The day goes on with me feeling guilty and stupid, and unlike other schools, there weren't any transition periods for us shrimps. Did I say shrimps? Force of habit I guess, my former teacher liked calling us low rankers ‘shrimps’, and I wasn't spared by the insult. I got used to it, and although I miss my old class, I'm grateful I don't have to deal with her bullshit, sorry for my language, it's just a personality issue you know, I'm nice mind you!

Anyway having no transition periods, which meant for nine hours straight we'd have to sit in class with no breaks with the exception of an hour of lunch with the same teacher who, I'm surprised to find out that Jason is such a knowledge junkie to know exactly what a typical high school teacher should teach us.

Being in school wasn't an issue for most of us if you just came for your social life the only thing you hated like most was sitting your bum off for nine hours straight which I'm quite surprised our bums hadn't grown muscles to lift its way out of there.

As for the latter, if you were like the others that came for the knowledge or in my case for someone, in particular, it won't be a total bummer since you get to be stuck on a reverie watching the pearly whites of your attractive teacher move and shine until you go blind.

Finally, saving our lives from anymore didactic-torture though, the bell sounded for our favorite time of the day: lunch. Everyone seemed so eager to get out of there that they’ve vanishing within seconds, I, on the other hand, took my sweet time in sorting my stuff before heading out to join them. I was just about done shoving my books in my bag when Jason asked me to stay behind. I haven’t even noticed that we were all alone when he returned from locking the door behind him and sat himself atop his desk, leg crossed over the other like a classy gentleman.

I sat on the seat parallel to him, taking him in as a flash of memories came flooding in. He wasn't the boy who'd drop by after soccer practice sweaty and dirty and despite my protests, would hug me with all those glorious grime. I still remembered those chubby cheekbones of his, the way they felt so squishy soft in my small hands and his slim built despite having those adorable cheeks... they were all different now, different in a good way, a whole new Jason I would get used to through time.

His face was still flawless and well maintained, his lips very kissable, and his hazel eyes now that I got a better view of them, nearly gold as they stared directly into mine.

"Long time no see kiddo." He began breaking his silence, even his voice changed. That high pitched 12-year-old, cool dark 16-year-old and now the sexy masculinity that developed over those oh so many years that still kept haunting me to this day, echoed a sweet melody in my ears.

"It's been that long huh?" I agreed, my dazed expression matching that of a typical blushing schoolgirl.

"As much as I love being friends with you, I can't-" he began, his tone was serious, still keeping that professional-teacher-front.

"Let me guess, student-teacher relationship?" I finished him off, a little discouraged by my own words.

"Yup, I knew you'd end up in my class eventually, you're a bright kid and it’s nice seeing you again." He says, habitually caressing the edge of his desk, I wonder why, was he nervous?

Okay, forget I said that I just jump into conclusions without exploring the other possibilities. I couldn't even stop thinking how it would feel like to feel those slim hands of his caressing me, and no, not what you're thinking, mind you, you know stroke my cheeks or hold my hand, nothing more than just as a friendly gesture.

"I just saw you last week, but it's nice to see you again too Jason. It's been long since I got to talk to you." I say, removing my graze from his hand and meeting his deep stare.

Shifting to the side, his crossed legs changed positions as well, "The thing is that I love my job, we have to be professional about this. Even if we know each other that long, I can't treat you any different from the others..." he paused, clearing his suddenly dry throat, that fine Adam's apple of his bobbing, "I can't give you special treatment..."

"I understand Jason," I say hiding the hurt tone I had... it was true, what good would it give me if people found out I knew him? They'd think I cheated my way up, and god knows what other rumors would spread that would risk his job. We were simply just friends.

"Also as part of being professional as your teacher,” he seemed to have been distracted by something at my face, “please refer to me as Mr. Sean."

"I'm cool with that is there anything else?" I reassured him starting up on my feet back towards him as I began gathering my stuff, he cleared his throat again and I assumed it was something even more serious and uncomfortable for him to talk about.

"Could I ask you something?" I nodded my back still facing him and he continued "about the note..." I flinched, I forgot about it, man I'm such an idiot, pivoting on my heels I flashed him one of my prized masks, one that was clairvoyant and dismissive, "forget you saw that, Justin was just joking..."

