Conner walked in before me and leaned on the edge of her desk. He put his gloved hand over the papers she was looking at and it she turned her attention to him. Conner placed a soft kiss on her lips and backed away. They don’t get to see each other often, and even though I knew they were married I couldn’t help but feel jealous.

“Oh Riley, I thought I would be seeing you a little later today.” Mar’s voice floated in the air, it was so clear and every word was precise. “I don’t have much time right now, but we can make it quick.” She winked.

“We finished up at the Carrion faster than expected.” Conner rubbed the base of her back and started to leave the office. “I’ll see you later,” he looked at me, “and you be sure to get some rest.”

I nodded and he shut the door.

I’ve been seeing Mar on a regular basis for the past year. Conner says I’ve been acting out since I lost contact with my brother. Which is most likely the truth. Warren’s an inter-dimensional miner, and I know it’s a dangerous profession, but he’s always kept contact up until recently and I didn’t like not knowing what was happening.

“So, Riley, Conner told me your team lost Jordan this morning.” Mar wheeled her chair to the side of her desk and gestured to the open seat for me to take.

I nodded. I didn’t talk much in these sessions, the less I gave Mar to work with the better. Maybe my probation would be over faster than I anticipated. I sat down, the fabric conformed to my shape. I always felt like the chair was a trap, to lure me into a sense of comfort so I would open up to her easier.

“When we spoke last week, Jordan was just a teammate. When did things change?” Mar was always interested in my relationships with people. Romantic or not.

Mar’s voice just made me want to talk to her, just so I could hear her respond.

“I don’t know a few days ago? I didn’t think anything of it, she asked me so I just said okay.” I replied.

Mar leaned forward, put her pad on her desk and folded her hands together. “Do you think you passively let yourself fall in and out of relationships because you’re afraid to lose someone you’re close to?”

The chair squeaked as I shifted my body in it. I always thought if I stayed quiet long enough, then I could waste time and end the session without mentioning anything about how I really felt. But the strange desire to hear Mar speak again always won.

I shook my head. “No, I know I’ll lose everyone around me eventually. I also don’t need the distraction; my work is important. I’m important, and I don’t want to share that.”

“Being with someone doesn’t make you less of who you are Riley.” Mar smiled softly. “You don’t have to share everything. You’ll become important to someone, and they’ll be important to you, but you won’t lose the importance you’ve placed on yourself.”

“Maybe I just want to be alone for a bit.” This was the point where I didn’t want to admit she was right.

Mar leaned back and sighed lightly, somehow keeping her soft look on me. “You don’t have to lose everyone. You fight every day, and you’re right, your work is important. But I want you to think about this until our next session. Are you fighting for things that are important to you? Things you want? Or are you fighting for things that others have told you should be important?” Mar slid her chair behind her desk and quickly scribbled something down.

“It’s going to be difficult to think about that kind of stuff, you know, with Conner hanging over my shoulder and all.” I shrugged, not so subtly asking to be put off probation.