THIRTEEN

"Oh sorry I was looking to study." She pointed with her thumb "I'll take lab 216, Namjoon isn't there is he?." A petite girl clad in Disney princesses' pyjamas with unkempt orange hair set in a messy, dry top bun and freckles stood by the door hands full of thick textbooks asking.

Tae dropped his hands from my rear opting to run them through his hair and replied "he'll be there around 1am when he can't sleep; you know that Sara" She fixed a thick strand of her backpack and asked "well V do you have an extra charged calculator?"

He walked back to where we were sat and she followed him not even bothering to spare me a glance. I felt as if her aura was loud enough to show she didn't care about me or what she saw. My gaze followed her and she crouched over Tae's laptop screen as he scrimmaged through his own pile of thick textbooks and papers for the calculator.

The girl Sara as Tae referred to her, reached to my side furrowed brows and concentrated eyes and grabbed a pencil and paper and started scribbling away.

Tae handed her over the calculator and she received it then slid her working over to Tae "you got the answer wrong. Check your phosphorous." Stoically she said and I rolled my eyes moving away from them swiftly. Tae studied her working and looked back at his screen and spoke to her tapping on the paper "check your nitrogen, I miscalculated it the first time too." After a strong minute of her balancing the equations rapidly her hand fast and purposeful she scratched her head with the pencil and said "yea you're right V. We should go through more tomorrow after class?" Tae agreed with a smile and I think he actually was happy to have the study date.

"Hey V!" she backtracked slowly fixing her round black rimmed glasses on her pointy nose as her hand held the door handle in place "Nice abs, Jimin sure is lucky to have you." And with that she slammed the door shut behind her. Leaving thick air in the room.

The room had since shifted at least two different moods from when I felt it romantic. Now it was just weird and the air felt so vulnerable like any words spoken or any action taken would shatter and echo. The air was suspended and I had to fight the urge to lean forward and get away from Tae's presence because I felt like a thief, I felt like a dirty whore who'd been caught in the act and now whose reputation lay strung in the air like a thread as if it hadn't gone up in air the minute I made up my mind to help the man I love deceit his loving and caring boyfriend for my selfish benefiting. The air was suspended and yet here I was not feeling up to give the man any indication that him stringing me along was getting to me I wanted him to love only me. I didn't want to rock the boat he said he would end it with Jimin, shouldn't I trust him I'd never known him to lie before. And Love is patient right?

"I promise I'll end it with Jimin." His hands were on my waist softly resting there I hadn't even seen him move across to be near me. I bit my tongue holding back questions like 'why are you really even delaying that', 'do you love him?', 'How much do you love me' 'Why are you with me?' I held those questions back as I let my hands wrap around him burying my face in the crook of his neck as he did mine. Letting the questions linger in the back of my mind but at least I had saved face on sounding like such a girl.

All I could do in answer was hum.

Tae shook me up waking me up from a corner where I lay bundled up in a fluffy red blankie. He had his backpack on and his hands full of his thick textbooks "we can go back to bed now." He spoke softly,his long fingers in my hair. I yawned "what time is it?

"around 1 in the morning." I smiled and thought only him would make me study this late willingly and sleep in a lab waiting for him.

I nearly dropped my phone on the ground when I took out my earphones after my morning jog.

I saw Jimin's back get back inside Tae's room closing the door behind him. And he was shirtless. Why would he be shirtless?

It's his boyfriend you're the intruder a voice went in my head.

I became an annoying girl at that point when the door shut and I heard voices.

I moved closer to Tae's door just to see where I stood eavesdropped on a conversation I shouldn't have.

"It's not about that Tae" he whisper yelled then dead silence ensued before he went on "I thought that it was but this is not about him." Even the air from the living room turned more serious and I grew goose bumps even though I was coming from a jog, his voice calmer he continued 'I love you Kim Taehyung and I probably always will. We go days without having meaningful conversations and I used to miss you so much when that happened but it never seemed like you missed me and I guess because of that I....." he paused. And I should've left their private conversation but when I almost left I heard him pick up again "and we would have these stupid fights...Over what an old best friend? An old lover? Who didn't even appreciate you in the way you deserve? I thought that was stupid and it hurt my feelings you always put him first before me." I heard shuffling of feet like someone was pacing about the room and I listened closely on if they were coming for the door, I strained my ears for Tae's voice too but it didn't come. Jimin spoke up his voice sadder if that's even possible "you've always been in love with him. Remember when we went to that poetry club and we thought it would be fun to get weed brownies so we could try high sex? Yea well you called me Jungkook twice. Once when you held my hand in the cab back home and second time climaxing."

"I didn't know, I'm so sorr.." Tae was cut off and I didn't want to hear the rest he was apologizing to his boyfriend after all and I ....I on the other hand was just an easy lay that went putty at his touch alone but it was time I faced reality so I walked off with a bundle of dread and tears clogged up in my very soul.