Jason bit his lip, the same way he did when he was nervous talking about a girl in his class when he was 15. "Of course he did."

"Don't worry Mr. Sean," I teased full emphasis on exactly how he said he preferred to be referred, "I didn't take that personally, after all, we are just friends right?"

Nodding in agreement, his ever so cleanly styled hair fell over his eyes making him childishly cute and sexy at the same time. This time I bit my lip too.

"So is there anything else bothering you?" I say more of my benefit to be able to talk to him longer.

Walking over the door, Jason undid the lock. Stepping aside he swept a hand outside, "that's about it kiddo..." he says, those pale lips of his, quirking into one of his side smirks "Don't forget your homework."

"Aye Aye Captain..." I chimed thrusting my backpack close against my back and skipping to meet him at the door, he shook his head having his loosely clean-cut bangs fall over his forehead again.

I bit the inside of my mouth, trying hard not to laugh at the childish expression he intentionally gave and flashed him that knowing grin. It was good to know he hasn't changed one bit, well at least not consciously.

Oh, Jason, I let out another sigh, my heart beats for you.

4:08 pm

On my way inside my apartment, I found a bouquet of white roses set on the floor mat. It had a yellow butterfly settling above it and flew on my shoulder the moment I had it in my arms.

A smile found its way high on both my cheeks. There were only two people who knew what flowers I loved, and those two people were none other than dad and Jason. Like a newborn baby, I took it in my arms, cradled it as if it were as precious and as fragile as a butterfly. It was still fresh. The nostalgic scent it let out caressing me ever so tenderly.

At the center of the bouquet was a note clipped deep within, it was from my dad of course since he was the only person I knew who would write me up a cute little note with little stars and butterflies dotted around his signature. Not too long after, my phone rang, and I knew it was him. I braced myself, ready to tease him and tell him how much I missed him, just like we always did. But to my dismay, it was just mom's caller tone, their wedding song.

Of course, she was with him, oceans away from Sydney. It was just unusual to have her call me, setting off this unsettling nausea making its way up my system. I had a bad feeling already.

Clearing my throat, I picked it up hearing nothing but silence followed by a gasp of air. Mom breaks her silence with deep inhales and sobs as she talked over the phone.

"Mom, are you okay? Why are you crying?" my voice was frantic, mom would never call, and when she does it worries me. "Mom!" I yelled rather impatiently, she didn’t breathe a word and in the background, I could hear her blow her nose on a Kleenex.

"Your father...” She swallowed, hesitating to say her next words. “Dear, he passed away..."

Well, that struck a nerve.

I wasn't expecting that, especially not from her. She had to be joking, I saw my father, he was healthy before they left, we video chatted online he even sent me these flowers, SHE IS LYING.

"How is that possible, he was healthy when you guys left we video chatted just a few days ago... he even sent me flowers, did he get into an accident?" my words as they came where a frantic ramble, reasoning without thinking, still unable to absorb what I was hearing.

Again, she sobs, paused and finally answered my million dollar question. "He had a cardiac arrest..." she says as a matter-of-factly, her tone an annoying sass ringing through my ears.

"I told your father to layout on pork and fats but he persistently kept eating it while on a business meeting dinner with the Collins...” she griped, “that fool."

My heart sank, my mind went blank and everything around me seemed to spin and churn as I took it in, in the pit of my stomach along with agony and all sorts of emotions surging inside me right now.

The strings that seemed to hold me up this whole time seemed to have snapped and I fell on my knees. I should have stopped them, should have scolded dad, warned him…

Balling my hands into fists I struck the floor, my knuckles as it came ached, but I didn't care. It wasn't compared to the grief and suffering I felt inside. I was selfish, yes, it wasn’t compared to others who had it all worse, but my father was all that I had. He was my best friend besides Jason. He was the first to watch my steps, the first name I breathed, the person who made me smile even if we barely saw each other. Now knowing that he was even farther away, somewhere unknown… I just didn’t know how to live my life anymore.

Blood streamed down from my knuckles staining the floor a thick red, red - not the color of eternal happiness, but rage, regret, resentment. I didn't know what happened after that, everything was just black - black as in the color of emptiness and eternal loneliness.