Breakfast consisted of a grey mass they were kindly calling oatmeal. Sam wasn’t too sure. He poked his spoon at the lumps debating whether he was hungry enough to try it. Lunch probably wouldn’t be much better. And at least the milk would wash it down.

With a glance around the cafeteria, Sam wondered where Koji had got to. Being alone meant he ran the risk of having to deal with another patient. Sure, most of them kept to their own groups, but every so often, someone thought they’d break the monotony by messing with the most antisocial patient in the place. Somehow Koji’s presence diffused the situation. Not that he was a social butterfly either. The way Sam figured it, Koji just looked so innocent, even the crazies couldn’t bring themselves to hurt him. It was the only thing that made any sense to him.

There. Sam saw Koji maneuvering his way to the table, tray in hands. He had a pinched look between his eyes. Sam recognized that look. His roommate had a headache. Was it because voices? There were a lot of people in the room.

“Hey,” Koji sat down heavily. “I snagged you an apple.”

Sam raised an eyebrow. How had Koji managed that? Patients didn’t get treats or anything extra with their meals.

“Don’t ask,” said Koji. “Just eat it. I hope it’s okay.”

So that was where Koji had been, getting Sam an apple. He shouldn’t have, but maybe he still felt bad about making Sam’s arm fall asleep. Whatever. Koji knew Sam loved apples, and didn’t get enough of them in this place. Sam grabbed the piece of fruit. Though he inspected it first, it looked edible. And after the first bite, it tasted edible too.

“Good,” Koji asked.

Sam just nodded, his mouth full of apple.

“Better than, what are they calling this, oatmeal?” Koji continued.

Sam made a face as he swallowed. “Hadn’t decided if I was gonna eat it or not.”

“I’d say not, but I’m hungry.”

“Y’ can have half th’ apple.”

Koji shook his head fiercely. “No. I got that for you. I’m sure this stuff isn’t as bad as it looks. Nothing could be as bad as this looks.”

Raising another eyebrow, Sam watched as Koji jammed a healthy spoonful of the so-called oatmeal into his mouth. He was trying very hard not to gag, Sam could tell.

“Yummy,” Koji managed to get out.

