mean, he’d been in the hospital, so it was on my mind, and that’s probably why I had the dream, but who knows, maybe it really was him. Anyway, it kind of made me feel better to have said my goodbyes, even if it was only a dream.

But there was something else — my uncle gave me some parting advice, told me that it was time I went looking for someone to spend my life with. He said that when I found the one for me I’d know it, and I should go after them with everything I’ve got, because you only get one chance at that kind of thing and you’ll regret it for the rest of your life if you don’t grab it. It’s kind of obvious advice, but my uncle always knew the right time to tell you stuff like that.

Maybe that’s why I’ve got this feeling that something’s about to change in my life. I think there really is someone out there for me, and this really is the time to start searching.

It’s weird, too, because there’s this person I keep dreaming about. Like, literally dreaming — I keep having dreams about her. She’s fun and sweet and full of imagination, and I just feel good whenever I’m talking to her. Like I’ve never felt before.

At first I thought they were just weirdly realistic dreams because I haven’t had a date in months. Then I realized that I was waking up happier than I went to sleep, which almost never happens to me. And it’s been happening more and more lately.

Sometimes I just talk to her, but sometimes she saves me from monsters — I think maybe that’s symbolic of her saving me from being alone or something like that.

The thing is, it’s not a specific person .  They’re old, young, women, occasionally even men—this person is somebody different in every dream, but at the same time they’re not. It’s like there’s someone out there the universe is telling me I should be looking for, someone I’ll be happy with.

I’ve tried to paint some of them, but I kind of suck at people, and I can never seem to get the eyes right. Maybe the problem is that I don’t know what she—at least I think it’s she?—really looks like, so I just get, you know, the feeling of what she’ll be like when I meet her.

Or maybe it’s not anything so romantic. Maybe it’s just my subconscious letting me practice, because I’m terrible at talking to people. It’s easy when it’s a dream, because it doesn’t occur to you that they’re going to laugh at you or blow you off or make you feel like you’re nobody, even if you are. I guess even if they did, it doesn’t matter, since you wake up and never have to think about it again.

But for once I’m going to do something proactive and assume that there really is someone out there, and all I have to do is find her. What’s to lose, right?

The problem is I don’t even know where to start looking, and there are how many millions of people in this country? And how many countries in the world? And I’m kind of scared, too, because what if I finally find her and she’s married or something? Heck, what would I say? “Hi, we’ve never met, but I’ve been dreaming about you.” If a pickup line that stupid worked, I don’t think I’d even want to date her, because she’d have to be an idiot.

I guess I just have to trust that the universe wouldn’t send me a message like that unless there’s some way to find her, and I’ll figure out how to make it work when I do. I do wish when I was dreaming that I’d notice it was her before I wake up — I feel like maybe I could get some kind of a clue if I did.

Until I figure something out, at least I have my dreams.