TEN

A cold chill ran through me, I was lost for words but if I wanted what I needed I had to say something and I had to say it now. This was my chance to fess up and tell it like it was. His dark irises of were staring back at me demanding answers right from my soul it felt like, you could sense the strength in his gaze so powerful I felt it shoved me a step back driving me into a state of wanting to unload the burden I'd been walking around him carrying.

What a shame I was here about to break his heart more.

"I....I'm sorry." My voice was thickly hoarse and breaking. I cleared the massive clog in my throat in an effort to at least be composed but the tremors my body was giving out were making this much harder than I ever imagined it would be and his glare wasn't any less demanding in fact it seemed to demand more out of me.

To put it simply I said "I lied"

Tae's jaw clenched right as his fists followed suit. The silence grew and from my peripheral I saw him his lick his teeth with a click! sound as his head tilted slightly revealing his exposed neck a tell he was mad and in his own head. Feeling like a sicko I guided my gaze away from his neck and continued "I probably don't deserve you and maybe I never did either but if you could hear me out?" without shifting my gaze from the floor I waited for an answer which didn't come.

Knowing I wanted nothing more than to fess up and get over my lies I added "without judgments." My muscles pleading he would let me. Again no answer followed but at least he moved to his desk and took a seat in it, leaving me the other chair that his boyfriend would probably occupy on their late night readings. I took a seat in it my otherwise wobbly ankles needing the rest.

He shot me a look, his eyes growing dark and distant.

"It's not like we were friends from kindergarten years Tae, but from the time I turned twelve I knew you and even though you had no idea I existed. It was uncomfortable for me then because I didn't ....I didn't see you how I saw other boys and it definitely wasn't like heroe worship or whatever they call it...I didn't even know the word gay." I paused to see if I had his attention. "Remember coach Geum? with the strong Bussan accent?" I chuckled sadly hoping he would remember the inside joke only we shared about our school's soccer coach. His lips twitched and that was enough to give me hope, that he was listening "He caught two guys on the team piggybacking one time and he said some things...homophobic slurs...so after that I was certain I was sick you know? Then I got to fourteen and you came to watch a football game with your classmates I missed a score that game you know..too busy checking you out in the stands, you also attended an after party some older boys were hosting... you came for your brother Joon. Do you remember that?"

He sat there his palms massaging his crossed arms and shook his head.

"Well can you imagine being approached by the one crush that's lasted longer than a few weeks to hang out at the back? For a game of chess. At a high-school party. With games like spin the bottle Tae? I remember everything about that day so vividly, I also remember almost kissing you right before Joon showed up with his friends who congratulated you for coming out."

"I'd just come out wasn't that the perfect time to kiss me though?"

Clearly he didn't remember and needed a push in remembering so I chuckled and managed to reply "It was. Except that other kid who bleached his hair blonde came up to you right after your brother left and kissed you as a means to talk about 'last night' and you left with him to 'talk'? I may have said this with distaste on my tongue and emphasis from my fingers I used to make air quotations with.

His eyes became lighter and he chuckled a reply accompanied with exaggerated mimics to the air quotations' I'd made "what do you mean 'talk' I was fifteen and in no way at all ready for sex, I'd just come out and I was flirting with you but this kid came up to me I would've felt bad telling him no way in front of another person so I had to go talk to him alone! But when I came back you had a 330ml bottle of soju in your right hand and your left was on a random girl's waist as your mouth was buried deep in her neck."

"Are you going judge me for drinking in high school again?" I rolled my eyes preparing myself for a lecture

Instead I got an aggressive answer "You were fourteen years old, a child Jungkook!! Teen parents aren't a myth bro and soju is awfully high in alcohol content so at fourteen?" he raised his arms in surrender and finished "I'm sorry but I wouldn't be a friend if I hadn't either participated or dragged you from that."

"So you dragged me out back home?" I asked

Our gazes met and for a brief hot minute it felt like home in his eyes as we laughed over that memory that in it had solidified our friendship and made us best friends even though I yearned for more.

I took a chance and slid my hand on the table reaching for his.

His palm was baby soft and when he didn't yank it back from my grasp I felt my heart warm up then he gave my hand a slight squeeze which only sent me over the edge as that simple act sent a jolt of electricity through my body. I searched for his eyes with mine and by God he was looking back at me. Smiling.

On actual pure impulse I slid my chair forward forgetting the noise the legs would make and got closer to him. The closer I got the more I felt his heat on me, it's the more I had to get even closer to him and make things physical.

His lips met mine with a spark and even if it was physical the dual our lips were dancing to was not just physical. This was the stuff movies, poems of love and passion were about. I slid my hand down at the hem of his shirt wanting to get even closer to him and feel his skin on mine. There's no way to explain the ecstasy my soul was in as the world seemed to be in a daze and for now it was just us two finally kissing.

Sure was a perfect first kiss until his phone buzzed atop the desk moving with the continued buzzing that would stop only if he silenced or picked up the call which wasn't going away as it rang again with the name 'Jimin' spread out across the screen?