“Uh huh. We’d better hurry up. Can’t be late f’ group.” Sam rolled his eyes.

~~~~~*~~~~~*

Dr. Faith Brown was a woman who loved her job. Oh yes, it was all very rewarding. There were so many poor souls in the hospital, and she was just the woman to treat them. Yes, there was a reason she was Head of Psych at Wellhaven.

She headed down the hallway from her office to one of the group therapy rooms. First thing this morning she had a group with Samuel. That brought a smile to her lips. Oh, Samuel was just full of trauma, and could be so much fun, especially in group. And if she remembered correctly, which of course she did, the rest of the group consisted of Koji, Bernard, Lou and Alphonse. Yes, of course Dr Brown remembered who was in this group. After all, she had hand picked them personally. There were so many patients, she didn’t have enough time to be hands on with all of them, but this group was special.

The boys were there already when Dr Brown arrived. Well, she thought of them as ‘her boys’ but in reality they ranged in all ages. As usual, Sam and Koji sat closest together and farthest from the rest of the group. She could tell they had purposely moved their chairs away from the others. Typical. Dr Brown suppressed a smile.

“Good morning,” she said, dropping into her own chair as an uneven chorus of “Good morning’s" answered back. “Did everyone sleep well? Samuel, how about you?”

He actually glared at her. “Fine.”

Oh that little liar. Should she call him on it or wait until their private session later? Just look at that face. He sure looked determined to keep things to himself. Okay, she could wait until later.

“I’m glad to hear that Samuel. I know you’ve been having many strong dreams lately. It’s good that you had a peaceful night.”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Everyone else? Alphonse, is your insomnia any better?”

Alphonse shifted in his chair. “I think so. I mean, I was alone all night.”

“Oh good. None of those shadowy visitors? That’s a very good sign.”

Dr Brown turned a brilliant smile to each of her patients. All of them except Samuel and Koji preened a little under the attention, but that was to be expected.

“Now, before we officially get started, does anyone have anything he needs to discuss?” She was so concerned, so sincere. Her boys were silent. Lou traced his toe against the carpet. “Come now. You know you’re safe here.” Still silence. “Well, okay. Maybe later then. Now, we were talking last time about how to be in this moment right now. We tend to question our belief in the moment, and the moment becomes unreal. I know that being in a hospital can be unpleasant and make us want something more, something better, but we must accept this moment as true no matter how unpleasant it is.”

Dr Brown watched her boys as she talked. As usual, Lou watched adoringly. Oh yes, he believed this moment was real, but then he’d believe monkeys were flying around the room if she said there were. Bernard was concentrating. Oh, he was trying to believe, as was Alphonse. Koji too had hopes of eventually being well, so he listened even if he didn’t know if he believed. But Samuel, her dear precious Samuel, he stared at her with a heat in his eyes. He didn’t know when he was defeated.

“But then,” Dr Brown continued, “If we begin to believe in something better, why do some of us believe in a reality that’s worse? Or even a reality that’s painful? Alphonse, why do you think you see creatures that aren’t there?”

“I…uh..” Alphonse shifted uneasily in his chair.

“Come now, you must have some idea.”

“I..I guess..It’s like I gotta stop them from hurting people. At least, that’s what I feel like when I seem them.”

“Ah,” Dr Brown beamed. “So there is something positive behind these shadowy monsters of yours. You get to feel like a hero when you see them That must make you feel better than the helplessness you feel as a patient.”

“Yeah. Yeah I guess it does.”

“But Alphonse, you are a patient.”

“I…yeah.”

“Say, ‘I am a patient, not a hero.’”

“I…” he hesitated, his eyes glancing away. Aw, he didn’t want to say it, did he? No, they never did. But he would.

“Come now Alphonse. Remember, we believe in the moment. We believe in reality.”

Alphonse gave a sigh, like he was reaching for strength. “I am a patient, not a hero.”

Dr Brown clapped her hands together. “Good! Very good! I am very proud of you Alphonse. You believed in the moment. Excellent.”

Ah, sure enough, Lou glanced at Alphonse with pure jealousy on his face. How nice. There was no sense wasting this.

“Koji,” Dr Brown purposely turned attention away from Lou. Koji nearly jumped at the sudden sound of his name. True, she usually let Koji sit there quietly. Today, however, he had that pinched look on his forehead, and faraway look in his eyes. Dr Brown couldn’t miss the say Koji kept glancing from side to side. He was hearing voices again. It was her own fault of course, but she was going to use it.

“Your voices aren’t pleasant, are they?” Dr Brown asked.

“Uh, well…no…” Koji muttered.

Dr Brown noticed that Samuel had leaned forward slightly in his chair, his shoulders squared. Oh how protective he was. Koji was uncomfortable, so Samuel was on the defense. She allowed herself a moment to wonder what it was about the young boy that attracted Samuel. It was the one thing she truly hadn’t expected. Since the formation of their friendship, Samuel’s movements had become fairly predictable, but before, Dr Brown would have said that Samuel wouldn’t become close to anyone. It was amusing, but confusing.

“No, I would expect they aren’t pleasant,” Dr Brown continued, knowing her boys hadn’t noticed her slight pause. “You’ve said that you usually don’t even know what they’re saying. So why do you believe you hear them?”

Koji shrugged. He pulled his knees up to his chest. Oh the poor thing, but she wasn’t going to let him get away with that.

“You hear them now, don’t you?”

Koji nodded, looking miserable.

“Oh Koji, how disappointing. Remember, we must believe in the reality of this moment. If you hear those voices, then you aren’t believing in this moment. No, you’ve given up on this reality for one that is far more unpleasant. Now Koji, can you tell me why?”

Koji shook his head, then hid his face against his knees.

“Sure you can. You just don’t want to. Now, we’re all supporting you.”

“Leave ‘im alone,” Samuel pushed up out of his chair. “He said he doesn’t know why and he doesn’t know. It’s not like he wants t’ hear ‘em.”

Oh my. Dr Brown’s treatment of Koji had certainly pushed Samuel’s buttons. Sure, she could stop, but where would be the fun in that?

“Samuel, I wish I could leave him alone,” Dr Brown tried to soothe. “But if I let him continue to believe in the voices, I’m not allowing him to get well. That’s what I’m here for after all. I know it hurts, but we must deal through the pain so we can get well.”

“Don’t have to do it all in one session.”

“No, I suppose we don’t. But don’t you think we should try our best to go as far as we can each session?”

Samuel narrowed his eyes. He almost seemed like he didn’t know quite how to answer. Sure, he wanted out of the hospital, but was he ready to agree with her? Agreeing meant that Dr Brown could continue her questioning of Koji. Disagreeing however wouldn’t get him anywhere either. She saw he understood that as well.

“Sure, whatever,” Samuel sat down heavily, defeated.

Dr Brown smiled, “I’m glad we agree. Now, let’s continue.”